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Shell CEO Cries Over Biden’s LNG Timeout, Fears for Big Oil’s Fragile Confidence

Posted by John Donovan: 4 Feb 24

Oh, the horror, the absolute tragedy! Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has sounded the alarm bells, folks. It seems that President Joe Biden’s audacious pause on approvals for new liquefied natural gas (LNG) export terminals is causing a bit of a kerfuffle among the oil elites. Sawan, leading the charge with a violin so small you’d need a microscope to see it, warns that this move will “erode confidence” in the sacred halls of the fossil fuel industry, that bastion of stability in our ever-changing world. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Greta Thunberg Dodges the Slammer as Judge Gives Thumbs Down to Police Shenanigans at Oil Gala Protest

Posted by John Donovan: 3 Feb 24

In a plot twist worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster, Greta Thunberg and her band of eco-warriors were given a get-out-of-jail-free card by Westminster Magistrates’ Court today. Their crime? Daring to crash the fossil fuel fiesta known as the Energy Intelligence Forum, where oil magnates clinked their champagne glasses in glee. But alas, the Met Police played their part a tad too enthusiastically, slapping on ‘unlawful’ conditions faster than you can say “climate emergency.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Sawan Laments Over US LNG Drama While Cashing in Billions

Posted by John Donovan: 3 Feb 24

In a twist that no one saw coming, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan has spilled the tea on the latest soap opera in the LNG world, where Uncle Sam’s liquefied natural gas (LNG) sector is apparently losing its sparkle. This revelation came hot off the press during Shell’s glitzy earnings call, where Sawan played the part of a concerned corporate citizen worried about the “reliability” of American LNG, amidst a backdrop of legal tiffs and paused plant approvals. “I won’t get into the details of the legal proceedings,” he teased, leaving us all on the edge of our seats for the next episode. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Strikes It Rich in LNG Lottery While Tossing Crumbs of Greenery to the Masses

Posted by John Donovan: 3 Feb 24

Once upon a time, Shell, the oil behemoth with a soft spot for environmental exploitation, threw down a whopping $70 billion to snatch up the British gas company BG Group. This wasn’t just your average mega-corporation hoarding; no, this was Shell’s grand pivot to become a titan in the liquefied natural gas (LNG) arena. Until then, their portfolio was just your run-of-the-mill pipeline gas and, of course, our planet’s lifeblood – oil.

The big bet? LNG could be the golden ticket. Europe was giving Russian gas the cold shoulder, and for everyone else, LNG was like a trendy detox diet for their energy consumption – not quite the green smoothie of wind and solar, but hey, it was something. Shell theorized that because natural gas throws fewer tantrums than oil, we could still pat ourselves on the back for fighting climate change. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Latest Greenwashing Masterstroke: Converting Refinery to Make Fancy Oils While Keeping the Oil Party Going Elsewhere

Posted by John Donovan: 26 Jan 24

In a dazzling display of environmental sleight of hand, Shell Deutschland GmbH has triumphantly announced its Final Investment Decision (FID) to give a green makeover to its Wesseling site at the Energy and Chemicals Park Rheinland. The plan? To transform the hydrocracker into a glitzy production unit for Group III base oils, the crème de la crème of lubricants for those fancy engine and transmission oils. Because, as we all know, the real key to saving the planet is in smoother-running engines. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell vs. The World: A Tale of Carbon Emissions, Courtrooms, and Questionable Commitments

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

 Shell Plc is prepping for its big courtroom comeback. They’re appealing against a Dutch court ruling that was basically a ‘please stop ruining the planet’ request. The court had the audacity to order Shell to slash its global emissions by 45% by 2030 from its 2019 levels. Shell’s reaction? “Hold my oil barrel!”

