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Business Principles

Shell’s Magical Makeover: Introducing “Onward,” The Climate Tech Venture with a Side of Irony

It’s like watching a villain in a movie trying to convince the world they’ve turned over a new leaf, all while planning their next scheme.

Posted by John Donovan: 8 Feb 24

In a world where branding can apparently solve everything, including the pesky little issue of climate change, Shell has pulled a rabbit out of its hat with the launch of its rebranded climate tech venture, Onward. Yes, folks, the same Shell known for its heartfelt dedication to fossil fuels and making a mint while the planet burns, is now donning the cape of a climate saviour. 

Onward, previously masquerading under the incognito name Studio X, aims to dazzle us with the promise of cutting-edge technologies across the energy sector. Because nothing says “We care about the environment” like a company that’s been a key player in getting us into this mess in the first place. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Ditches Retiree Baggage in a $4.9 Billion “See Ya Later” Deal with Prudential

Posted by John Donovan: 8 Feb 24

Oh, what do we have here? Shell, the ever-so-charitable and eco-conscious oil behemoth, has just offloaded the pesky pension obligations of 21,500 retirees of Shell USA Inc. in a dazzling $4.9 billion deal with Prudential. Because, you know, ensuring the well-being of people who’ve toiled away their best years for you is such a drag when there are oil wells to drill and environmental regulations to sidestep.

In a move that’s as groundbreaking as discovering oil in your backyard, this transaction has been hailed as the first major pension risk transfer of the year. “Prudential is honored to help continue meeting the retirement security needs of Shell’s retirees,” gushes Alexandra Hyten, head of Prudential’s institutional retirement strategies because nothing says “honor” like taking over payments to retirees from a company that’s probably too busy counting its pollution credits to bother with pension checks. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays Green Dress-Up for Shareholders While Profits Take a Dive

Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet.

Posted by John Donovan: 31 Jan 24

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for the latest episode of “Shell’s Green Masquerade.” While Shell has been playing the quiet game, BP’s former finance boss-turned-chief executive, Murray Auchincloss, has been hogging the spotlight. But fear not, Shell hasn’t been napping. They’ve been laser-focused on the most important thing in the universe: shareholder returns.

In a heartwarming message to analysts last June, Shell reassured everyone, “We need to continue to create profitable business models that can be scaled at pace to truly impact the de-carbonisation of the global energy system.” Translation: Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP’s Profit Hits a Bump: Oil Titans Face 40% Profit Drop

Posted by John Donovan: 28 Jan 24

In a heart-wrenching turn of events, our beloved oil giants Shell and BP are bracing for a catastrophic profit plunge – a staggering 40%, no less! Get your tissues ready, folks, because this is the kind of tragedy that could bring a tear to even a billionaire’s eye.

These paragons of the oil industry, who call London their home, are set to reveal their financial results soon. Last year, they managed to scrape together a meagre £31 billion, according to those fortune-tellers at Refinitiv. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! This is a far cry from the £55 billion bonanza they enjoyed in 2022 when energy prices shot up faster than a geyser following Russia’s little escapade in Ukraine.

Remember the good old days of 2022? When the average Brent crude price was a robust $100 (£78) per barrel? Well, fast forward to last year, and it plummeted to a mere $82. It’s almost like the universe decided these oil moguls needed a reality check. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Latest Greenwashing Masterstroke: Converting Refinery to Make Fancy Oils While Keeping the Oil Party Going Elsewhere

Posted by John Donovan: 26 Jan 24

In a dazzling display of environmental sleight of hand, Shell Deutschland GmbH has triumphantly announced its Final Investment Decision (FID) to give a green makeover to its Wesseling site at the Energy and Chemicals Park Rheinland. The plan? To transform the hydrocracker into a glitzy production unit for Group III base oils, the crème de la crème of lubricants for those fancy engine and transmission oils. Because, as we all know, the real key to saving the planet is in smoother-running engines. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Sues Greenpeace for $2.1 Million: An Episode Straight Out of ‘Succession’

Maybe HBO should consider a spin-off: “Succession: The Shell Chronicles.” Stay tuned for the next episode, where Shell might just take legal action against Mother Nature for climate change.

Posted by John Donovan: 24 Jan 24

In the latest episode of “Real Life Imitates Succession,” Shell, the ever-so-conscientious oil giant, has decided to take a leaf out of Cousin Greg’s playbook. That’s right, folks – Shell is suing Greenpeace for a whopping $2.1 million! It seems like Shell’s boardroom, with all its drama, might give the Roy family a run for their money.

So, what’s the deal? Shell is demanding a cool million in damages, plus legal fees, because six fearless Greenpeace activists decided to have a little 13-day vacation on a moving oil platform. Talk about a high-seas adventure! But wait, there’s more – the lawsuit could skyrocket to $8.6 million if contractors decide they want a piece of the action. Shell’s generosity knows no bounds, offering to reduce the lawsuit if Greenpeace promises to stop party crashing at Shell’s oil and gas shindigs in the future. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

A Gripping David vs. Goliath Tale – John Donovan vs Shell

SENT 21 JAN 24 BY JOHN DONOVAN TO LITTLE GEM, PRODUCERS OF MR BATES vs THE POST OFFICE

I hope this message finds you well amidst the buzz created by the “Mr. Bates vs The Post Office” dramatization. That gripping portrayal of an underdog’s battle has undoubtedly opened the floodgates for stories of similar David vs Goliath confrontations.

