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Shell and BP: Time to Jump Ship to the Land of Oil Lovers?

Posted by John Donovan: 19 April 2024

Well, well, well, look who’s feeling the heat across the pond! It seems like Europe’s giving our dear oil giants, Shell and BP, a real headache with all that pesky climate policy and regulatory drama.

But fear not, fellow capitalists! The good ol’ U.S. of A. is rolling out the red carpet, ready to embrace these struggling energy giants with open arms. That’s right, Houston’s calling, and it’s saying, “Come on over, we’ve got plenty of love for oil and gas.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Exodus Threatens UK’s Stock Market Status Quo

Posted by John Donovan: 8 April 2024

In a move that screams “Sayonara, London,” Shell is eyeing an escape to New York, leaving the UK stock market reeling and investors scratching their heads.

Wael Sawan, Shell’s big cheese, dropped the bombshell, hinting at the company’s dissatisfaction with its London listing. “I have a location that clearly seems to be undervalued,” he lamented, painting a picture of a company unappreciated and unloved.

But why the sudden urge to swap tea for coffee? Well, it seems Shell is tired of playing second fiddle to its American counterparts. With Exxon Mobil and Chevron strutting their stuff on Wall Street, Shell feels like the neglected stepchild stuck in dreary old London. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Giants’ Climate Targets Go Up in Smoke

Another day, another dose of corporate greed and environmental destruction. Will these oil giants ever learn? Or will they continue to put profits over the planet?

Posted by John Donovan 30 March 2024

Brace yourselves for another round of corporate shenanigans, this time starring none other than Shell, the world’s second-largest oil and gas company. In a move that surprises absolutely no one except maybe the most optimistic tree-hugger, Shell has decided to scale back its climate pledges. Saving the planet is just too darn risky for these fossil fuel titans.

Shell’s chief executive, Wael Sawan, voiced his concerns to Reuters, declaring it “perilous” to set emission reduction targets for 2035 due to the “uncertainty” in the energy transition trajectory. Translation: We’re not sure if we want to stop destroying the planet just yet, folks. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Co.’s Latest Scheme: Dumping CO2 in Southeast Asia, Because Why the Hell Not?

Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it looks like the oil giants have come up with a brilliant new plan to tackle climate change: burying massive amounts of CO2 deep underground in Southeast Asia. Yes, you heard that right. After decades of gleefully pumping carbon into the atmosphere like there’s no tomorrow, Exxon, Shell, Chevron, and their merry band of polluters have suddenly had a change of heart—or more likely, a change of profit margins.

You see, carbon dioxide storage is the latest cash cow for these fossil fuel fiends, promising them billions in revenue while they continue to wreak havoc on our planet. And where better to dump their toxic waste than in countries like Indonesia and Malaysia, where regulations are lax and profits are high?

Exxon Mobil’s CEO Darren Woods is practically giddy at the prospect, boasting about securing “exclusive rights to CO2 storage” in these unsuspecting nations. Nothing says “saving the planet” like monopolizing the substance driving us towards environmental catastrophe. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Friends’ Climate Change Lies: Another Lawsuit Calls Out Big Oil’s Deception

“These companies have known since at least the 1950s that their ways of doing business were having calamitous effects on our planet, and rather than change what they were doing or raise the alarm, they lied to all of us.”

Posted by John Donovan 27 March 2024

In a move that surprises exactly no one who’s been paying attention to the planet literally burning, Bucks County, nestled in suburban Philadelphia, has taken a bold step in joining the chorus of voices suing Big Oil for their epic saga of deception regarding climate change.

Bucks County, in its lawsuit against a handful of oil behemoths, points fingers at these corporate giants for a litany of sins, including but not limited to, more storms than a Shakespearean tragedy, flooding that would make Noah blush, and heat waves that would melt the polar ice caps faster than you can say “polar bear.” Oh, and let’s not forget the casualties—like the seven unfortunate souls who met their watery demise in a flash flood last summer, courtesy of climate change’s MVPs: oil companies. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Giants in Panic Mode: Payout Promises Up in Smoke as Prices Plummet

Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

Well, well, well, it looks like the bigwigs in the oil industry are having a bit of a “Oh shit, what now?” moment as oil prices take a nosedive. In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except maybe every economist ever), Brent crude decided to plummet a whopping 24% in a single day, leaving oil executives scratching their heads and frantically revising their plans to return billions to investors.

