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May, 2024:

Shell Puts Legal Smackdown on Eco-Warriors, Because, You Know, Profits

Posted by John Donovan: 15 May 2024

Shell, that lovable behemoth of the oil world, has lawyered up big time! In an absolutely not dramatic overreach, they’ve clamped down on the pesky Just Stop Oil protesters with a shiny new injunction at their High Wycombe petrol party palace.

Now, plastered like a warning label on cigarettes, a legal notice grandly hangs at the entrance of Shell Loudwater, effectively saying “Keep Out” to anyone thinking about messing with their precious pumps. According to the High Court’s decree, you can’t block the forecourt, disrupt fuel supplies, or damage any equipment. And for those thinking about a bit of creative expression, forget about attaching yourself to the pumps, building forts, or turning the place into your personal art canvas. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Ghostly Carbon Credits: Spooky Scandal or Just Another Day in Big Oil’s Playbook?

Posted by John Donovan: 14 May 2024

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to witness the astonishing spectacle of Shell’s latest performance in the carbon credit circus—featuring their star act, the “Phantom Carbon Credits!” That’s right, Shell has once again slipped into the role of the environmental illusionist, trading in what turns out to be absolutely zilch in the real world of CO2 reduction. Let’s give them a round of disbelief, shall we?

Nestled in the heart of Alberta, Canada, Shell’s Quest carbon capture facility became the unlikely star of a scandal where they apparently conjured up double the carbon credits they were supposed to. Yes, you heard that right—like a bad magician pulling fake rabbits out of a hat, from 2015 to 2021, Shell pulled out 5.7 million credits that, oops, didn’t quite match the actual CO2 reductions. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell wants a quickie divorce from Nigeria

Posted by John Donovan: 14 May 2024

Oh, look who’s tiptoeing out of the Niger Delta with their oil-stained boots and a trail of ecological nightmares! Yes, folks, it’s none other than Shell, the charming oil giant, who after decades of turning lush lands into post-apocalyptic wastelands, now wants a quickie divorce from Nigeria. And guess what? Nigeria’s oil industry regulator is ready to be the accommodating judge who’ll rubber-stamp the paperwork with a fast-track sales approval. How convenient!

Isa Sanusi from Amnesty International couldn’t have put it more poignantly, “With Shell currently seeking regulatory approval for the sale of its business in the Niger Delta, it is essential that it is held fully to account for decades of grievous human rights abuses related to oil spills which have polluted the environment, contaminated drinking water and poisoned agricultural land, fisheries and people.” Hear, hear, Isa! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Back to Basics or Backwards? Shell and BP Hug Their Oil Barrels Tighter Than Ever, Shareholders Gleefully Applaud

Posted by John Donovan 10 May 2024

In a thrilling turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Shell and BP have decided that their true calling is not in saving the planet, but in stacking cash to the ceiling. In their latest “screw the environment, we’re going back to oil” conference, these darlings of the FTSE 100 dazzled investors by basically promising to print money and give it all to them. Boring? Maybe. Profitable? Absolutely.

“Shell and BP had a simple message for investors at their latest results: boring is back. After delighting the world with their flings into green energy, it seems our oil magnates got cold feet. Why court solar and wind when you can make a cushy living drilling good ol’ fossil fuels? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Total Plot Move to NYC: Because When You’re Desperate, Anything Sounds Like a Good Idea!

Posted by John Donovan: 9 May 2024

Alright, folks, gather ’round for a classic tale of “The Grass is Greener in the U.S.,” starring none other than Shell and TotalEnergies, the European oil megastars. In their latest “poor us” saga, they’re eyeing New York like it’s the promised land of stock market valuations. Oh, the excitement!

Now, don’t get too teary-eyed, but Shell’s Chief Executive, Wael Sawan, dropped a little hint on his earnings call that if Europe keeps treating them like the ugly ducklings of the stock market, they might just take their ball and go play in New York by the end of 2025. TotalEnergies’ big boss, Patrick Pouyanné, isn’t sitting quietly either. He’s been tasked by the board to mull over this geographical leap of faith and spill the beans by September. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Ditches Singapore Gig for ‘Greener’ Pastures—No, Really, They’re Going Green!

