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Oil Company Profits

Shell to Investors: Screw Climate, We’re Too Busy Making Money

Posted by John Donovan: 17 April 2024

In what seems like a page ripped straight out of the corporate greed playbook, Shell is playing hardball with its shareholders over climate targets. Buckle up, folks, because this one’s a doozy.

So, there’s this resolution, right? A bunch of investors, with pockets so deep they practically touch the Earth’s core, want Shell to tighten its grip on climate goals. But what does Shell do? They tell their shareholders, “Nah, we’re good.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Exodus: A “What the F@#k” Moment for the Stock Market

Posted by John Donovan: 13 April 2024

In a plot twist that could make even the most seasoned investor double-take, Shell is threatening to ditch the London Stock Exchange faster than you can say “oil spill cleanup.”

Wael Sawan, the head honcho at Shell, has been dropping hints for a while now. First, it was his enchanting trip to the New York Stock Exchange, where they rolled out the red carpet and even flew the Shell flag. Now, he’s openly grumbling about London’s undervaluation of Shell’s shares compared to its Yankee rivals. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Threatens London Stock Exchange

Posted by John Donovan: 10 April 2024

In a move that has the London Stock Exchange quaking in its trading boots, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan has dropped a bombshell threat: Shape up or we ship out to the Big Apple!

Sawan, not one to mince his words, has warned that if London’s stock market continues to undervalue Shell, they’re packing their bags and heading Stateside faster than you can say “oil spill.” 

Despite enjoying the swanky lifestyle in London, Sawan’s loyalty to the UK is about as solid as a house of cards in a hurricane. With dual Lebanese and Canadian citizenship, he’s got one foot out the door already. He’s sick and tired of London investors treating Shell like yesterday’s news while simultaneously picking their pockets clean with hefty taxes. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Ex-Shell Bigwig Fuels Fears of London Exodus

Posted by John Donovan 9 April 2024

In a move with the City of London quaking in its well-polished brogues, former Shell honcho Ben van Beurden has sounded the alarm bells, warning that the company’s valuation in London compared to the Big Apple is a “major issue.”

Speaking from the Financial Times Global Commodity Summit in Switzerland, van Beurden lamented that Shell, the heavyweight champ of the London Stock Exchange (LSE) with a market cap of £118 billion, is being shamelessly undervalued. Cue the tiny violins! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Boss Bags £8m: “Let Them Eat Carbon Intensity Reductions”

Posted by John Donovan 8 April 2024

In a move that has charity workers choking on their avocado toast, Shell’s new top dog, Wael Sawan, has snagged a staggering £8 million in his first year at the helm, leaving many wondering if he’s moonlighting as a magician pulling money out of thin air.

While most folks are counting pennies at the pump, Sawan is raking in the cash like it’s going out of style, leaving pressure groups frothing at the mouth faster than you can say “climate crisis.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Exodus Threatens UK’s Stock Market Status Quo

Posted by John Donovan: 8 April 2024

In a move that screams “Sayonara, London,” Shell is eyeing an escape to New York, leaving the UK stock market reeling and investors scratching their heads.

Wael Sawan, Shell’s big cheese, dropped the bombshell, hinting at the company’s dissatisfaction with its London listing. “I have a location that clearly seems to be undervalued,” he lamented, painting a picture of a company unappreciated and unloved.

But why the sudden urge to swap tea for coffee? Well, it seems Shell is tired of playing second fiddle to its American counterparts. With Exxon Mobil and Chevron strutting their stuff on Wall Street, Shell feels like the neglected stepchild stuck in dreary old London. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Corporate Doublespeak: “Sorry, But We Can’t Save the Planet if You Can’t Pay Your Energy Bill!”

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a bizarre turn of events that left many scratching their heads in disbelief, Shell has taken to the courts to argue that saving the planet might just be a tad too expensive. Because who needs clean air and a livable future when you can have cheap gas and record profits, am I right?

As a crucial climate case unfolded in The Hague, lawyers for Shell PLC pulled out all the stops with their jaw-dropping argument: If ordinary citizens can’t afford their energy bills, then forget about saving the planet. Because apparently, the only thing standing between us and climate catastrophe is the price of a monthly utility bill.

In what can only be described as a masterclass in corporate doublespeak, Shell’s lawyer, Daan Lunsingh Scheurleer, solemnly declared in court: “If people can no longer pay for their energy or that energy is no longer reliable… the support of people in the country… for the energy transition will be lost.” Translation: Sorry, folks, but saving the planet is just too damn expensive. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Oil’s Climate Goals: A Masterclass in Greenwashing or Just a Load of Bull?

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a move that could only be described as “bold,” Shell Oil has graciously gifted the world with its latest climate strategy, dubbed the “Shell Energy Transition Strategy 2024.” Oh, how we’ve been eagerly awaiting this gem from the fine folks who brought you oil spills and environmental devastation!

According to this masterpiece of corporate spin, Shell has decided to make a few tweaks to its climate goals. You know, nothing major. Just a slight downgrade of its 2030 target from a 20% reduction in net carbon intensity to a dazzling 15-20%. And who needs a target for 2035 anyway? Certainly not a titan of the fossil fuel industry like Shell. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Greenpeace Lawsuit Mocked by Celebrities: “Seriously, Shell? What the Hell?”

Moreover, the letter condemns Shell’s recent strategic shift back toward increasing oil and gas production, deriding it as a profit-driven move that spells disaster for the planet.

