News and information on Shell Plc
Posted by John Donovan: 21 November 2023
In a plot twist that would make Charles Dickens do a double take, Shell PLC, the bigwig of Big Oil, has actually paid UK corporate taxes for the first time since… well, since they started telling us about it four years ago. Thanks to a windfall levy (think of it as a ‘surprise, you’re rich!’ tax), Shell had to part with a whopping US$40.5 million. Let’s put that in perspective: It’s like a billionaire finding a tenner in their coat pocket.
Posted by John Donovan: 5 November 2023
As the world cries for renewable energy, Shell’s new CEO, Wael Sawan, has concocted a delicious strategy that conveniently forgets those pesky green initiatives that don’t promise massive paychecks. The plan? Embrace the fossil fuels that keep investors warm and toasty, while giving the cold shoulder to the less profitable ventures in the green space.
Sawan, with a twinkle in his eye, declares it’s time for Shell to get “leaner” and more “disciplined,” as reported by the Financial Times. Because, in the end, who needs a full-bodied approach to saving the planet when a slimmed-down, oil-guzzling figure will do just fine?
Posted by John Donovan: 2 November 2023
As the world gasps in the shadow of climate calamity, Shell CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged from the shadows, not with a plan to save the planet, but with a scheme to shower shareholders with more silver. In a dazzling display of financial acrobatics, Shell is turning its back on the charm of ‘mega acquisitions’ to play a solo game of Monopoly with its windfall profits.
Sawan, with the finesse of a Vegas high-roller, has bet big on a ‘buyback bonanza’ to keep the cash registers ringing for those with stakes in the game, prioritizing a hefty $3.5 billion repurchase raffle ticket for the next quarter.
Posted by John Donovan: 22 October 2023
Oh, what a time to be alive! The ever-glorious and virtuous B Corp-certified agency, Havas, known for its undying commitment to ethical operations, has taken a brave leap into new realms of “ethics.” By choosing to partner with Shell – the beloved eco-friendly giant known (in some very narrow circles) for its deep love for the environment – Havas has demonstrated its sheer commitment to… well, we’re not sure yet, but surely it’s something great!
As always, Shell is cordially invited to point out any factual inaccuracies, although we suspect they’re too busy counting their rising profits to bother.Posted by John Donovan: 17 October 2023
Oh, what a delightful twist in the ever-entertaining saga of Shell’s environmental pursuits! Shell Plc’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged as a visionary leader, unveiling a groundbreaking new approach to achieving net zero emissions. Never mind that the company’s shares are soaring to levels unseen in five years – we have a new pathway to salvation!
Sawan, the brilliant mastermind, clarified the situation with utmost confidence, saying, “For avoidance of doubt, what hasn’t changed is the destination that we have set for ourselves. What has changed is the pathway we’re going to get there.” It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? The destination remains unchanged, but the journey, oh, the journey is now filled with unprecedented twists and turns.
Posted by John Donovan 5 October 2023Our dear CEO has kindly invited the Shell family to a little digital tea party titled “A Conversation With Wael” this October 17. The purpose? To “deepen our conversation on the opportunities and dilemmas we face as we position Shell to win in the energy transition,” an invitation bragged. The translation: “Let’s chat about why we’re clinging to our old ways, even though the house is literally on fire.”
Ahead of this riveting rendezvous, employees took to an internal forum. One heroic individual shared their struggle, stating the company’s customer-led approach makes bedtime stories with the kids a tad challenging: “It’s difficult for me to justify to my kids,” they said. Another keen observer noted that recent asset sales had Shell looking less “futuristic” and more “back in my day.”
By June, Sawan had a change of heart, and that pledge to cut oil production by 2030? Gone, like yesterday’s news. Posted by John Donovan 30 Sept 2023
In the thrilling world of oil and gas, where environmental concerns are nothing but a pesky fly to be swatted away, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, is emerging as a true visionary. While the world was distracted by lockdowns and declining industrial activity in March 2020, Shell made a bold move that left us all in awe—well, not really.
You see, in 2021, Shell made a groundbreaking announcement: they would cut their oil production by a whopping 1-2% per year until 2030 and generously toss a few investments into renewables. Naturally, some of us sceptics thought this idea was about as half-baked as a frozen pizza.
Posted by John Donovan 1 Sept 2023Bravo, Shell! Six months after Wael Sawan stepped into the captain’s chair as the CEO, he made a groundbreaking decision to quietly sunset that pesky carbon offset initiative, the world’s biggest corporate plan of its kind. Because why save the planet when you can save a dime? At an all-day investor gala (don’t you just love those?), Sawan somehow “forgot” to mention the company’s previous aim to cough up US$100 million a year for carbon credits. Oopsie-doodle!
This strategic “oversight” follows a scintillating pattern, as Shell also discarded their grand plan to amass a staggering 120 million carbon credits a year by the end of this decade. That would’ve covered a measly 10% of their emissions. No new targets? No worries, Shell has retired its ambition to be a climate leader faster than one of its offshore oil rigs.
