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Alternative Energy

Oil Magnates Celebrate Profits With A Rain of Cash, While the World Burns

Posted by John Donovan: 2 Jan 2024

Oh, what a time to be alive in the golden age of oil! As the world gasps in horror at climate change and energy crises, our heroic oil companies – BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies – are set to dole out a staggering $100 billion in payouts to their beloved shareholders. It’s like a fairy tale, where the rich get richer while the planet heats up!

In 2022, these noble guardians of fossil fuels blessed their shareholders with $104 billion in dividends and buybacks, according to the Institute for Energy Economics and Financial Analysis (IEEFA). All this, after a year of record-breaking profits thanks to the turmoil in energy markets. Who knew that a global crisis could be so lucrative? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

British Museum Gratefully Embraces BP’s ‘Green’ Millions for Grand Makeover

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Dec 2023

In a move that screams “We’re totally in sync with the times,” the British Museum has gleefully jumped into bed with BP, the poster child for environmental mindfulness, for a modest sum of £50m. This cash injection is to fund what’s being touted as the most ambitious arts and crafts project since Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

BP, known far and wide for their green fingers and a heart for the planet, will generously fund the museum’s “masterplan.” This plan, which could be mistaken for a Bond villain’s scheme for world domination, is estimated to cost a meager £1bn. And who better to foot the bill than a company renowned for its love of Mother Earth?

In this audacious display of modernity, the museum plans to give its Bloomsbury building a facelift, because what’s more important than looking good? The museum proudly proclaims the project’s “scale, complexity, and importance,” seemingly forgetting to mention the ‘irony’ aspect. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Pension Funds Get Memo: Ditch Oil & Gas

Shell is basically the tobacco industry of the energy world – they might as well be selling cigarettes. Their job? Keep the oil and gas flowing, consequences be damned.

Posted by John Donovan; 1 December 2023

In a plot twist that could be straight out of a Hollywood eco-thriller, pension schemes are being told to wake up and smell the carbon emissions. At the Pensions and Lifetime Savings Association’s ESG conference in London, the big talk was about ditching those oh-so-yesterday oil and gas investments. Because, you know, investing in the destruction of our planet is so 20th century.

Enter Tony Burdon, the chief of Make My Money Matter (MMMM), who’s been rallying the troops to write angry letters to their pension schemes. His message? If those fossil fuel fanboys at BP and Shell don’t clean up their act, it’s time to take our money and run. Oh, and he’s got Olivia Coleman from “The Crown” on board, because nothing says serious environmental policy like celebrity endorsements. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays the ‘Cool Uncle’ Card: Luring Gen Z with Games and Influencers While Glossing Over Fossil Fuels

Shell, the ever-so-clever fox, asserts that their ad blitz is all about showcasing their role in both traditional fuels and renewables. After all, who wouldn’t want to know about the great things a fossil fuel giant is doing in the age of climate crisis?

Posted by John Donovan: 10 November 2023

In an epic display of keeping up with the kids, Shell, the oil and gas behemoth, is donning its hippest hat to woo the young’uns. What better way to endear oneself to a generation terrified of climate change than by hopping onto Instagram, gaming platforms, and influencer bandwagons?

“I am fuelled by the ocean,” proclaims Sage Erickson, a champion surfer with 310,000 Instagram disciples, in a Shell-backed video. She talks about instilling noble values in the youth, while artfully side-stepping any mention of Shell or its fossil fuel-centric agenda. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s High Seas High Jinks: Suing the Little Greenpeace Boats for Big Green Bucks

Posted by John Donovan: 9 November 2023

In a dazzling display of corporate might meets environmental kite-flying, Shell, the ever-so-benevolent oil monarch, has unsheathed its legal swords against the high-speed rubber ducks of the sea—Greenpeace. With a modest ask of £1.7 million in damages, Shell is practically passing around the charity hat, seeking just compensation for the audacious act of activists boarding its noble vessel, the White Marlin.