Posted John Donovan: 9 May 2024

In a move that screams “We’re not just oil barons, we swear!”, Shell has decided to offload its shiny refinery and petrochemical assets in Singapore. That’s right, folks, the glittering jewel of Asia’s oil crown is getting passed to a duo who probably couldn’t wait to say, “Yes, please!” Enter the scene: Indonesian chemicals giant Chandra Asri and the Swiss master of mines and money, Glencore.

Remember last August when the gossip was hot about Shell whispering to Goldman Sachs to help it dump its Singapore toys? Well, it’s happening. Shell is all set to hand over everything—yes, literally every bolt, barrel, and business deal from its Shell Energy and Chemicals Park Singapore to this thing called CAPGC. That includes a refinery pumping out 237,000 barrels a day and a cracker (no, not the snack) producing 1.1 million metric tons of ethylene yearly. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and TotalEnergies Eye Greener Pastures: The Big Apple’s Stock Exchange

Posted by John Donovan: 7 May 2024

Oh, the drama! TotalEnergies and Shell, those titans of the oil industry, are having a little daydream about moving their stock listings to the flashy stages of Wall Street. Why, you ask? Their current market valuations are as deflated as a punctured oil barrel. Boo-hoo.

In a tragic tale of European neglect and American allure, these two energy behemoths are feeling undervalued back home—kind of like ageing movie stars pining for one last blockbuster. TotalEnergies, the belle of France, is so distraught that even Patrick Pouyanné, the CEO, is openly mulling over a move. He confessed in an earnings call, “There was a discussion with the board.” Yes, folks, they’re “seriously looking at it” because, let’s face it, America is where the big-money parties are. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Shell Game: Selling Smoke and Mirrors with ‘Phantom’ Carbon Credits!

Posted by John Donovan: 5 May 2024

In a move that could only be described as a masterclass in corporate chutzpah, Shell, the reigning champion of environmental lip service, has been caught with its hand in the carbon cookie jar, selling millions of carbon credits as substantial as a politician’s promises.

Enter Alberta, the land of opportunity for oil giants looking to greenwash their way to profitability. Here, Shell found a cozy little subsidy scheme that allowed them to register and sell carbon credits tied to CO₂ removal that was about as real as a unicorn sighting. According to the province’s registry, Shell managed to pull off the miraculous feat of selling credits equivalent to twice the volume of emissions avoided by its Quest carbon capture facility, which, surprise, surprise, didn’t quite live up to its carbon-sucking hype. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell to Bid Farewell to South Africa?

Posted by John Donovan: 5 May 2024

In a plot twist worthy of a soap opera finale, Shell, the oil behemoth with a heart as black as its crude, is reportedly packing its bags and bidding a tearful farewell to South Africa. Because when you’ve spent over a century plundering resources and polluting with abandon, what’s one more continent left in your wake?

According to reports that sound more like the stuff of urban legends than corporate reality, Shell is set to divest its whopping 72% stake in Shell Downstream South Africa. Cue the dramatic music as Shell’s BEE partner, Thebe Investments, watches its dreams of oily riches slip through its fingers like so much spilt petrol. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Historical Legacy: From Oil Tycoon to Nazi Collaborator!

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Posted by John Donovan: 4 May 2024

In a stunning historical revelation that could make even the most cynical among us raise an eyebrow, it turns out that Shell, the quintessential emblem of corporate greed and environmental apathy, once dabbled in a little side hustle: collaborating with Nazis. When you’re already in the business of ruthlessly exploiting resources, why not throw a bit of fascism into the mix?

As German forces strutted into Vienna on that fateful day in March 1938, Shell, ever the opportunist, saw the writing on the wall and decided to cosy up to the Nazi regime faster than you can say “blitzkrieg.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s New UK Boss: A Master of Environmental Destruction!

Posted by John Donovan 4 May 2024

In an eyebrow-raising move that could only be described as a masterpiece in corporate irony, Shell, the paragon of environmental negligence, has proudly appointed Parminder Kohli as its new UK country chair. Who better to lead a company infamous for its ruthless exploitation of natural resources than someone entrenched in its culture of profit-over-planet?

