Posted by John Donovan: 20 Sept 2023

In an act of sheer defiance against the profit-hungry giants of the energy world, the Diocese of Salford, a beacon of moral authority, has decided to part ways with its investments in BP and Shell. Why, you ask? Well, they argue that these corporations have been just a tad too focused on making money and not quite passionate enough about saving the planet. How dare they prioritize profits over Mother Earth?

In a statement that surely had the fossil fuel titans quaking in their boots, the diocese proclaimed that BP and Shell had lost their way on the path to decarbonization. Apparently, these companies are no longer “ambitious enough” in their efforts to reduce their carbon footprint and transition to a more sustainable future. The audacity! read more

Los Angeles Times

Sept 18, 2023

California is no stranger to fighting climate change with legal battles. But late last week, state officials announced a truly heavyweight match.

Atty. Gen. Rob Bonta has filed a lawsuit against five major oil companies and their trade association, alleging their involvement in “a decades-long campaign of deception and creating statewide climate change-related harms in California.”

Bonta said Exxon Mobil, Shell, Chevron, ConocoPhillips and BP — along with the American Petroleum Institute (API) — have long known “that the burning of fossil fuels leads to climate change — but have fed us lies and mistruths to further their record-breaking profits at the expense of our environment.” read more

Posted by John Donovan 17 Sept 2023

In an act of sheer audacity, the great state of California has decided to sue some of the world’s most beloved oil and gas companies, including Exxon Mobil, Shell, Chevron, ConocoPhillips, and BP. Their audacious claim? That these companies misled the public and downplayed the teeny-tiny risks associated with fossil fuels. How dare they suggest such a thing?

This civil lawsuit, filed with a flourish in state Superior Court in San Francisco, has a unique twist: it’s not just about exposing the so-called “deceptions” of Big Oil. No, California wants a fund, and it wants the very companies it’s suing to finance it. This fund will serve as a sort of “Oops, our bad” account for when those pesky storms and fires wreak havoc. After all, it’s only fair that the companies causing climate change also foot the bill for its consequences, right? read more

Posted by John Donovan 17 Sept 2023

In a revelation that’s sure to win hearts worldwide, the president of Shell Canada, Susannah Pierce, has imparted her wisdom on the intricacies of decarbonization. According to Pierce, oil and gas companies, those paragons of environmental stewardship, are merely at the mercy of global energy trends. How refreshing!

Pierce, with an air of condescension that only a seasoned executive can muster, graciously acknowledged that while oil and gas firms should make token efforts to reduce emissions, they’re practically stuck in slow motion, like a snail in a race of sloths. Why? Because, dear readers, the rest of the world just can’t seem to keep up with the brilliant minds in the fossil fuel industry. read more

Posted by John Donovan 31 August 2023

Well, aren’t we in for a treat!

It seems the world’s most environmentally-conscious buddies, our friendly neighbourhood oil giants like BP, Chevron, ExxonMobil, Shell, and TotalEnergies, are diving deep into the influencer market. Because when you think “innovation in renewable energy,” you naturally think: “Instagram and TikTok!”

AFP has sniffed out a trend where icons of video game walkthroughs, doggo videos, and #VacationGoals are suddenly pivoting to plug gas stations and fuel rewards cards. Because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want a behind-the-scenes look at your favourite influencer’s exhilarating journey to the pump? read more

Posted by John Donovan 26 August 2023

Hats off to Shell and BP for being so forward-thinking! The oil giants, alongside 10 other European companies, have been examined under Greenpeace’s microscope and—wait for it—have been accused of greenwashing. 

According to the analysis, Shell and BP have gone above and beyond, generating a whopping 0.02% and 0.17% of energy from renewable sources in 2022. And to think, some people say they’re not committed to the environment.

When it comes to investments in the utopian green future, BP’s heart really swelled as it allocated a generous 97% of its investments towards fossil fuels. Shell, not to be outdone, threw 91% of its chips into the fossil fuel basket too. What do you expect? Good intentions need to be bankrolled, right?

