What do you get when you cross two oil giants with a fondness for dictatorship-era espionage, apartheid-era diplomacy, and fireballs of carcinogens? You get Shell and BP: the dynamic duo of destruction, the real masters of global transition—transitioning the planet from livable to cooked, one explosive scandal at a time.
Let’s begin with , Britain’s teetering national oil champion, desperately trying to cling to its “independence” like a CEO clings to a bonus while oil rigs burn. With shares down 22% over the last year, BP is now more of a discount bin than a blue-chip. The vultures are circling—US oil giants and even Shell (because nothing says “rescue” like handing the keys to another moral sinkhole).