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Business Principles

Shell’s Climate Targets: A Masterclass in Greenwashing and Greed

Shell’s priorities are crystal clear: profits over people, greed over green.

Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it seems like Shell’s climate targets just got a facelift—and boy, is it a sight to behold. In a move that can only be described as a slap in the face to environmental progress, the UK’s favourite oil and gas giant has decided to water down its commitments to cutting carbon emissions, all while maintaining its oh-so-noble pledge for net zero by 2050. How commendable!

In a stunning display of corporate doublespeak, Shell revealed its latest energy transition update, proudly announcing that it had diluted key climate targets, including the ever-so-crucial “net carbon intensity.” Because why bother actually reducing emissions when you can just tweak the numbers to make it look like you’re doing something, am I right? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Co.’s Latest Scheme: Dumping CO2 in Southeast Asia, Because Why the Hell Not?

Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it looks like the oil giants have come up with a brilliant new plan to tackle climate change: burying massive amounts of CO2 deep underground in Southeast Asia. Yes, you heard that right. After decades of gleefully pumping carbon into the atmosphere like there’s no tomorrow, Exxon, Shell, Chevron, and their merry band of polluters have suddenly had a change of heart—or more likely, a change of profit margins.

You see, carbon dioxide storage is the latest cash cow for these fossil fuel fiends, promising them billions in revenue while they continue to wreak havoc on our planet. And where better to dump their toxic waste than in countries like Indonesia and Malaysia, where regulations are lax and profits are high?

Exxon Mobil’s CEO Darren Woods is practically giddy at the prospect, boasting about securing “exclusive rights to CO2 storage” in these unsuspecting nations. Nothing says “saving the planet” like monopolizing the substance driving us towards environmental catastrophe. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pennsylvania Plastics Plant: The Clean Air Saga Continues

Shell’s track record reads like a laundry list of environmental atrocities, complete with fines totalling over $10 million for exceeding pollution limits and casually dumping carcinogens into the Ohio River like it’s no big deal.

Posted by John Donovan: 28 March 2024

Shell Chemical Appalachia, the purveyor of pollution and champion of environmental negligence, is being dragged kicking and screaming into the realm of regulatory oversight. It’s about damn time!

For a whopping year and a half, Shell has been merrily chugging along under the guise of a construction permit, belching out more toxic fumes than a chimney on steroids. But fear not, concerned citizens, for the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) has finally decided to slap them with a reality check—a shiny new air pollution permit, complete with all the bells and whistles of federal Clean Air Act laws. Hooray for accountability! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Flaring Fiasco: Deer Park Chemical Plant Puts on a Light Show, Community Left in the Dark

…while Shell may be busy burning off whatever toxic cocktail they’ve brewed up this time, the folks in Deer Park are left choking on the fumes, both literally and figuratively.

Posted by John Donovan: 27 March 2024

Gather ’round for another dazzling display of Shell’s exceptional commitment to environmental stewardship—or lack thereof. In a feat that could rival the best fireworks show in town, the Deer Park chemical plant has been lighting up the sky with flares since last Thursday, and guess what? The party’s just getting started!

Now, you might think that flaring during an emergency is a cause for celebration, a reassuring sign that all is well in the kingdom of fossil fuels. But hold your applause, dear citizens, because while Shell may be busy burning off whatever toxic cocktail they’ve brewed up this time, the folks in Deer Park are left choking on the fumes, both literally and figuratively. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Russia’s Shell Game: Sakhalin LNG Stake Swapped Like Trading Cards, This Time Gazprom Wins

Posted by John Donovan: 27 March 2024

Well, well, well, folks, gather ’round for another chapter in the thrilling saga of Shell’s misadventures in the land of oil and oligarchs. In this latest installment, the Russian government has decided to play a game of hot potato with Shell’s minority stake in the Sakhalin LNG project, ultimately passing it off to their favorite playmate, state-controlled behemoth Gazprom, for a cool $1 billion.

Now, let’s rewind a bit, shall we? Shell, ever the enterprising multinational, originally held the reins in this project until they found themselves caught up in a web of intrigue involving insider info, espionage, and more drama than a daytime soap opera. And who’s behind this plot twist, you ask? None other than yours truly, providing juicy tidbits to the Russian government back in the day, leading to Shell setting up their very own spy network. Ah, the things we do for love—err, I mean, gas. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Friends’ Climate Change Lies: Another Lawsuit Calls Out Big Oil’s Deception

“These companies have known since at least the 1950s that their ways of doing business were having calamitous effects on our planet, and rather than change what they were doing or raise the alarm, they lied to all of us.”