As Shell puts it, with the gravity of a Shakespearean aside, they must recover “the significant costs of responding to Greenpeace’s dangerous actions.” Yes, dear reader, let’s ponder the danger of these eco-warriors and their inflatable boats against the backdrop of an oil platform, as threatening as a feather to a tank. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s ‘Lean and Mean’ Plan: A Masterclass in Selective Hearing and Eco-Selective Memory

Posted by John Donovan: 5 November 2023

As the world cries for renewable energy, Shell’s new CEO, Wael Sawan, has concocted a delicious strategy that conveniently forgets those pesky green initiatives that don’t promise massive paychecks. The plan? Embrace the fossil fuels that keep investors warm and toasty, while giving the cold shoulder to the less profitable ventures in the green space.

Sawan, with a twinkle in his eye, declares it’s time for Shell to get “leaner” and more “disciplined,” as reported by the Financial Times. Because, in the end, who needs a full-bodied approach to saving the planet when a slimmed-down, oil-guzzling figure will do just fine? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Revels in Petro Profits as World Pleads for Climate Mercy

Posted by John Donovan: 2 November 2023

In a spectacle of corporate jubilation, Shell has flaunted a $6.2 billion profit bonanza, much to the horror of environmentalists and the delight of shareholders rubbing their hands in glee. As if mother nature hadn’t suffered enough, Shell has profited handsomely from the oil price bounce, a merry-go-round fueled by Opec+’s crafty production cuts and the sad ongoing soap opera of global conflicts.

This show of profits, a slight dip from last year’s staggering $9.4 billion—when oil prices soared amidst the heart-wrenching drama of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine—still paints a rosy picture for Shell’s ledger. It seems the oil barons have found their silver lining in the dark clouds of geopolitical turmoil, with the World Bank casting a doomsday prophecy of oil prices potentially skyrocketing to an eye-watering $150 a barrel. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Crowns Himself King of the Buyback Bonanza, Sidesteps the Acquisition Arms Race

Posted by John Donovan: 2 November 2023

As the world gasps in the shadow of climate calamity, Shell CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged from the shadows, not with a plan to save the planet, but with a scheme to shower shareholders with more silver. In a dazzling display of financial acrobatics, Shell is turning its back on the charm of ‘mega acquisitions’ to play a solo game of Monopoly with its windfall profits.

Sawan, with the finesse of a Vegas high-roller, has bet big on a ‘buyback bonanza’ to keep the cash registers ringing for those with stakes in the game, prioritizing a hefty $3.5 billion repurchase raffle ticket for the next quarter. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Whispers of a BP-Shell super merger

Posted by John Donovan: 31 October 2023

Once upon a time in a land far, far away from the reality of climate change, the noble knights of Big Oil gallantly rebranded their annual jamboree to “Energy Intelligence,” because, as we all know, changing your name changes your impact on the planet. Meanwhile, our heroes of the hour, Fossil Free London, were throwing a bit of a festive blockade party at the Intercontinental. You might’ve heard of Greta Thunberg? Yeah, she was there, got a badge of honor in the form of a public disorder charge. So large was the fiesta that Shell’s head honcho Wael Sawan had to resort to Zoom to address his oil-loving subjects. How… quaint. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Brilliant Strategy: Cut Green Jobs While Pretending to Care About the Planet

Posted by John Donovan: 25 October 2023

In an awe-inspiring move to really show the world where its priorities lie, Shell has decided to trim down its low-carbon workforce, because who really needs those, right? With the earnest goal of giving profits a loving embrace, Shell announced that it will be cutting at least 15% of jobs at its low-carbon solutions division and giving its hydrogen business the cold shoulder. The mastermind behind this genius plan? CEO Wael Sawan, who’s clearly got a sixth sense for high-profit ventures. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Loving Embrace of Efficiency: Contractors, Who Needs ‘Em?

