TOUCH F*** ALL

Comments are off for this post

A satirical summary by Claude of John Donovan’s book “Toxic Facts About Shell Removed From Wikipedia. Image by ChatGPT.

The Wikipedia Problem, or: How a Global Oil Giant Developed an Allergy to Facts

In what is surely the most surprising development in the history of the internet — a company with $35 billion in annual profits was apparently terrified of a retired marketing man and his elderly father living in Colchester, Essex — John Donovan opens this cheerful tour of corporate malfeasance by explaining that Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia anyone can edit, has been systematically “cleansed” of accurate, sourced, verifiable information about Royal Dutch Shell. Shell employees, it transpires, were caught editing Wikipedia articles from Shell offices. The company, naturally, claimed to have been completely unaware that the people it employed were doing this. One must admire the logic: when you have tens of thousands of employees, it is simply impossible to know what any of them are up to. read more

^*This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan - more information here. There is also a Wikipedia segment, the Shell DPA Files, "Shell and the Spies", the Shell Leaks files, as well as books written and published by John Donovan - Kindle eBooks. Timeline of the Donovan Shell Feud. Toxic History of Royal Dutch Shell Group. Shell and the Donovans: The Full Media Record — 550+ Articles, 110 Books, 40 Years. ^*All created and supported by internet wizz, Nick Gill.

Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

Jan 17th, 2026

by John Donovan.

Comments are off for this post

Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

UPDATED 18 JAN 2026 WITH ILLUMINATING REPLIES FROM A NUMBER OF AI PLATFORMS

This article presents a structured question put to ChatGPT and the platform’s full response, published to enable comparison with other AI systems and to illustrate how AI re-processes corporate history in the modern information environment.

Question put to ChatGPT:

The Past, the Archive, and the Algorithm: Is There a Persistent Pattern in Shell’s Worker-Safety and Public-Health Risk Management in the Age of AI?

I am seeking a research-based analysis (not speculation) of whether there is any meaningful continuity or correlation between several historically separated episodes that are alleged to reflect a similar organisational posture toward health, safety, and human lives—taking into account that large language models can now ingest, cross-reference, and recontextualise entire multi-volume corporate histories alongside modern regulatory and safety records. read more

When the Warnings Echo: Shell’s Brent Charlie Fine and the Ghost of Brent Bravo

Nov 28th, 2025

by John Donovan.

Comments are off for this post

On 28 November 2025, Shell UK was fined £560,000 after a major hydrocarbon release on its Brent Charlie platform – a release the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) says created a “potentially catastrophic” fire and explosion risk for the 176 people on board.

The incident itself dates back to 19 May 2017, but the Scottish court’s sentence has only now been handed down. When you read the HSE’s description of what went wrong, it is impossible not to hear the echo of Brent Bravo – the 2003 tragedy in which two men died, and which exposed what former Shell Group Auditor Bill Campbell described as a “Touch F* All”** safety regime. read more

Shearwater Shambles: Shell’s Nitrogen Leak Turns Decking Into Deadfall (and History Repeats Itself)

Sep 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

Comments are off for this post

When you’re Shell—the company that brought you unseaworthy Brent Bravo lifeboats, the Prelude floating gas plant evacuation in Australia, and the occasional oil-for-arms scandal—you’d think safety blunders would be less frequent by now. Think again.

The Incident

On July 12, the Shell-operated Shearwater platform, 140 miles off Aberdeen, sprang a leak of liquid nitrogen. The leak damaged the underside of the deck, sending debris crashing onto a walkway below. The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) later confirmed the falling material had the potential to cause a “fatal injury.”

Shell was served an improvement notice on August 4, with the HSE citing six separate breaches of health and safety law, including failures to protect workers from risks tied to “loss of containment events.” The notice must be complied with by September 9. read more

Shell: Public Enemy Number 1 – A Love Letter to Greed, Lies, and Pollution

Aug 12th, 2025

by admin.

Comments are off for this post

If evil needed a mascot, it would look suspiciously like a giant yellow shell. Forget SPECTRE and SMERSH—those were fiction. Shell’s record of villainy is all too real.

This is the story of an oil giant who funded Nazis, tested carcinogens on their own employees, and still have the gall to tell you they care about “net zero.”