Posted by John Donovan 27 March 2024

In a move that surprises exactly no one who’s been paying attention to the planet literally burning, Bucks County, nestled in suburban Philadelphia, has taken a bold step in joining the chorus of voices suing Big Oil for their epic saga of deception regarding climate change.

Bucks County, in its lawsuit against a handful of oil behemoths, points fingers at these corporate giants for a litany of sins, including but not limited to, more storms than a Shakespearean tragedy, flooding that would make Noah blush, and heat waves that would melt the polar ice caps faster than you can say “polar bear.” Oh, and let’s not forget the casualties—like the seven unfortunate souls who met their watery demise in a flash flood last summer, courtesy of climate change’s MVPs: oil companies. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Laments: “How Dare You Sue Us for Ruining the Planet!”

That’s right, folks—while the rest of the world is desperately trying to curb emissions, Shell is busy backpedaling on its promises faster than you can say “hypocrisy.”

Posted 24 March 2024 by John Donovan

In a jaw-dropping display of corporate entitlement, Frans Everts, the CEO of Shell Netherlands, took to the airwaves to bemoan the audacity of environmental organizations daring to sue companies like Shell. Because clearly, holding polluting behemoths accountable for their role in climate catastrophe is just plain unfair, right?

In a riveting performance on TV program WNL Op Zondag, Everts cried foul, claiming that climate lawsuits were nothing short of economic sabotage. “It does not solve the problems,” he lamented, conveniently forgetting that maybe—just maybe—stopping the relentless pollution might actually, you know, solve a few problems. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Giants in Panic Mode: Payout Promises Up in Smoke as Prices Plummet

Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

Well, well, well, it looks like the bigwigs in the oil industry are having a bit of a “Oh shit, what now?” moment as oil prices take a nosedive. In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except maybe every economist ever), Brent crude decided to plummet a whopping 24% in a single day, leaving oil executives scratching their heads and frantically revising their plans to return billions to investors.

It seems the recent oil price rollercoaster was triggered by Russia saying “nyet” to an OPEC agreement to cut output. And just like that, the oil market went from “steady sailing” to “full-blown panic mode” faster than you can say “fossil fuels are so last century.”

Now, in a desperate attempt to keep investors from jumping ship, oil companies are scrambling to reassess their spending plans. But let’s be real here, folks—when your primary source of income is as volatile as a teenager’s mood swings, you’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Great Escape: Fleeing Protests with the Efficiency of a Greased Pig

As long as the oil keeps flowing and the profits keep rolling in, who cares about a few unpaid workers?

Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

In a move that can only be described as “strategic retreat” (or, let’s be honest, “run for the hills”), Royal Dutch Shell has evacuated around 60 foreign staff from Iraq’s Basra Gas Company. But don’t worry, folks, Shell assures us that this sudden exodus is merely a security measure, prompted by a teensy-weensy protest over delayed pay. Because when in doubt, evacuate, right?

The fun began when workers at Basra Gas Company (BGC) decided they were tired of waiting for their paychecks to arrive. In a move that Shell probably didn’t anticipate during their morning coffee, these brave souls took to the streets to demand what’s rightfully theirs. And what did Shell do in response? They promptly packed their bags and flew their foreign staff out of the country faster than you can say “employee satisfaction.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s “Oops, We Flared Again” Excuse Raises Eyebrows and Air Quality Concerns

So, as the flames dance merrily in the night sky, let’s raise a toast to Shell and its impeccable track record of putting profits over people. Because when it comes to corporate accountability, Shell’s motto seems to be: “Oops, we flared again, but don’t worry, it’s just business as usual.”

Posted by John Donovan: 23 March 2024

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Shell Chemicals’ facility in Deer Park has treated nearby residents to yet another dazzling display of environmental irresponsibility. But fear not, dear citizens, for Shell has a perfectly reasonable explanation for this week-long flare extravaganza—it’s all because of a drumroll power outage! Yes, apparently, even multi-billion-dollar corporations can’t escape the occasional blackout.

Residents in the vicinity of Shell’s chemical facility were graced with the sight of a flaming beacon of corporate negligence, with Shell generously informing them that they can expect this fiery spectacle to last for a delightful four to seven days. Because who needs fireworks when you have flares burning off excess chemicals, am I right? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Air Pollution Permit Countdown: Tick-Tock, Time’s Up, Big Oil!