Picture this: it’s 2021, and Friends of the Earth, along with six other NGOs and a casual 17,000 other plaintiffs, successfully argue that Shell is playing fast and loose with Dutch and European human rights law. The District Court in The Hague, in a move that probably had Shell execs spitting out their morning coffee, mandates this emission cut. Shell’s response: “Let’s take this to the appeals court!” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Old Files: The Gift That Keeps on Giving (To Climate Lawsuits)

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

In a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, newly unearthed documents from Shell’s dusty archives could turn out to be climate attorneys’ new best friends. These relics, dating back decades, have been discovered, possibly hiding under a pile of old oil barrels, and they’re singing like a canary about Shell’s knowledge of climate damages. Cue dramatic music!

Reported for the first time by DeSmog and Follow The Money, these documents, now showcased on Climate Files, are like a time capsule from a more, shall we say, ‘honest’ time at Shell. Take a 1970 industry journal article, for instance, where Shell seems to have had a moment of clarity, accepting responsibility for the harms caused by its products. “Whoops, did we do that?” they might have said.

In the 1980s and 1990s, Shell’s publications were all about the “major adverse changes” the “greenhouse effect” could cause. But, in true Shell style, as they were penning these concerns, they were also planning more oil and gas production. It’s like a villain in a movie revealing their master plan while still trying to look like the good guy. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

In a move that’s less about saving the planet and more about saving pennies, Shell Plc has kicked off a spree of job cuts. And guess what? The low-carbon solutions unit is first in line! Because who needs a greener future when you can have a leaner payroll, right?

Sources spilling the beans to Bloomberg revealed that Shell is on a mission to ‘create more value through simplification and discipline.’ Translation: ‘Let’s chop jobs to boost our bottom line.’ The low-carbon business folks are getting their marching orders first, with the corporate affairs division and project and technology departments soon to join the unemployment queue. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

New Motto at Shell California Gas Stations: ‘Gift Cards Welcome, Extra Charges Guaranteed!’

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 2024

In a move that’s less ‘filling up your tank’ and more ’emptying your wallet,’ Shell is now starring in a class action lawsuit. The allegation? Their gas stations have a peculiar habit of charging those who use a Shell gift card the credit card price for gasoline, instead of the cash price. Because who doesn’t love a surprise surcharge with their gift card?

Here’s the fun part: California civil code, clearly a document Shell uses as a coaster, states that any gift card sold after Jan. 1, 1997, should be redeemable for its cash value. So, in theory, these gift cards ought to be valid for the cash price at Shell stations. But theory and practice are two different things in Shell’s world. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s AGM: Shareholders Demand Climate Action, Shell Prefers Business as Usual

Posted by John Donovan: 17 Jan 24

Once upon a time, in the magical world of Big Oil, Shell faced a rebellion not from environmentalists, but from its own shareholders. Yes, you heard it right! The company known for its gentle, loving embrace of the environment is being asked by its investors, including the UK’s biggest pension scheme, to set bigger emissions targets. It’s like asking a dragon to be vegan, but hey, miracles can happen!

Twenty-seven investors, clearly in a moment of climate-conscious epiphany, have backed a resolution by the daring Dutch activists at Follow This. Their mission? To get Shell to align with the Paris Agreement. Mark van Baal, founder of Follow This, must feel like David facing Goliath, except this Goliath wears a suit and loves oil more than cookies. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

DISCLAIMER: Content published on this non-commercial platform may incorporate information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means, including translation and information published on Wikipedia. The articles presented may be satirical adaptations derived from one or more previously published sources, crafted to maintain factual accuracy while incorporating elements of satire. Individuals or entities mentioned in our articles are encouraged to notify us of any inaccuracies that may require rectification. Readers are advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Dutch Government Reluctantly Flicks On Groningen’s ‘Pilot Light’ Amid Chilly Weather

This backtrack comes after they boldly declared they would end Groningen’s production last October, winding it down over the years because of the pesky earthquakes. But now, they’re exercising their ‘just in case’ option, like someone keeping an ex’s number ‘just for emergencies.’