From the Third Reich to Today: Same Script, Different Lies

Shell’s rap sheet starts early: during WWII, Shell effectively sacrificed its own Dutch employees to maintain ties with Nazi Germany, prioritising profits over human lives. Fast-forward a few decades and the playbook hasn’t changed—they’re still perfectly happy to gamble with lives, only now it’s under the glossy cover of corporate social responsibility. read more

When Shell Met BP – A Love Story Fueled by Oil, Lies, and a $120 Million Fine

Jul 9th, 2025

by John Donovan.

Comments are off for this post

“And speaking of Shell’s finest: enter Simon Henry, Shell’s former CFO and now newly appointed BP board member. A man intimately connected to the hydrocarbon reserves scandal.”

Ah, Shell and BP. Britain’s answer to “Which fossil-fueled supervillain do you prefer?” Now there’s murmuring that Shell—the world’s leading oil-slicked PR machine and gold-medal winner in the Deadliest Workplace Olympics—might consider buying BP, its slightly less polished cousin. It’s like Dracula pondering whether to adopt Frankenstein.

But before we get too sentimental, let’s remember what Shell brings to the table:

A glorious history of employee care, like handing Dutch staff over to the Nazis during WWII, and later using workers as test subjects for carcinogenic chemicals. Experimental cruelty disguised as corporate efficiency.
A North Sea platform scandal so outrageous it could be a Monty Python sketch, were it not for the dead offshore workers. Lifeboats were reportedly unseaworthy, and Shell’s internal policy was colloquially dubbed “Touch Fuck All.” Charming.
The 2004 reserves scandal, where Shell admitted it had wildly exaggerated its hydrocarbon reserves. Shareholders were shocked. The SEC fined Shell $120 million, which the company could pay using just one of its greenwashing budgets.
Nigeria, where Shell’s legacy is so soaked in blood, corruption, and environmental devastation that it makes the Exxon Valdez spill look like a spilt milkshake.
Hakluyt, Shell’s in-house intelligence firm. If MI6 and Blackwater had a baby who hated Greenpeace, it’d be Hakluyt. This covert unit reportedly spied on activists, journalists, and anyone else who dared whisper the truth.
Let’s not forget Shell’s ties to the apartheid regime, its cameo in the Al-Yamamah BAE oil-for-arms scandal, and its incestuous intelligence links through Hakluyt.
And then there’s SPECTRE and SMERSH… oh wait, those are fictional. Shell isn’t. It’s worse.

Investors like BlackRock and Vanguard still happily line their pockets from Shell’s sludge-soaked profits. Because what’s a little ecological genocide when there are dividends to collect? read more

Shell Prelude Floating FLNG Barge: A Potentially Catastrophic Failure of Safety Standards

May 12th, 2023

by John Donovan.

Comments are off for this post

Shell Prelude Floating FLNG Barge: A Potentially Catastrophic Failure of Safety Standards

Posted by John Donovan: 12 May 2023

In yet another display of negligence and incompetence, Shell has shamefully suspended production at its Prelude floating LNG facility off Western Australia. The reason? A “trip.” How convenient that Shell conveniently brushes off this serious incident with such a casual technical term, downplaying the gravity of the situation.

Shell’s spokesperson, undoubtedly well-trained in corporate spin, reassures the public that they are working “methodically” to restart production, with safety apparently being their primary concern. But let’s not forget that this is the same company that has repeatedly demonstrated a reckless disregard for safety, as evidenced by the litany of incidents that have plagued the Prelude FLNG facility. read more

Upstream Online: Shell learns from Prelude challenges?

Aug 23rd, 2019

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

Upstream Online: Shell learns from Prelude challenges

Shell is currently in the process of ramping up its Prelude floating liquefied natural gas development off Western Australia, but the ambitious project …

Extract ends

Printed below are extracts from recent postings on our Shell Blog relating to the above Upstream Online article and its interview with Shell VP Prelude, Bob Jager.

Posting on 19 August 2019

I would be interested to know the content of the article just published by Upstream Online about the Prelude FLNG problems?

What I do know is that Prelude is still having difficulties in with the processed volumes of any of the three streams of product, LNG, LPG and condensate.