Posted by John Donovan 31 August 2023
Well, aren’t we in for a treat!
It seems the world’s most environmentally-conscious buddies, our friendly neighbourhood oil giants like BP, Chevron, ExxonMobil, Shell, and TotalEnergies, are diving deep into the influencer market. Because when you think “innovation in renewable energy,” you naturally think: “Instagram and TikTok!”
AFP has sniffed out a trend where icons of video game walkthroughs, doggo videos, and #VacationGoals are suddenly pivoting to plug gas stations and fuel rewards cards. Because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want a behind-the-scenes look at your favourite influencer’s exhilarating journey to the pump?
Posted by John Donovan August 12, 2023
Sawan, the CEO of just under a year, has deftly steered Shell back to its roots, emphasizing its “ruthless” commitment to maximizing profits while minimizing any pesky environmental concerns. The slight detour towards renewables was only a momentary lapse, as evidenced by the departure of Thomas Brostrom, who foolishly entertained the idea of a greener energy future. Clearly, Sawan understands that the only way forward is through a haze of fossil fuels.
POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN: JULY 24, 2023How disappointing! We were all looking forward to the grand spectacle of Shell’s directors being held accountable for their so-called “duties” to shareholders.
ClientEarth, with its whopping 27 shares in Shell, had the audacity to argue that the energy giant’s current climate transition strategy is nothing more than a mere fantasy. They claim that Shell’s aim of achieving net zero carbon emissions by 2050 is just a fairy tale. Oh, ClientEarth, why can’t you see the magic in Shell’s grand plans?
Posted by JOHN DONOVAN: July 23, 2023
How unfortunate for the poor souls at Shell, who are used to swimming in their overflowing cash reserves. But fret not! Even amidst this so-called “crisis,” Shell still finds ways to soothe its aching shareholders and is expected to raise its dividend and offer share buybacks. Because who needs financial stability when you can temporarily placate your investors?
In 2022, Shell bathed in the glory of record-breaking profits, boasting a staggering £9 billion for the second quarter. But alas, 2023 has brought a cruel twist of fate, with analysts predicting a measly £4.7 billion profit for the same period this year. Poor Shell, how will it ever survive?
Greenpeace Demands Climate Accountability: Shell seems unfazed, pouring billions into the pockets of shareholders while the world burns.POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN JULY 22, 2023
Shell, the unapologetic polluting behemoth, is set to announce yet another round of astronomical profits, thanks to its reckless exploitation of oil and gas. With profits soaring to billions, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, shamelessly dismisses environmental concerns and slashes green targets. Meanwhile, the world experiences catastrophic climate events, from scorching heatwaves to devastating floods. Greenpeace demands that Shell takes responsibility for the climate havoc it has caused and pays into the Loss and Damage fund, rather than pouring billions into shareholders’ pockets.
By including Shell in the Business Council, the UK Prime Minister sends a message that big polluters can have a seat at the table, regardless of their track record.Posted by JOHN DONOVAN July 19, 2023
Shell CEO Wael Sawan joins the Prime Minister’s Business Council, where he promises to deliver “secure, affordable, and cleaner energy.”
With Shell’s notorious track record of pollution and environmental devastation, it’s clear that Sawan’s commitment to cleaner energy is nothing more than empty words.
He claims that Shell will help drive prosperity and growth in the UK through the provision of “secure, affordable, and cleaner energy.” But let’s not be fooled by Sawan’s lofty promises. This move is simply a desperate attempt by Shell to improve its tarnished image while continuing to prioritize its profits over the well-being of the planet.
Posted by JOHN DONOVAN: July 7, 2023
In a stunning display of environmental enlightenment, Wael Sawan, the esteemed CEO of Shell, has been condemned by the United Nations’ climate change body for his audacious suggestion that cutting oil and gas production would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” Clearly, Sawan is a visionary who understands the dire consequences of not perpetuating the burning of fossil fuels indefinitely.
Simon Stiell, the Executive Secretary of the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC), courageously called out Sawan’s remarks as both untrue and irresponsible. How dare anyone challenge the wisdom of the fossil fuel industry at a time when we are desperately trying to achieve… well, something, right?
Posted by JOHN DONOVAN: July 7, 2023
In a truly heartwarming display of corporate compassion, Wael Sawan, the CEO of Shell, has openly mused about the possibility of abandoning the UK to make even more money elsewhere. It seems that pesky ‘windfall’ taxes imposed by the UK Government on energy firms have left poor Shell feeling unappreciated. After all, why pay your fair share when you can simply relocate and maximize your profits?
Sawan wasted no time in painting a bleak picture of the future, warning that energy prices and bills could skyrocket if China’s increased demand coincides with a cold European winter. Oh, the horror! It’s almost as if Shell’s bottom line is more important than the financial well-being of ordinary people.
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