Posted by John Donovan 1st April 2024

In a scathing open letter, a coalition of Hollywood A-listers led by Emma Thompson, Stephen Fry, and Benedict Cumberbatch have slammed Shell for its “callous and vindictive” legal crusade against Greenpeace. The letter, signed by a slew of prominent figures including Greta Thunberg and supported by environmental groups like Extinction Rebellion, lambasts Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan for orchestrating “one of the biggest attacks on Greenpeace’s right to protest in the organisation’s 53-year history.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Climate Targets: A Masterclass in Greenwashing and Greed

Shell’s priorities are crystal clear: profits over people, greed over green.

Posted by John Donovan 28 March 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks, because it seems like Shell’s climate targets just got a facelift—and boy, is it a sight to behold. In a move that can only be described as a slap in the face to environmental progress, the UK’s favourite oil and gas giant has decided to water down its commitments to cutting carbon emissions, all while maintaining its oh-so-noble pledge for net zero by 2050. How commendable!

In a stunning display of corporate doublespeak, Shell revealed its latest energy transition update, proudly announcing that it had diluted key climate targets, including the ever-so-crucial “net carbon intensity.” Because why bother actually reducing emissions when you can just tweak the numbers to make it look like you’re doing something, am I right? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Laments: “How Dare You Sue Us for Ruining the Planet!”

That’s right, folks—while the rest of the world is desperately trying to curb emissions, Shell is busy backpedaling on its promises faster than you can say “hypocrisy.”

Posted 24 March 2024 by John Donovan

In a jaw-dropping display of corporate entitlement, Frans Everts, the CEO of Shell Netherlands, took to the airwaves to bemoan the audacity of environmental organizations daring to sue companies like Shell. Because clearly, holding polluting behemoths accountable for their role in climate catastrophe is just plain unfair, right?

In a riveting performance on TV program WNL Op Zondag, Everts cried foul, claiming that climate lawsuits were nothing short of economic sabotage. “It does not solve the problems,” he lamented, conveniently forgetting that maybe—just maybe—stopping the relentless pollution might actually, you know, solve a few problems. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil Plays Pretend: Phasing Out Fossil Fuels Deemed ‘Fantasy’ Amid Record Profits

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate doublethink, oil moguls gathered in Houston, casually shrugging off any pretence of urgency in the face of the climate crisis. Despite John F. Kerry’s victory lap at the U.N. Climate Change Conference in Dubai, declaring a monumental shift away from fossil fuels, the lords of oil in Houston had a hearty laugh. “Missed the memo, John,” they seemed to say, before diving into their Scrooge McDuck-style money vaults. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s New Strategy: ‘Net Zero Schmet Zero,’ Because Who Needs the Planet When You’ve Got Profits?

As green activists and the Church of England Pensions Board wag their fingers in disapproval, Shell seems ready to sprint in the opposite direction of net zero, all the while shouting, “Catch us if you can!” Because in the end, who needs a habitable planet when you’ve got fat dividends, right?

Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024

In an almost admirable display of environmental indifference, Shell Plc is flirting with the idea of putting the brakes on its already glacial pace of carbon emissions cuts. This bombshell, which is about as surprising as finding out politicians lie, comes straight from the horse’s mouth—or rather, people whispering secrets because this info is hotter than the planet we’re roasting.

Set your calendars for Thursday, folks, because Shell is about to drop its latest masterpiece in corporate doublespeak, disguised as an update to its long-term clean energy and emissions plan. The grand architect behind this slow-motion environmental train wreck? None other than CEO Wael Sawan, who seems to believe the best way to warm shareholders’ hearts (and the Earth, coincidentally) is by pumping more money into oil and gas. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Former Big Cheese Bags £95m

In an astounding turn of events that shocked no one, Shell’s ex-bigwig, Ben van Beurden (left), managed to stuff his pockets with an extra £8.9 million last year, elevating his total take from the oil giant to a modest £95 million. Who said being an eco-villain doesn’t pay well?

In a spectacle of financial gymnastics that would make even Scrooge McDuck blush, a hefty long-term bonus and a golden parachute (sorry, “severance award”) ensured that van Beurden out-earned his successor, Wael Sawan, who had to scrape by on a mere £7.9 million. One can only imagine the penny-pinching at the Sawan household.

Before passing the torch (or should we say oil lamp?) to Sawan, van Beurden amassed a fortune of £86 million, proving that oil really does grease the wheels of personal fortune. Not content with just riding off into the sunset, van Beurden stuck around as an “adviser” for six months, during which he pocketed a £5.1 million long-term bonus and a £1.4 million consolation prize for “loss of office.” Because, clearly, losing an office that pays you in millions is a loss worth compensating. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Profit Party: Dancing on Oil Barrels While the World Burns

Posted by John Donovan: 6 Mar 24

Oh, what a day to be alive! Shell, our favourite environmental villain, just threw its quarterly earnings bash, and guess what? Profits are through the ozone layer, folks! Up a whopping 42 percent to the highest in over three years, all thanks to those ever-so-gentle oil price hikes and squeezing more out of the earth like it’s an old toothpaste tube. But, hold your gasps, because the plot thickens—or should we say, the oil slickens? Despite bathing in cash, Shell somehow managed to disappoint the world yet again with its cash flow not living up to the high expectations. Who could’ve guessed? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Big Oil Plays Fairy Godmother to Environmental NGOs: A Twisted Tale of Greenwashing

Posted by John Donovan: 4 March 24

In the most bewildering plot twist since Darth Vader declared paternity, it turns out the big, bad oil giants are the puppeteers of some of our favourite environmental guardians. That’s right, folks! Royal Dutch Shell, the fairy godmother of the environmental realm, waved its magic wand (or, more accurately, its hefty chequebook) and helped birth the World Wildlife Fund International. And just when you thought this fairy tale couldn’t get any weirder, Shell’s former president, John Loudon, moonlighted as the WWF’s president for a spell, bringing a whole new meaning to “keeping it in the family.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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