I have been monitoring the Marine Traffic web site with Prelude as the target. The offtake tankers, LNG or condensate, can be seen hanging around but at a greater distance from Prelude making it not as easy to keep track of as in previous occasions. The latest LNG tanker, Symphonic Breeze, has been nearby for nearly a week waiting for its nominated cargo. The demurrage costs must be quite high by now as the “notice of readiness” will have been tabled on arrival. read more

Call for a Public Inquiry into Shell offshore deaths

Oct 3rd, 2018

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

Malcolm Brinded, standing trial for Corruption in Italy over Nigerian OPL 245 oil deal, a key figure in many Shell scandals, including the tragic deaths on Brent Bravo.

EMAIL TO ALL MP’s: ON 1st OCT, ROYAL DUTCH SHELL CEO BEN VAN BEURDEN HAD ADVANCE SIGHT OF THE TOXIC FACTS SET OUT HEREIN. NO LEGAL ACTION HAS BEEN TAKEN TO STOP YOU SEEING THIS.

Although I am not one of your constituents, I hope you agree that the safety of UK offshore workers is a matter of importance to ALL MP’s. Some unfortunate Royal Dutch Shell workers have already lost their lives. More lives are at stake. Please at least glance through the information below, which includes my name and address.

SHELL NORTH SEA PLATFORM WORKER DEATHS DESERVING A FULLY INFORMED PUBLIC INQUIRY

Just how bad does has a company have to be before the Church of England withdraws investment on ethical grounds?

You may have seen the email I recently sent to over around 1,000 parliamentarians, including senior clergy and the former Scottish Energy Minister Baroness Liddell, who, as you will see, has a Shell connection. The email was about the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby and the Church of England’s significant investment in Royal Dutch Shell Plc.

Many thanks for all the responses received.

I would like to bring to your attention just one of the many scandals rattling around in Shell’s corporate cupboard. read more

Shell reprimanded over Brent Bravo leak

Jan 17th, 2018

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

The UK’s workplace safety watchdog has reprimanded Shell following a gas leak on the Brent Bravo platform in November.

Written by Mark Lammey – 17/01/2018 11:38 am

The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) said Shell has failed to “prevent the uncontrolled release of flammable or explosive substances”.

Its inspector accused the oil major of failing to ensure valves on the rig were kept in “efficient working order and in good repair”.

Shell has been given until March 8 to comply with the improvement notice.

A spokesman for Shell UK said: “Shell UK can confirm that we were issued with an HSE improvement notice on 8^th December 2017 in relation to a small hydrocarbon release on our Brent Bravo platform in the North Sea. read more

Shell defamatory posters, leaflets and press releases attacking Donovan

Sep 15th, 2017

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

By John Donovan

My families falling out with Shell took place over two decades ago.

Some indication of the degree of acrimony can be gauged from the content of posters Shell put on public display on 23 September 1998 at the Shell Centre in London, specifically targeting my father and me. I have never heard of a multinational corporation doing anything like this before or since.

This is what the posters said:

YOU MAY BE HANDED A LEAFLET OUTSIDE SHELL CENTRE BY MR ALFRED DONOVAN, FORMALLY OF A COMPANY CALLED DON MARKETING UK LIMITED. YOU SHOULD BE AWARE THAT JOHN DONOVAN, A DIRECTOR OF DON MARKETING UK LIMITED, MR ALFRED DONOVAN’S SON, HAS ISSUED A WRIT AGAINST SHELL UK CLAIMING THAT HIS COMPANY INVENTED THE SMART LOYALTY CARD PROGRAMME. MR DONOVAN’S ALLEGATIONS HAVE BEEN VERY CAREFULLY INVESTIGATED BY SHELL UK AND DISCUSSED IN DETAIL WITH MR DONOVAN AND HIS SOLICITORS. THE CLAIM IS BEING VIGOROUSLY DEFENDED. AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, MR DONOVAN HAS MADE SOME OFFENSIVE STATEMENTS ABOUT SHELL UK COLLEAGUES. WE REJECT SUCH ALLEGATIONS ABSOLUTELY AND ARE WHOLLY CONFIDENT THAT OUR COLLEAGUES HAVE ACTED IN THIS MATTER AT ALL TIMES IN GOOD FAITH AND IN LINE WITH OUR LONG STANDING BUSINESS PRINCIPLES. read more

Shell suffering legacy of BG Group negligence in maintaining safety critical equipment

Aug 10th, 2017

by John Donovan.