Kuba Gogolewski from Greenpeace summed it up best: “Their already inadequate decarbonization plans are an empty shell; instead of providing desperately needed clean energy, they feed us greenwashing garbage.” Ah, music to the ears of anyone who’s tired of corporate fairytales! read more

… let’s all give a sarcastic round of applause for Shell as it maybe, possibly, considers doing something that looks slightly less damaging to the planet. We can’t wait to see how this strategic reconsideration unfolds.

Posted 26 August by John Donovan

Oh, how times have changed! Shell, the ever-visionary captain of industry (and pollution), is contemplating selling off its oh-so-sustainable refining and chemical assets in Singapore.

“Our strategic review is ongoing and we are exploring several options including divestment,” dutifully mouthed a Shell spokesperson in an email that probably took ages to compose for its utter profundity. Are they finally seeing the green light, or is it just the glare from their offshore oil rigs? read more

Posted by John Donovan 25 August 2023

Ah, fear not! Octopus Energy is gallantly considering adopting Shell’s forsaken household energy customers. Because, let’s face it, Shell’s been a bit preoccupied digging up the Earth and contributing to climate change to be bothered with something as mundane as “sustainable energy.”

The word on the street is that Octopus Energy is in “advanced discussions” to absorb Shell Energy’s sprawling family of 1.4 million residential energy users. Well, someone has to look after them now that Shell decided to sell off its UK energy retail business earlier this year. I mean, come on, fossil fuel drilling isn’t going to fund itself!

Octopus Energy is the “prime contender” for this “strategic” acquisition. Gosh, acquiring customers from a company renowned for its eco-consciousness (insert eye-roll here) like Shell? That should be considered a badge of honour! read more

Posted by John Donovan August 12, 2023

In a truly heartwarming display of compassion, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has taken a bold stance to protect the future of children. With unwavering dedication, Sawan defended the ongoing production of oil and gas, reminding us all that sacrificing a habitable planet is a small price to pay for children’s access to abundant hydrocarbons.

Sawan, the CEO of just under a year, has deftly steered Shell back to its roots, emphasizing its “ruthless” commitment to maximizing profits while minimizing any pesky environmental concerns. The slight detour towards renewables was only a momentary lapse, as evidenced by the departure of Thomas Brostrom, who foolishly entertained the idea of a greener energy future. Clearly, Sawan understands that the only way forward is through a haze of fossil fuels. read more

Let’s celebrate Shell’s exceptional eco-destruction and eagerly anticipate the next chapter in their mesmerizing journey toward a more polluted world. In the grand tapestry of Shell’s environmental exploits, this move shines as a beacon of unparalleled audacity. 

Posted by John Donovan August 12, 2023

Aberdeen, a city renowned for its beautiful granite architecture and oil riches, has been gifted with another masterpiece – Shell’s plan to knock down its former headquarters. This daring move is set to unleash a “vast amount of carbon emissions into the atmosphere,” showcasing Shell’s exceptional commitment to environmental preservation.

Shell, that beacon of sustainable practices, had graced Aberdeen with a modernist headquarters for five glorious decades before deciding to relocate last year. But wait, what’s even more thrilling than a stunning headquarters? Demolishing it! Shell’s brilliant strategy to demolish rather than upgrade and repurpose the building has sparked a delightful controversy. read more

Posted by John Donovan August 7, 2023

In a groundbreaking display of environmental commitment, Barclays is championing sustainability while funding the beloved oil giant, Shell. The masterful manipulation of “sustainable finance” initiatives has allowed Barclays to classify a $10 billion revolving credit facility for Shell as “social and environmental financing” – truly an awe-inspiring feat in the world of greenwashing.