…who needs clean air when you can have profit margins as thick as the smog hanging over Shell’s conscience?

Posted by John Donovan 23 March 2024

In a surprising turn of events that may have Shell executives sweating more than just crude oil, the Pennsylvania Dept. of Environmental Protection (DEP) has issued a stern “get your act together” notice to the Shell ethane cracker plant. Essentially, they’ve slapped Shell with a deadline and said, “You’re time is up.” Yes, you read that correctly—apparently, even government agencies have given up on proper grammar when dealing with oil giants. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Ascension of Greg Joiner to Position of Executive VP at Shell Energy

Posted by John Donovan: 23 March 2024

In a move that will surely make Mother Nature roll her eyes and shrug in resignation, Shell has proudly announced the ascension of Greg Joiner to the position of Executive Vice President at Shell Energy. Who better to lead the charge on cleaner energy solutions than an oil and gas behemoth that has spent decades contributing to the climate crisis?

Joiner’s illustrious career at Shell, spanning back to the dawn of the millennium, apparently qualifies him to spearhead the company’s efforts in decarbonization. One can only assume he’s been perfecting the art of greenwashing since his days as a Business Development Manager for Pulse Energy in Australia. Ah, the memories of Shell’s early 2000s foray into electricity and gas retailing, like a fine wine tainted with the taste of environmental degradation.

In his own words, Joiner expressed his eagerness to continue Shell’s legacy of… well, whatever they’re trying to do. “I have now been with Shell for over 30 years,” he proudly proclaimed on LinkedIn, conveniently omitting any mention of the countless oil spills, emissions, and environmental devastation that may have occurred during his tenure. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Ditches Massachusetts Wind Project Like a Bad Tinder Date, Because Who Needs Renewable Energy When You’ve Got Oil?

Posted by John Donovan: 21 March 2024

In a move as shocking as discovering water is wet, Shell has decided to say “Thank U, Next” to its 50% stake in SouthCoast Wind Energy, leaving the offshore wind project off the coast of Massachusetts faster than a college student leaving their morals at spring break. The lucky recipient of Shell’s fleeting affection? Its joint venture partner, Ocean Winds North America LLC, who probably swiped right without realizing what they were getting into. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil Plays Pretend: Phasing Out Fossil Fuels Deemed ‘Fantasy’ Amid Record Profits

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate doublethink, oil moguls gathered in Houston, casually shrugging off any pretence of urgency in the face of the climate crisis. Despite John F. Kerry’s victory lap at the U.N. Climate Change Conference in Dubai, declaring a monumental shift away from fossil fuels, the lords of oil in Houston had a hearty laugh. “Missed the memo, John,” they seemed to say, before diving into their Scrooge McDuck-style money vaults. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Activists to Ad Agencies: Beware of Shell’s Siren Song, Lest Ye Become Gaslighting Accomplices

Havas, the brave soul who took on the Shell media account, found itself in hot water, experiencing a backlash that could only be described as what happens when you realize you’ve accidentally helped decorate the banquet hall for the Titanic’s farewell dinner.

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In an era where even our snacks are going green, Comms Declare, the activist group with a penchant for ruining Big Oil’s marketing dreams, has issued a stark warning to all ad agencies: pitching for Shell Energy’s creative account is like signing a deal with the devil but with less fire and more gaslighting.

Shell, known affectionately as the Olympic champion of gaslighting, has put on its best sheep’s clothing, beckoning ad agencies to help peddle its renewables and energy solutions business in Australia. But Comms Declare is calling BS, suggesting that anyone who takes the bait is essentially propping up the glossy facade of a company that’s doubling down on its oil and gas love affair. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Extinction Rebellion Throws a Block Party at Shell’s Doorstep

Posted by John Donovan 20 March 2024

In a stunning display of “not today, Satan,” climate crusaders from Extinction Rebellion decided it was high time to throw a little shindig at the access roads to Shell Pernis.

The reason for this festive blockade? Shell, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that what the world really needs right now is more oil and gas. Because, of course, the best way to handle a climate crisis is to double down on the cause. It’s a bit like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it—literally. Meanwhile, Shell’s old rigs and pipelines in the North Sea are enjoying a lovely retirement, slowly rusting away like forgotten relics of a bygone era. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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