1 comment

Shell suffering legacy of BG Group negligence in maintaining safety critical equipment

Opinion from a contributor to our Shell Blog

A media article has revealed that Shell is already suffering from the legacy of BG Group negligence in maintaining safety critical equipment.

The HSE have issued an improvement notice for failing to install gas detection equipment on the Lomond Platform, despite recommendations from two separate studies.

A second improvement notice was issued for failing to test a High Integrity Protection System (HIPS) since 2014, despite the associated Performance Standard requirement to test annually.

It could be assumed that Finlayson encouraged the infamous Brent TFA during his tenure at the helm of BG to maximise production volumes (an obsession with executives), at the expense of safety system testing. That assumption would not be entirely accurate, the same culture was evident in BG Group long before. Previous failures of a HIPS testing regime had been exposed at another BG operational location, yet despite this no one was held accountable. Maybe if they had been the ‘management team’ in question would not have been implanted in Aberdeen in 2012. read more

Alarming news today of potential fire and explosion on Shell North Sea platform

Aug 2nd, 2017

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

By John Donovan

History is repeating itself. Shell is in the news today over its dangerous North Sea oil platform activities.

Nearly 20 years ago, Shell senior management ignored warnings by HSE Auditor Bill Campbell about the Touch Fuck All regime on the Brent Bravo platform and its potential impact on worker safety. Production and profits were the overriding consideration. Maintenance records were routinely falsified. Lives were put at risk.

Shell EP MD Malcolm Brinded promised to take action based on the scandalous state of affairs Mr Campbell’s team had discovered when he led the safety audit on the platform. The promises were not kept. As a result, platform workers subsequently lost their lives in what was judged by the Scottish legal authorities to be an avoidable accident on Brent Bravo. A record-breaking fine was imposed on Shell. read more

Scandals that return to haunt Shell

Jul 27th, 2017

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

Former Royal Dutch Shell executive director Malcolm Brinded (above left), sucked up to the Libyan dictator Muammar al-Gaddafi, the monster ultimately responsible for the Pan-Am 103 bombing and other terrorist atrocities. They include the murder of a British police constable Yvonne Fletcher shot outside the Libyan Embassy in London while policing an anti-Gaddafi demonstration. (Mr Brinded is currently embroiled in the OPL 245 Nigerian corruption scandal and previously had starring roles in the Brent Bravo “TFA” scandal and the Shell oil reserves fraud.)

By John Donovan

A chilling documentary “Mad Dog: Gaddafi’s Secret World” is currently available to view on BBC Player, but only for another 4 weeks. It is about “the dark world of Colonel Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator who combined oil and the implied threat of terror to turn western powers into cowed appeasers”.

Another throughly disreputable politician makes an appearance. The then UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is shown embracing and kissing the monstrous dictator on both cheeks before announcing a £1billion Libyan oil deal with Shell. Blair knew all about Gaddafi’s terrorist exploits, but like Shell, put money before principle, as he inevitably does. Naturally, then Shell boss Malcolm Brinded was up to his neck in the scandalous deal. read more

Shell’s Criminal Neglect on Brent Bravo

Jun 6th, 2017

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

Bill Campbell comments on an article published yesterday by The Times: Shell slashes North Sea costs to make profit in a crash

(BILL CAMPBELL, RETIRED HSE GROUP AUDITOR, SHELL INTERNATIONAL)

In Aberdeen and Southern operations in the eighties and nineties low oil price periods were quickly reacted to by reducing operating costs mainly maintenance and inspection which equates roughly to 70 percent of OPEX expenditure in a steady state operation with no drilling ongoing.. It is relatively easy to do.

That you suffer for these cuts further down the line with serious integrity issues is the reality of the situation where the Management team making the cuts have long since moved onwards and usually upwards. read more

Shell evacuates workers from Brent Alpha and Bravo

Sep 29th, 2014

by John Donovan.

No comments yet

By John Donovan

After all the Royal Dutch Shell senior management promises to improve safety on Shell North Sea platforms, serious incidents continue to occur.

EnergyVoice.com is reporting that Shell workers have today been evacuated from the Brent Alpha and Bravo platforms after a crane dropped a large container into the North Sea.

