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What just happened (and why Shell’s grinning)

Nigeria’s oil regulator has approved a $510 million deal for TotalEnergies to sell its entire 12.5% stake in OML 118 (home of the Bonga deep-water field) to Shell and Agip. Total will offload 10% to Shell for $408m and 2.5% to Agip for $102m. Result: Shell’s stake rises to 67.5%, doubling down on offshore Nigeria after dumping its messy onshore assets to Renaissance. The regulator’s exact words:

“SNEPco and NAE have demonstrated both technical and managerial competence to optimally contribute to the upstream operations in OML 118.” read more

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Shell Dumps $2.4 Billion Nigerian Assets, Doubles Down on Deepwater Destruction

Dec 19th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 19 Dec 2024

Well, isn’t this just rich. Shell Plc, the oily overlord of environmental devastation, has finally managed to offload $2.4 billion worth of Nigerian assets to Renaissance Group, after being given the go-ahead by Nigeria’s oil minister. You know, the same oil minister who, just two months ago, hit the brakes on Shell’s attempt to bail on its onshore and shallow-water operations in the Niger Delta. But apparently, a couple of months—and maybe a few “persuasive” conversations—were all it took for Shell to get the approval it needed. read more

Shell and Friends: Saving the World with $500 Million Pennies While Burning Billions in Fossil Fuels

Nov 18th, 2024

by admin.

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Posted by John Donovan: 18 Nov 2024

In a PR move so brazen it could make even the most hardened spin doctor blush, Shell has teamed up with BP, Equinor, and TotalEnergies to graciously save the planet. How? By throwing a measly $500 million at the world’s energy access crisis. Yes, the same Shell that rakes in tens of billions annually from the oil and gas driving this crisis. What’s next—Big Tobacco funding a fresh-air initiative?

But don’t let the numbers fool you! This isn’t about fixing the problem; it’s about making it look like they care while keeping the fossil fuel money printer on overdrive. And let’s not forget their investors—BlackRock and Vanguard—cheering from the sidelines, because nothing says “sustainable future” like profiting off planetary destruction.

The Energy Crisis: “Oops, Did We Do That?”

According to this noble announcement, 685 million people lack access to electricity, and 2.1 billion people can’t cook cleanly. Heartbreaking, right? But here’s the kicker: the fossil fuel majors, including our dear Shell, are complicit in keeping those numbers high by prioritizing extraction and profits over progress. Now, they’re pretending $500 million split four ways will make up for decades of systemic exploitation in the Global South. What’s that—$125 million each? That’s less than Wael Sawan’s next yacht. read more

Shell’s Latest Venture: Throwing Money at Abu Dhabi LNG Project to Maintain its Greedy Legacy

Jul 12th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan 12 July 2024

In the latest installment of “Shell’s Quest for Global Domination,” the European energy behemoth has inked a deal to invest in Abu Dhabi’s Ruwais liquefied natural-gas (LNG) project. Alongside equally virtuous partners BP, TotalEnergies, and Japan’s Mitsui, Shell is securing its place in the race to expand the UAE’s LNG production capacity.

Shell’s Slice of the Pie:

Shell proudly announced it would grab a 10% stake in the Ruwais project, matching the stakes of BP, TotalEnergies, and Mitsui. Not to be outdone, Shell will also buy a cool 1 million metric tons of LNG annually, while Mitsui will settle for a mere 600,000 tons. Details of the financial arrangements? Oh, those remain as opaque as ever. read more

Shell Seeks to Drill Holes in South Africa’s Oceans: Because Why Not?

Jul 9th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 9 July 2024

In today’s episode of “Shell’s Next Big Environmental Screw-Up,” the oil giant is seeking government permission to drill up to five offshore wells off the west coast of South Africa. That’s right, folks—because clearly, our oceans aren’t polluted enough, and the wildlife isn’t nearly as threatened as it could be.

Environmental Circus:

According to a draft scoping report from environmental consultancy SLR, Shell Offshore Upstream South Africa B.V. and its partners are eagerly awaiting the green light from the government to start wreaking havoc in the Northern Cape Ultra Deep Block (NCUD) in the Orange Basin. This region’s depths range from 2,500 to 3,200 meters—perfect for deep-sea drilling and even deeper levels of corporate irresponsibility. read more

Shell’s Bold New Plan: Running Away to the Land of Fossil Fuel Fanatics

Jun 20th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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No shit, Sherlock. Moving your headquarters across the Atlantic isn’t exactly like booking a vacation.

Posted by John Donovan: 20 June 2024

In the latest episode of “What the Actual F**k?”, Shell, that lovable giant known for its charming pollution and undying greed, is considering jumping ship to the good ol’ U.S. of A. Yes, you heard it right! Rigzone conducted some riveting interviews with analysts to get the scoop on this potential exodus. Spoiler alert: it’s all about money and less about saving the planet.