Posted by John Donovan: 20 October 2023

In the latest display of corporate generosity, Shell’s brand-new CEO Wael Sawan is ensuring that hundreds of IT contractors get the chance to experience the world outside of Shell’s illustrious doors. Why? Because nothing screams ‘performance, discipline, and simplification’ like letting a large portion of your workforce go! This strategic move is especially interesting considering permanent staff already find themselves in the minority within some IT teams. Efficiency or a fun game of musical chairs? You decide. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Finds a Warm Welcome at Havas as Extinction Rebellion Throws Surprise Party

Posted by John Donovan 17 October 2023

Oh, what a delightful turn of events! Extinction Rebellion, everyone’s favorite road-blocking, climate-conscious disruptors, have graced Havas in London with their presence. They’re quite the party planners, aren’t they?

The Extinction Rebellion activists, in all their theatrical glory, decided to pay a visit to Havas in King’s Cross, expressing their heartfelt concerns about Havas’ audacious decision to collaborate with the villainous Shell. It’s almost as if the protesters care more about the environment than Havas’ bottom line – how shocking! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Latest PR Stunt: Trying To Convince Us They Care!

Posted by John Donovan:

9 October 2023

Oh, look who’s back in the news! It’s our favorite planet-loving company, Shell! The same Shell, best known for its endless love for the environment, has graced us with yet another PR move. Because, you know, a giant oil conglomerate searching for a new PR agency partner is definitely the solution to climate change. They want to find someone who can offer all the bells and whistles—corporate comms, public affairs, influencer management—you name it. Maybe they should also add “genuine care for the environment” to that list, but hey, who are we to suggest? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Newest Genius Plan: Fuelling Digital Dreams in Fortnite, Because Why Not?

“Nice try, Shell. We’re on to you.”

Posted by John Donovan: 6 October 2023

In what appears to be a “stellar” masterstroke of marketing, the always-environmentally-aware oil giant Shell, which casually announced a quarterly profit of over $5bn, has collaborated with Fortnite creators. Their brilliant move? Paying gamers to pedal their new gasoline, V-Power Nitro+, under the guise of “ultimate road trips”. Ah, nothing says ‘thinking about the youth’s future’ quite like promoting fossil fuels in a virtual realm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Alumni Gathering: Wopke Hoekstra’s Twisted Journey from Oil Fields to EU’s Climate Command

Posted by John Donovan:

5 October 2023

BRUSSELS -The land of waffles, chocolate, and now… turning former oilmen into climate saviour’s.

European lawmakers decided to test Mr. Wopke Hoekstra’s climate sincerity, given his impressive CV flaunting a young, budding career at everyone’s eco-hero, Shell. Yet after whispering a few extra sweet nothings about stronger green measures, the green light shone on him on Wednesday.

At a spry 48, Hoekstra is gearing up to shape EU’s battle strategies against climate change. Who better to lead this vital mission in the world’s third-largest economy than someone intimately familiar with the internal workings of, ahem, Big Oil? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Attempts a Heart-to-Heart, but Is Anyone Buying It?

Posted by John Donovan 5 October 2023

In an astonishing move to show he’s “in touch” with the times, Shell Plc’s Chief Emotional Officer, Wael Sawan, plans a virtual pow-wow to soothe the jittery nerves of his eco-anxious troops. You know, those rightfully concerned about the planet’s future and all.

Remember when Sawan became the darling of environmentalists everywhere by – wait for it – prioritizing shareholder returns and reigniting Shell’s love affair with oil and gas? No? Oh, right, because that didn’t happen. What he did instead was ruffle the feathers of a number of employees, particularly the free thinkers over in the Renewables and Energy Solutions division.

Our dear CEO has kindly invited the Shell family to a little digital tea party titled “A Conversation With Wael” this October 17. The purpose? To “deepen our conversation on the opportunities and dilemmas we face as we position Shell to win in the energy transition,” an invitation bragged. The translation: “Let’s chat about why we’re clinging to our old ways, even though the house is literally on fire.”

Ahead of this riveting rendezvous, employees took to an internal forum. One heroic individual shared their struggle, stating the company’s customer-led approach makes bedtime stories with the kids a tad challenging: “It’s difficult for me to justify to my kids,” they said. Another keen observer noted that recent asset sales had Shell looking less “futuristic” and more “back in my day.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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