But wait, it gets better! Barclays ingeniously counts its share of the loan towards achieving its $150 billion social and environmental financing target. Who knew that aiding a polluting behemoth could be such a philanthropic endeavour? read more

Isn’t it remarkable how Shell’s PR machine can turn their environmental destruction into a heartwarming success story?

Posted by JOHN DONOVAN August 1, 2023

Shell, the benevolent oil giant known for its selfless dedication to the environment (wink, wink), is back with its heartwarming PR campaign – “The Giving Pump.” Get ready to fuel up your cars and your conscience simultaneously as Shell graciously lets you “give back” while they keep on taking from the planet.

Oh, what a delightful initiative! Starting today until September 30, you can be a part of Shell’s “Force For Good” (a phrase that couldn’t be more ironic) and support local children’s charities. All you have to do is use the designated pump at select Shell stations, and voilà, you’re a hero! Don’t worry; participating in this magnanimous act won’t cost you anything extra – Shell has got it all figured out.

With colorful signage to tug at your heartstrings, the specially marked “Giving Pumps” are strategically placed at over 7,500 US gas stations nationwide. It’s almost like they want to make sure you don’t miss the chance to feel good about yourself while you fill up your tank with their precious fossil fuels. read more

POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN: JULY 24, 2023

In a thrilling legal drama, environmental law charity ClientEarth has tried its best to rain on Shell’s parade over its climate strategy. But alas, the high court in London has refused to allow the fun to continue.

How disappointing! We were all looking forward to the grand spectacle of Shell’s directors being held accountable for their so-called “duties” to shareholders.

ClientEarth, with its whopping 27 shares in Shell, had the audacity to argue that the energy giant’s current climate transition strategy is nothing more than a mere fantasy. They claim that Shell’s aim of achieving net zero carbon emissions by 2050 is just a fairy tale. Oh, ClientEarth, why can’t you see the magic in Shell’s grand plans? read more

POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN: July 24, 2023

Bravo, Shell! Your daredevil attitude towards safety is truly awe-inspiring.

Summary: Oh, isn’t it delightful to hear about Shell’s latest adventures in offshore safety? The audacious oil and gas giant, Shell, has yet again dazzled us with its impressive handling of workplace risk at the Prelude offshore LNG platform in Australia. Who needs safety standards, right? It’s much more thrilling to expose workers to the exhilarating possibility of fire or explosion! 

Article: Prepare to be amazed by Shell’s thrilling antics at the Prelude offshore LNG platform in Australia! In a daring display of audacity, Shell has managed to expose its workers to the exhilarating risk of fire and explosion. read more

Posted by JOHN DONOVAN July 23, 2023

Shell, the master of deceptive marketing, is once again under fire for misleading the public with its phony environmental claims. The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has caught Shell red-handed, exposing the company’s attempts to portray itself as an eco-friendly hero while continuing its ruthless polluting practices.

From hiding the true nature of its loyalty scheme to exaggerating the impact of its renewable energy initiatives, Shell’s greenwashing tactics know no bounds. As public concern for the environment grows, the ASA takes a stricter approach, and it’s about time Shell faces the consequences of its blatant deception.

In yet another display of its deceptive marketing prowess, Shell has been caught in the act once again by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) for its misleading environmental claims. This time, the oil giant attempted to paint itself as a champion of sustainability while continuing to wreak havoc on the planet with its polluting operations. read more

Greenpeace Demands Climate Accountability: Shell seems unfazed, pouring billions into the pockets of shareholders while the world burns.

POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN JULY 22, 2023

Shell, the unapologetic polluting behemoth, is set to announce yet another round of astronomical profits, thanks to its reckless exploitation of oil and gas. With profits soaring to billions, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, shamelessly dismisses environmental concerns and slashes green targets. Meanwhile, the world experiences catastrophic climate events, from scorching heatwaves to devastating floods. Greenpeace demands that Shell takes responsibility for the climate havoc it has caused and pays into the Loss and Damage fund, rather than pouring billions into shareholders’ pockets. read more