Extracts

The container, which was in the process of being winched onto a support vessel when the incident unfolded, initially rested dangerously close to a mass of subsea pipelines which connect into the Far North Liquids & Associated Gas System (Flags) pipeline. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

TOUCH F*** ALL

The Wikipedia Problem, or: How a Global Oil Giant Developed an Allergy to Facts

Is There a Long-Term Pattern in Shell’s Risk Management Failures?

UPDATED 18 JAN 2026 WITH ILLUMINATING REPLIES FROM A NUMBER OF AI PLATFORMS

Question put to ChatGPT:

When you’re Shell—the company that brought you unseaworthy Brent Bravo lifeboats, the Prelude floating gas plant evacuation in Australia, and the occasional oil-for-arms scandal—you’d think safety blunders would be less frequent by now. Think again.

The Incident

If evil needed a mascot, it would look suspiciously like a giant yellow shell. Forget SPECTRE and SMERSH—those were fiction. Shell’s record of villainy is all too real.

From the Third Reich to Today: Same Script, Different Lies

“And speaking of Shell’s finest: enter Simon Henry, Shell’s former CFO and now newly appointed BP board member. A man intimately connected to the hydrocarbon reserves scandal.”

Upstream Online: Shell learns from Prelude challenges

Printed below are extracts from recent postings on our Shell Blog relating to the above Upstream Online article and its interview with Shell VP Prelude, Bob Jager.

Malcolm Brinded, standing trial for Corruption in Italy over Nigerian OPL 245 oil deal, a key figure in many Shell scandals, including the tragic deaths on Brent Bravo.

EMAIL TO ALL MP’s: ON 1st OCT, ROYAL DUTCH SHELL CEO BEN VAN BEURDEN HAD ADVANCE SIGHT OF THE TOXIC FACTS SET OUT HEREIN. NO LEGAL ACTION HAS BEEN TAKEN TO STOP YOU SEEING THIS.

SHELL NORTH SEA PLATFORM WORKER DEATHS DESERVING A FULLY INFORMED PUBLIC INQUIRY

Just how bad does has a company have to be before the Church of England withdraws investment on ethical grounds?

The UK’s workplace safety watchdog has reprimanded Shell following a gas leak on the Brent Bravo platform in November.

Shell suffering legacy of BG Group negligence in maintaining safety critical equipment

Opinion from a contributor to our Shell Blog

Bill Campbell comments on an article published yesterday by The Times: Shell slashes North Sea costs to make profit in a crash

Sir Henri Deterding, resurrected!

JOE LYCETT DISCUSSES SHELL WITH JOHN DONOVAN

Meta

John Donovan’s ebooks

JOHN DONOVAN TV DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW

SHELL EXECUTIVES AT THE CENTER OF A SCHEME TO STEAL $1.3 BILLION FROM NIGERIA’S PEOPLE

SHELL ADMITS DEALING WITH NIGERIAN MONEY LAUNDERER – BBC NEWS

SHELL, ENI AND NIGERIAN OFFICIALS IN OPL 245 CORRUPTION SCANDAL

INVESTIGATION OF OPL 245 NIGERIAN OIL CORRUPTION SCANDAL

DUTCH EARTHQUAKES CAUSED BY SHELL/EXXON

SHELL KILLS FOR OIL IN NIGERIA

SHELL LIED ABOUT CLEANING UP OIL IN NIGER DELTA

SHELL SPIES INFILTRATED NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT

LEGO DROPS SHELL OVER GREENPEACE OIL SPILL VIDEO

SHELL ARCTIC DRILLING ACCIDENTS

SHELL KNEW ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE DECADES AGO

ROYAL DUTCH SHELL FOUNDER SIR HENRI DETERDING, NAZI FINANCIER

JOHN DONOVAN PROMOTIONAL GAMES FOR SHELL AND OTHER CLIENTS

Archives

SHELL OFFICIAL ENDORSEMENT OF THIS WEBSITE

Critic’s corner

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.

The worst ever

The worst ever

OVER 500 EXTERNAL PUBLICATIONS CITING OUR SHELL WEBSITES

DISCLAIMER

Categories

SHELL PROPPED UP APARTHEID

Royal Dutch Shell plc .com Cookies Policy