Shell and ExxonMobil Throw Tantrum Over Dutch Gas Field Closure

Shell and ExxonMobil Throw Tantrum Over Dutch Gas Field Closure, Because Destroying Homes and Causing Earthquakes Just Isn’t Profitable Enough

In the latest episode of “Oil Giants Throw a Fit,” Shell and ExxonMobil, ever the champions of corporate compassion, are up in arms about—wait for it—the Dutch government having the audacity to shut down the gas field that’s been wrecking homes and sparking earthquakes. Yes, the Nederlandse Aardolie Maatschappij (NAM), the dynamic duo’s beloved 50/50 joint venture, is finally winding down after a humble 60 years of profiting from the Groningen gas field, the literal ground zero of Dutch seismic misery. And now, these poor multi-billion-dollar corporations are crying foul because they won’t be able to squeeze out every last drop of profit before their time is up.

But don’t think for a second they’re leaving quietly. ExxonMobil’s subsidiary, ExxonMobil Petroleum & Chemical, has decided to sue the Dutch government because when you’re used to being a global polluter, contracts and basic human decency get in the way of making that sweet, sweet cash. They’re mad the Dutch decided to shut down the gas field a little earlier than expected—because what’s a few more earthquakes and home destructions between friends? After all, Shell and Exxon have been making billions from Groningen for decades, and if you thought they’d let a little thing like public safety get in the way of profits, think again.

The Groningen gas field has been a literal disaster, with earthquakes linked to gas extraction destroying homes and leaving residents with barely any compensation. And now, the Dutch government, gasp, actually wants to stop gas production from the field. Shell, with the sensitivity of a sledgehammer, reassured the world they totally understand the plight of the people of Groningen—but, oh, they’re just not quite done milking the ground dry yet.

As if the world needed more proof that oil giants don’t care about anything but their bottom line, ExxonMobil has dragged the Netherlands to court under the Energy Charter Treaty (ECT), whining that the early closure is costing them too much money. Lost profits—what a tragedy! Meanwhile, the people of Groningen are still waiting for Shell and Exxon to pay for the damage caused by their earthquake-triggering activities.

Let’s not forget that BlackRock, one of Shell’s biggest investors and an absolute beacon of moral responsibility (snicker), is surely watching from the sidelines, rooting for their heroes to extract every last euro they can from the trembling ruins of Groningen. Nothing says “environmental and social responsibility” like prioritizing your profit margins over the homes of thousands.

Shell and Exxon, having pocketed billions from Groningen’s gas production, now demand a binding judgment from independent arbitrators, because—get this—they want to make sure they get properly compensated for their ‘losses.’ What’s a few more billion between oil barons, right? After all, they’ve only made €23 billion from the field while investing a pitiful €26 billion in the Dutch energy sector over the past four decades. Cue the violins!

So, there you have it. Shell and ExxonMobil, two of the planet’s most notoriously ruthless companies, are once again proving they’ll do anything to keep the cash flowing, even if it means suing entire governments for daring to value human lives over fossil fuel profits. But don’t worry, they assure us all this will help “create more clarity” around energy security. Because who needs stable homes when you can have more gas?

As ExxonMobil’s lawsuit simmers and Shell strokes its giant pile of dirty money, the people of Groningen are left to wonder when—if ever—the earthquakes will stop and their homes will be safe. At least Shell and ExxonMobil will get their day in court. Isn’t corporate justice grand?

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