It seems the recent oil price rollercoaster was triggered by Russia saying “nyet” to an OPEC agreement to cut output. And just like that, the oil market went from “steady sailing” to “full-blown panic mode” faster than you can say “fossil fuels are so last century.”

Now, in a desperate attempt to keep investors from jumping ship, oil companies are scrambling to reassess their spending plans. But let’s be real here, folks—when your primary source of income is as volatile as a teenager’s mood swings, you’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil Plays Pretend: Phasing Out Fossil Fuels Deemed ‘Fantasy’ Amid Record Profits

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate doublethink, oil moguls gathered in Houston, casually shrugging off any pretence of urgency in the face of the climate crisis. Despite John F. Kerry’s victory lap at the U.N. Climate Change Conference in Dubai, declaring a monumental shift away from fossil fuels, the lords of oil in Houston had a hearty laugh. “Missed the memo, John,” they seemed to say, before diving into their Scrooge McDuck-style money vaults. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Activists to Ad Agencies: Beware of Shell’s Siren Song, Lest Ye Become Gaslighting Accomplices

Havas, the brave soul who took on the Shell media account, found itself in hot water, experiencing a backlash that could only be described as what happens when you realize you’ve accidentally helped decorate the banquet hall for the Titanic’s farewell dinner.

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In an era where even our snacks are going green, Comms Declare, the activist group with a penchant for ruining Big Oil’s marketing dreams, has issued a stark warning to all ad agencies: pitching for Shell Energy’s creative account is like signing a deal with the devil but with less fire and more gaslighting.

Shell, known affectionately as the Olympic champion of gaslighting, has put on its best sheep’s clothing, beckoning ad agencies to help peddle its renewables and energy solutions business in Australia. But Comms Declare is calling BS, suggesting that anyone who takes the bait is essentially propping up the glossy facade of a company that’s doubling down on its oil and gas love affair. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil’s Profit Party: Dancing on the Graves of Global Crisis

…let’s face it, entrusting the fate of our planet and our pockets to these profit-obsessed behemoths is like asking a fox to guard the henhouse

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Feb 24

Ladies and gents, fasten your seatbelts for a ride on the Greed Express, hosted by none other than the world’s oil oligarchs, those darlings of disaster, who’ve been making it rain with profits while the world burns (literally and metaphorically). In the blue corner, weighing in with more dollars than decency, are the heavyweights of hydrocarbons: BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies. Together, these titans of turmoil have bagged a cool $281 billion in profits since Russia decided to play war games in Ukraine. That’s billion, with a “B,” folks. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and Exxon Take Dutch Government to Court Over Gas Field Party Pooper

Posted by John Donovan; 14 Feb 24

In an epic tale of corporate vs. nature, Shell and ExxonMobil, the dynamic duo of fossil fuel festivities, have decided it’s time to drag the Dutch government to arbitration court. Why, you ask? Well, they’re a tad miffed that the Netherlands dared to halt their gas-guzzling shindig at the Groningen field, a once merry-go-round of gas supply that fueled Europe’s energy binges for decades.

Let’s set the scene: Groningen, a field so bountiful that Mother Nature herself might blush, has been the life of the party since the swinging ’60s. But as with all good things, the Dutch government, in a move as buzz-killing as it was seismic, decided in 2018 that the earth-shaking consequences of gas extraction were a party foul too severe. By last year, they called last rounds, decreeing that wells be shut down faster than you can say “earthquake.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Dodging Responsibility One Oil Spill at a Time

In the Niger Delta, where Shell’s oil operations have been as welcome as a mosquito at a BBQ…

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Jan 24

In the latest episode of ‘Shell’s Adventures in Nigeria,’ the British multinational energy giant, known for its gentle caress of the environment (cue eye roll), has announced plans to sell off its onshore Nigerian subsidiary, Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC). The price tag? A cool $2.4 billion (€2.2 billion). The buyers? Renaissance, a band of Nigerian explorers and an international energy group. But wait, there’s a catch – it’s still waiting for the Nigerian government’s thumbs up. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Shell’s Job Cutting Spree

Posted by John Donovan: 18 Jan 24

In a move that’s less about saving the planet and more about saving pennies, Shell Plc has kicked off a spree of job cuts. And guess what? The low-carbon solutions unit is first in line! Because who needs a greener future when you can have a leaner payroll, right?