Posted by John Donovan 10 Jan 24

In a move that screams ‘last resort,’ the Dutch government, like a reluctant parent turning on the night light for a scared child, has decided to fire up the ‘pilot light’ at the Groningen gas field. This decision comes amidst the impending cold snap, reminding everyone that sometimes, even governments have to go back on their word.

NAM (Nederlandse Aardolie Maatschappij), the prodigal child of Shell and Exxon and operator of the Groningen gas field, has a bit of a shaky history, quite literally. This gas field is infamous for its earthquakes, which have been more than just a minor inconvenience for the locals. Picture this: a 3.6 magnitude earthquake back in 2012 near Huizinge, which residents felt more intensely than their morning coffee. No wonder the Dutch cabinet, in a moment of environmental awakening, announced the field’s closure in 2018. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Financial Rollercoaster: Big Bucks in Gas, Oopsies in Chemicals

Posted by John Donovan 8 Jan 24

In a stunning display of financial gymnastics, Shell has managed to pull off a spectacular feat: raking in the dough from gas trading while simultaneously flagging a modest $2.5 billion to $4.5 billion in impairment costs.

The FTSE 100 energy behemoth, in a Monday announcement that must have had its accountants in a tizzy, warned that it’s expecting to declare these little oopsies in charges. Apparently, these are mostly thanks to its Singapore-based refining and chemical hub having a bit of an off day. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Joins BP in Playground Squabble Over Venture Global LNG’s Toy Box

Posted by John Donovan: 5 Jan 2024

In what seems like a scene straight out of a corporate soap opera, Shell PLC has decided to buddy up with BP PLC in their ongoing tiff with Venture Global LNG. The bone of contention? Access to the apparently exclusive club of liquefied natural gas (LNG) supplies, from which Shell and BP feel unjustly barred. This drama, worth more than a whopping $18 billion in superchilled gas exports, was recently aired out in a filing with U.S. regulators.

Venture Global’s Calcasieu Pass, which sounds more like a secret handshake than an export facility, has been playing the elusive host, producing and selling LNG for over 20 months. Meanwhile, Shell, BP, and their band of energy cronies, including Edison SpA, Polish state firm Orlen, and Spain’s Repsol, have been left knocking at the door, claiming they’ve been ghosted on their term-contract cargoes. Being told that the plant is still ‘getting ready’ – a.k.a. in the commissioning phase – doesn’t sit well with them. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Netherlands CEO Bemoans the Inconvenience of Saving the Planet

Posted by John Donovan: 3 Jan 2024

In a recent outburst of corporate dismay, Shell Netherlands’ CEO, Frans Everts, shed tears over how pesky environmental lawsuits are wreaking havoc on the poor, defenseless business climate in the Netherlands. Speaking to the Telegraaf, he lamented that these legal shenanigans aimed at individual companies like his own are just not cricket, especially when they’re the only ones being told off.

Let’s rewind to 2021, when a court had the audacity to order Shell to cut net carbon emissions by 45% from 2019 levels by 2030. The District Court in The Hague, apparently not understanding how inconvenient this is for oil giants, gave Shell a homework assignment with options – reforestation, carbon capture, you name it. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Magnates Celebrate Profits With A Rain of Cash, While the World Burns

Posted by John Donovan: 2 Jan 2024

Oh, what a time to be alive in the golden age of oil! As the world gasps in horror at climate change and energy crises, our heroic oil companies – BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies – are set to dole out a staggering $100 billion in payouts to their beloved shareholders. It’s like a fairy tale, where the rich get richer while the planet heats up!

In 2022, these noble guardians of fossil fuels blessed their shareholders with $104 billion in dividends and buybacks, according to the Institute for Energy Economics and Financial Analysis (IEEFA). All this, after a year of record-breaking profits thanks to the turmoil in energy markets. Who knew that a global crisis could be so lucrative? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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