Replacing David Bunch, Kohli steps into the limelight, not only as the new head honcho but also as the champion of sustainability and carbon reduction. A bit like putting a fox in charge of the henhouse, if the fox claimed it was there to promote vegetarianism. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Seafaring Carnival of Fossil Fools: A Masterclass in Eco-Friendly Hypocrisy

Posted by John Donovan: 3 May 2024

In a stunning display of eco-friendly acrobatics, Shell and its cohorts are ramping up offshore drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, reassuring us that it’s all for the noble cause of emitting slightly less greenhouse gases. Apparently, drilling in the ocean is like a diet version of environmental destruction.

The pièce de résistance? A colossal floating platform named Appomattox, proudly owned by Shell, bobbing about 80 miles off Louisiana’s coast like a monument to human hubris. It’s a real-life version of “Waterworld,” minus Kevin Costner’s rugged charm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell: Masters of Environmental Destruction, Not So Keen on New York Relisting Right Now

Posted 2 May 2024 by John Donovan

In a stunning display of corporate benevolence, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan announced that the oil behemoth is graciously not considering relisting in New York at the moment. How thoughtful! Instead, they’re laser-focused on buying back shares, because apparently, that’s what the world needs more of—Shell shares.

Sawan, in a call with analysts, outlined Shell’s noble mission to bridge the valuation gap with its U.S. rivals. Because, you know, when you’re already swimming in oil money, why not aim for even more obscene profits? “We will always have something like a listing or other elements under review,” Sawan remarked, as if to say, “We’re always on the lookout for new ways to exploit the planet.”

And just in case you were wondering, Shell’s shares are currently trading below “fair market value,” according to Sawan. Well, gosh darn it, we can’t have that, can we? Because when you’re a ruthless polluter, it’s crucial that your stock price reflects your true worth as a destroyer of ecosystems. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Profit Bonanza: Because Who Needs a Planet Anyway?

Posted by John Donovan: 2 May 2024

In a jaw-dropping display of corporate gluttony, Shell has proudly announced a first-quarter profit of $7.7 billion, leaving investors rubbing their hands in glee and environmentalists shaking their heads in disbelief.

But fear not, dear shareholders, for Shell has graciously decided to share the wealth by repurchasing a further $3.5 billion of its own shares over the next three months. Because nothing says “responsible corporate citizen” like lining your own pockets while the planet burns, right?

CEO Wael Sawan couldn’t contain his excitement, declaring it “another quarter of strong operational and financial performance.” Ah, yes, because who cares about the climate crisis when there are profits to be made? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Climate Action: A Comedy of Errors

Posted by John Donovan: 2 May 2024

In a truly laughable turn of events, big investors in Shell are urging their fellow shareholders to support greater climate action. Because nothing says “let’s save the planet” like being one of the world’s largest fossil fuel producers, right?

These investors, including the likes of Amundi and Axa Investment Managers, are collectively clutching about 2.5 percent of Shell’s shares and have filed a resolution calling on the company to align its greenhouse gas emissions targets with the Paris Agreement. Because apparently, Shell’s current “targets and ambitions” – you know, the ones that conveniently ignore the impending climate catastrophe – just aren’t cutting it. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s “Green” Exit from China: Profit Over Planet

Posted by John Donovan: 2 May 2024

In a move that truly exemplifies their commitment to saving the planet, Shell has decided to bid farewell to their power generation business in China. But fear not, fellow Earthlings, for they’re not completely abandoning their efforts to combat climate change – they’re just prioritising profits over, well, everything else.

Shell’s CEO wants you to know that reducing global oil and gas production would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” Because obviously, what the world really needs right now is more hydrocarbons. It’s not like we’re facing a climate crisis or anything.

Closing divisions that generate green power and trade in low-carbon electricity, Shell bids adieu to nearly 2,000 employees across China, proving once again that when it comes to corporate responsibility, they’re the epitome of… something.

But hey, don’t let the door hit you on the way out of China, Shell. They’re keeping their electric vehicle charging operation open because, you know, electric cars are the future. Or maybe they just realized there’s money to be made there. Who can tell? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.