Sources spilling the beans to Bloomberg revealed that Shell is on a mission to ‘create more value through simplification and discipline.’ Translation: ‘Let’s chop jobs to boost our bottom line.’ The low-carbon business folks are getting their marching orders first, with the corporate affairs division and project and technology departments soon to join the unemployment queue. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

DISCLAIMER: Content published on this non-commercial platform may incorporate information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means, including translation and information published on Wikipedia. The articles presented may be satirical adaptations derived from one or more previously published sources, crafted to maintain factual accuracy while incorporating elements of satire. Individuals or entities mentioned in our articles are encouraged to notify us of any inaccuracies that may require rectification. Readers are advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Dutch Government Reluctantly Flicks On Groningen’s ‘Pilot Light’ Amid Chilly Weather

This backtrack comes after they boldly declared they would end Groningen’s production last October, winding it down over the years because of the pesky earthquakes. But now, they’re exercising their ‘just in case’ option, like someone keeping an ex’s number ‘just for emergencies.’

Posted by John Donovan 10 Jan 24

In a move that screams ‘last resort,’ the Dutch government, like a reluctant parent turning on the night light for a scared child, has decided to fire up the ‘pilot light’ at the Groningen gas field. This decision comes amidst the impending cold snap, reminding everyone that sometimes, even governments have to go back on their word.

NAM (Nederlandse Aardolie Maatschappij), the prodigal child of Shell and Exxon and operator of the Groningen gas field, has a bit of a shaky history, quite literally. This gas field is infamous for its earthquakes, which have been more than just a minor inconvenience for the locals. Picture this: a 3.6 magnitude earthquake back in 2012 near Huizinge, which residents felt more intensely than their morning coffee. No wonder the Dutch cabinet, in a moment of environmental awakening, announced the field’s closure in 2018. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Scores a Courtroom Encore in Nigeria After Alleged Environmental Ode to the Niger Delta

Posted by John Donovan: 5 Jan 24

In a twist befitting a legal drama, Nigeria’s Supreme Court, with all the suspense of a season finale cliffhanger, ruled that Shell – the oil giant with a knack for environmental escapades – should get another day in court over an alleged oil spill in the Niger Delta. This decision came hot on the heels of the Court of Appeal putting a pin in Shell’s asset sale party and insisting on a judgment claim payout before listening to Shell’s sob story. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Ponders Joining the Fossil Fuel Fiesta in the U.S.

Posted by John Donovan: 6 Jan 24

Wael Sawan, the CEO of Shell, a corporation worth a whopping $214 billion, seems to be eagerly warming the bench as he watches Exxon Mobil and Chevron have all the fun in the Permian, a hotspot for oil that’s as profitable as it is controversial. In 2024, Sawan faces a thrilling dilemma: let his U.S. rivals hog all the glory or jump back into the oil bonanza himself, turning his back on that pesky renewable energy trend.

Rewinding to 2021, when green pressures were all the rage, Sawan’s predecessor, Ben van Beurden, was coaxed into selling assets in the Permian. But fast forward to the present, where the Ukraine war has conveniently dampened Shell’s enthusiasm for reducing oil output. Sawan, playing it cool, has also slyly dropped most of those green targets, and guess what? Investors are loving it. Since Sawan took the helm in 2023, Shell’s stock has soared by 15%, leaving U.S. and European rivals eating its dust. Meanwhile, BP, which took the high road away from oil, is barely keeping pace amid its CEO-hunting saga. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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