Shell and Co.’s Latest Scheme: Dumping CO2 in Southeast Asia, Because Why the Hell Not?

Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it looks like the oil giants have come up with a brilliant new plan to tackle climate change: burying massive amounts of CO2 deep underground in Southeast Asia. Yes, you heard that right. After decades of gleefully pumping carbon into the atmosphere like there’s no tomorrow, Exxon, Shell, Chevron, and their merry band of polluters have suddenly had a change of heart—or more likely, a change of profit margins.

You see, carbon dioxide storage is the latest cash cow for these fossil fuel fiends, promising them billions in revenue while they continue to wreak havoc on our planet. And where better to dump their toxic waste than in countries like Indonesia and Malaysia, where regulations are lax and profits are high?

Exxon Mobil’s CEO Darren Woods is practically giddy at the prospect, boasting about securing “exclusive rights to CO2 storage” in these unsuspecting nations. Nothing says “saving the planet” like monopolizing the substance driving us towards environmental catastrophe.

But fear not, concerned citizens, for the oil giants assure us that this is all part of their master plan to combat climate change. According to them, burying CO2 underground is the solution to our woes, conveniently ignoring the fact that it’s their reckless pursuit of profit that got us into this mess in the first place.

And as if that weren’t enough, they’re even angling for government subsidies to make their little scheme even more profitable. Because why bother with pesky things like ethics and morality when there are profits to be made?

Of course, there are a few minor hiccups along the way. Like the fact that there’s a huge gap between the amount of CO2 that needs to be buried and the storage space available. Or the inconvenient truth that carbon capture and storage projects are struggling to get off the ground, with some of the biggest attempts failing.

Who needs facts and logic when you’ve got billions of dollars on the line? The oil giants are betting big on this latest gamble, hoping to cash in on our planet’s demise while pretending to be saviours of the environment.

So here’s to you, Exxon, Shell, Chevron, and TotalEnergies. Congratulations on finding yet another way to profit off of our suffering. We can only hope that one day, karma catches up with you and your greed knows no bounds. Until then, we’ll be watching, waiting, and shaking our heads in disbelief at the audacity of it all.