According to Patrick Rutty, the Director of Global Intelligence at Enverus, “It is a widely shared perception these days that there’s no better place to be a listed oil and gas company than America, owing largely to its relatively fossil fuel-friendly investors.” Well, duh. If you’re a company that thrives on drilling holes in the earth and spewing carbon, the U.S. is practically Disney World.

Rutty also spilt the beans that back in 2021, Royal Dutch Shell “shucked its first and middle names” and moved its tax residence from the Netherlands to the UK after a Dutch court called their carbon emissions plans lame. Apparently, London is now a “problematic” home too because of Brexit. Who would’ve guessed? read more

“Godfathers of Climate Chaos”: UN Chief Calls Out Shell and BP, Demands Global Ad Ban

Jun 5th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 5 June 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks. António Guterres, the UN Secretary-General, just dropped a bombshell that should make the fossil-fuel overlords squirm in their plush boardroom chairs. Shell and BP, among others, are now being labeled the “godfathers of climate chaos.” That’s right, the planet-wrecking tycoons might soon find themselves banned from advertising, much like those pesky tobacco companies.

In a scorching speech in New York, Guterres took no prisoners, calling out news and tech media for enabling “planetary destruction” by taking dirty oil money. “We are at climate crunch time,” he declared, unveiling terrifying new data from the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) showing we’re on the brink of surpassing 1.5C warming. The recent 12 months have already pushed the global temperature to a blistering 1.63C above pre-industrial levels. Fun times ahead! read more

TotalEnergies Execs Face Criminal Complaint for “Globocide,” But Don’t Hold Your Breath

May 30th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 30 May 2024

The big win so far was a 2021 Dutch court ruling that ordered Royal Dutch Shell to slash carbon emissions by 45% by 2030. Shell’s response? Pack up and move headquarters from the Netherlands to London and rebrand as Shell plc. Classic.

In a move that’s both dramatic and probably futile, three climate nonprofits and eight individuals have filed a criminal complaint in Paris against the board, CEO, and major shareholders of French oil behemoth TotalEnergies. They accuse these corporate overlords of engaging in criminal activities due to their “contribution to climate change and its fatal impact on human and non-human lives.” But, in a plot twist that surprises no one, prosecutors have yet to take any action, and formal criminal charges are about as likely as a snowstorm in the Sahara. read more

Shell and Total Plot Move to NYC: Because When You’re Desperate, Anything Sounds Like a Good Idea!

May 9th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 9 May 2024

Alright, folks, gather ’round for a classic tale of “The Grass is Greener in the U.S.,” starring none other than Shell and TotalEnergies, the European oil megastars. In their latest “poor us” saga, they’re eyeing New York like it’s the promised land of stock market valuations. Oh, the excitement!

Now, don’t get too teary-eyed, but Shell’s Chief Executive, Wael Sawan, dropped a little hint on his earnings call that if Europe keeps treating them like the ugly ducklings of the stock market, they might just take their ball and go play in New York by the end of 2025. TotalEnergies’ big boss, Patrick Pouyanné, isn’t sitting quietly either. He’s been tasked by the board to mull over this geographical leap of faith and spill the beans by September. read more

Shell and TotalEnergies Eye Greener Pastures: The Big Apple’s Stock Exchange

May 7th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 7 May 2024

Oh, the drama! TotalEnergies and Shell, those titans of the oil industry, are having a little daydream about moving their stock listings to the flashy stages of Wall Street. Why, you ask? Their current market valuations are as deflated as a punctured oil barrel. Boo-hoo.

In a tragic tale of European neglect and American allure, these two energy behemoths are feeling undervalued back home—kind of like ageing movie stars pining for one last blockbuster. TotalEnergies, the belle of France, is so distraught that even Patrick Pouyanné, the CEO, is openly mulling over a move. He confessed in an earnings call, “There was a discussion with the board.” Yes, folks, they’re “seriously looking at it” because, let’s face it, America is where the big-money parties are. read more

Shell to Investors: Screw Climate, We’re Too Busy Making Money

Apr 17th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 17 April 2024

In what seems like a page ripped straight out of the corporate greed playbook, Shell is playing hardball with its shareholders over climate targets. Buckle up, folks, because this one’s a doozy.

So, there’s this resolution, right? A bunch of investors, with pockets so deep they practically touch the Earth’s core, want Shell to tighten its grip on climate goals. But what does Shell do? They tell their shareholders, “Nah, we’re good.” read more

Oil Giants’ Climate Targets Go Up in Smoke

Mar 30th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Another day, another dose of corporate greed and environmental destruction. Will these oil giants ever learn? Or will they continue to put profits over the planet?

Posted by John Donovan 30 March 2024

Brace yourselves for another round of corporate shenanigans, this time starring none other than Shell, the world’s second-largest oil and gas company. In a move that surprises absolutely no one except maybe the most optimistic tree-hugger, Shell has decided to scale back its climate pledges. Saving the planet is just too darn risky for these fossil fuel titans.