I’m reaching out to share a compelling, real-life narrative that could rival any fictional drama with its intense plot twists and dark undertones. I invite you to explore the saga of John Donovan vs Shell – a story that unfolds like a thrilling novel, complete with corporate espionage, legal battles, and a fight against environmental injustice. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Dodging Responsibility One Oil Spill at a Time

In the Niger Delta, where Shell’s oil operations have been as welcome as a mosquito at a BBQ…

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Jan 24

In the latest episode of ‘Shell’s Adventures in Nigeria,’ the British multinational energy giant, known for its gentle caress of the environment (cue eye roll), has announced plans to sell off its onshore Nigerian subsidiary, Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC). The price tag? A cool $2.4 billion (€2.2 billion). The buyers? Renaissance, a band of Nigerian explorers and an international energy group. But wait, there’s a catch – it’s still waiting for the Nigerian government’s thumbs up. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell vs. The World: A Tale of Carbon Emissions, Courtrooms, and Questionable Commitments

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

 Shell Plc is prepping for its big courtroom comeback. They’re appealing against a Dutch court ruling that was basically a ‘please stop ruining the planet’ request. The court had the audacity to order Shell to slash its global emissions by 45% by 2030 from its 2019 levels. Shell’s reaction? “Hold my oil barrel!”

Picture this: it’s 2021, and Friends of the Earth, along with six other NGOs and a casual 17,000 other plaintiffs, successfully argue that Shell is playing fast and loose with Dutch and European human rights law. The District Court in The Hague, in a move that probably had Shell execs spitting out their morning coffee, mandates this emission cut. Shell’s response: “Let’s take this to the appeals court!” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Old Files: The Gift That Keeps on Giving (To Climate Lawsuits)

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

In a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, newly unearthed documents from Shell’s dusty archives could turn out to be climate attorneys’ new best friends. These relics, dating back decades, have been discovered, possibly hiding under a pile of old oil barrels, and they’re singing like a canary about Shell’s knowledge of climate damages. Cue dramatic music!

Reported for the first time by DeSmog and Follow The Money, these documents, now showcased on Climate Files, are like a time capsule from a more, shall we say, ‘honest’ time at Shell. Take a 1970 industry journal article, for instance, where Shell seems to have had a moment of clarity, accepting responsibility for the harms caused by its products. “Whoops, did we do that?” they might have said.

In the 1980s and 1990s, Shell’s publications were all about the “major adverse changes” the “greenhouse effect” could cause. But, in true Shell style, as they were penning these concerns, they were also planning more oil and gas production. It’s like a villain in a movie revealing their master plan while still trying to look like the good guy. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

In a move that’s less about saving the planet and more about saving pennies, Shell Plc has kicked off a spree of job cuts. And guess what? The low-carbon solutions unit is first in line! Because who needs a greener future when you can have a leaner payroll, right?

Sources spilling the beans to Bloomberg revealed that Shell is on a mission to ‘create more value through simplification and discipline.’ Translation: ‘Let’s chop jobs to boost our bottom line.’ The low-carbon business folks are getting their marching orders first, with the corporate affairs division and project and technology departments soon to join the unemployment queue. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Eco-Friendly Fairy Tale Ends in Canada: Greenpeace Waves Magic Wand

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

Once upon a time, Shell, the oil giant known for its love affair with the environment (wink, wink), launched an ad campaign in 2020 that was like a fairy tale. They promised the Canadian public that by buying their fossil fuels, they could magically “Drive carbon neutral” thanks to carbon offsets. It’s like saying eating more cake will help you lose weight, but only if you believe hard enough!

But here comes Greenpeace Canada, the party pooper, filing a complaint with the Competition Bureau. They were like that one kid at the party who said, “But the Emperor has no clothes!” Greenpeace pointed out that Shell’s claims were as shaky as a house of cards in a tornado. The big question: Could Shell really offset all emissions from “production through to the use of the fuel”? Spoiler alert: The evidence was as solid as a ghost. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

New Motto at Shell California Gas Stations: ‘Gift Cards Welcome, Extra Charges Guaranteed!’

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 2024

In a move that’s less ‘filling up your tank’ and more ’emptying your wallet,’ Shell is now starring in a class action lawsuit. The allegation? Their gas stations have a peculiar habit of charging those who use a Shell gift card the credit card price for gasoline, instead of the cash price. Because who doesn’t love a surprise surcharge with their gift card?

Here’s the fun part: California civil code, clearly a document Shell uses as a coaster, states that any gift card sold after Jan. 1, 1997, should be redeemable for its cash value. So, in theory, these gift cards ought to be valid for the cash price at Shell stations. But theory and practice are two different things in Shell’s world. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s AGM: Shareholders Demand Climate Action, Shell Prefers Business as Usual

Posted by John Donovan: 17 Jan 24

Once upon a time, in the magical world of Big Oil, Shell faced a rebellion not from environmentalists, but from its own shareholders. Yes, you heard it right! The company known for its gentle, loving embrace of the environment is being asked by its investors, including the UK’s biggest pension scheme, to set bigger emissions targets. It’s like asking a dragon to be vegan, but hey, miracles can happen!

Twenty-seven investors, clearly in a moment of climate-conscious epiphany, have backed a resolution by the daring Dutch activists at Follow This. Their mission? To get Shell to align with the Paris Agreement. Mark van Baal, founder of Follow This, must feel like David facing Goliath, except this Goliath wears a suit and loves oil more than cookies. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s ‘Nigerian Goodbye’: A Legacy of Spills, Lawsuits, and a $2.4 Billion ‘See Ya!’

Posted by John Donovan 16 Jan 24

In a move that’s less ‘farewell’ and more ‘good riddance’, Shell is kissing goodbye to its Nigerian onshore oil and gas operations. After almost a century, Shell is packing up its toys – a sprawling network of wells, pipelines, and the occasional oil spill – and handing them over to a consortium for a cool $2.4 billion. Because when you’ve pioneered an industry with a track record of spills and lawsuits, why not cash in one last time? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

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This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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