Shell’s chief executive, Wael Sawan, voiced his concerns to Reuters, declaring it “perilous” to set emission reduction targets for 2035 due to the “uncertainty” in the energy transition trajectory. Translation: We’re not sure if we want to stop destroying the planet just yet, folks. read more

Shell and Co.’s Latest Scheme: Dumping CO2 in Southeast Asia, Because Why the Hell Not?

Mar 28th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it looks like the oil giants have come up with a brilliant new plan to tackle climate change: burying massive amounts of CO2 deep underground in Southeast Asia. Yes, you heard that right. After decades of gleefully pumping carbon into the atmosphere like there’s no tomorrow, Exxon, Shell, Chevron, and their merry band of polluters have suddenly had a change of heart—or more likely, a change of profit margins.

You see, carbon dioxide storage is the latest cash cow for these fossil fuel fiends, promising them billions in revenue while they continue to wreak havoc on our planet. And where better to dump their toxic waste than in countries like Indonesia and Malaysia, where regulations are lax and profits are high?

Exxon Mobil’s CEO Darren Woods is practically giddy at the prospect, boasting about securing “exclusive rights to CO2 storage” in these unsuspecting nations. Nothing says “saving the planet” like monopolizing the substance driving us towards environmental catastrophe. read more

Shell and Friends’ Climate Change Lies: Another Lawsuit Calls Out Big Oil’s Deception

Mar 27th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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“These companies have known since at least the 1950s that their ways of doing business were having calamitous effects on our planet, and rather than change what they were doing or raise the alarm, they lied to all of us.”

Posted by John Donovan 27 March 2024

In a move that surprises exactly no one who’s been paying attention to the planet literally burning, Bucks County, nestled in suburban Philadelphia, has taken a bold step in joining the chorus of voices suing Big Oil for their epic saga of deception regarding climate change.

Bucks County, in its lawsuit against a handful of oil behemoths, points fingers at these corporate giants for a litany of sins, including but not limited to, more storms than a Shakespearean tragedy, flooding that would make Noah blush, and heat waves that would melt the polar ice caps faster than you can say “polar bear.” Oh, and let’s not forget the casualties—like the seven unfortunate souls who met their watery demise in a flash flood last summer, courtesy of climate change’s MVPs: oil companies. read more

Oil Giants in Panic Mode: Payout Promises Up in Smoke as Prices Plummet

Mar 24th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

Well, well, well, it looks like the bigwigs in the oil industry are having a bit of a “Oh shit, what now?” moment as oil prices take a nosedive. In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except maybe every economist ever), Brent crude decided to plummet a whopping 24% in a single day, leaving oil executives scratching their heads and frantically revising their plans to return billions to investors.

It seems the recent oil price rollercoaster was triggered by Russia saying “nyet” to an OPEC agreement to cut output. And just like that, the oil market went from “steady sailing” to “full-blown panic mode” faster than you can say “fossil fuels are so last century.”

Now, in a desperate attempt to keep investors from jumping ship, oil companies are scrambling to reassess their spending plans. But let’s be real here, folks—when your primary source of income is as volatile as a teenager’s mood swings, you’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road. read more

Dutch Pension Fund Dumps Oil Stocks, including Shell, Like Hot Potatoes

Feb 8th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Even the Church of England Pensions Board, known more for its hymns than its hardline stance on hydrocarbons, had already ghosted Shell over its “climate stance” last year.

Posted by John Donovan: 8 Feb 24

In a move that’s as shocking as finding out water is wet, a Dutch pension fund, PFZW, has finally decided that maybe, just maybe, holding onto stocks in oil and gas behemoths like Shell, BP, and TotalEnergies isn’t the greenest idea they’ve had. So, they’ve ditched their shares in 310 oil and gas companies, a divestment spree worth around €2.8 billion, because – surprise! – these companies are about as speedy as a snail on sedatives when it comes to cutting emissions. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

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What just happened (and why Shell’s grinning)

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No shit, Sherlock. Moving your headquarters across the Atlantic isn’t exactly like booking a vacation.

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Posted by John Donovan: 5 June 2024

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Posted by John Donovan: 30 May 2024

The big win so far was a 2021 Dutch court ruling that ordered Royal Dutch Shell to slash carbon emissions by 45% by 2030. Shell’s response? Pack up and move headquarters from the Netherlands to London and rebrand as Shell plc. Classic.

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Posted by John Donovan: 9 May 2024

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Another day, another dose of corporate greed and environmental destruction. Will these oil giants ever learn? Or will they continue to put profits over the planet?

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Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

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“These companies have known since at least the 1950s that their ways of doing business were having calamitous effects on our planet, and rather than change what they were doing or raise the alarm, they lied to all of us.”

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Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

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Even the Church of England Pensions Board, known more for its hymns than its hardline stance on hydrocarbons, had already ghosted Shell over its “climate stance” last year.

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