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April, 2024:

Shell’s CEO Hits the Jackpot While Employees Scratch for Pennies

Posted by John Donovan: 14 April 2024

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Royal Dutch Shell has defended its decision to shower CEO Ben van Beurden with a 126% pay increase last year. Because, you know, why should the average Joe get a decent paycheck when the big boss can swim in a pool of cash?

According to the oil giant’s annual report, van Beurden pocketed a jaw-dropping £17 million in 2018. And if that wasn’t enough to make you spit out your coffee, a hefty £13 million of that came from a long-term incentive plan. Talk about hitting the jackpot! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Departure: The Ultimate “What the Frack” Moment

Posted by John Donovan: 14 April 2024

In a stunning twist, Shell, Britain’s oil giant turned Wall Street wannabe, is eyeing a breakup with London. What’s the fuss? Well, according to CEO Wael Sawan, London’s cramping Shell’s style. But is this really about undervaluation or just a ploy to pump up the share price?

Sawan’s singing the same old tune: London’s dragging Shell down. With taxes, politics, and capital woes, it’s like the city’s throwing a share price pity party. “I have a location that clearly seems to be undervalued,” he moans to Bloomberg. Cue the violins. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Climate Appeal: Lobbying for “Transition” or Just Hot Air?

Posted by John Donovan: 13 April 2024

In a courtroom showdown that could make or break the fight against climate change, Shell is pulling out all the stops to wriggle out of its responsibility to slash emissions. But are they really fighting for the “energy transition” or just looking out for their own oily interests?

Milieudefensie, the Dutch branch of Friends of the Earth, isn’t buying Shell’s greenwashing. They’re pushing for a tougher stance on emissions cuts, arguing that Shell shouldn’t just sell off assets to meet targets. But Shell’s lawyers are crying foul, claiming that forcing them to reduce emissions could lead to “asset decommissioning” – as if that’s somehow worse than the climate crisis. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Exodus: A “What the F@#k” Moment for the Stock Market

Posted by John Donovan: 13 April 2024

In a plot twist that could make even the most seasoned investor double-take, Shell is threatening to ditch the London Stock Exchange faster than you can say “oil spill cleanup.”

Wael Sawan, the head honcho at Shell, has been dropping hints for a while now. First, it was his enchanting trip to the New York Stock Exchange, where they rolled out the red carpet and even flew the Shell flag. Now, he’s openly grumbling about London’s undervaluation of Shell’s shares compared to its Yankee rivals. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Threatens London Stock Exchange

Posted by John Donovan: 10 April 2024

In a move that has the London Stock Exchange quaking in its trading boots, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan has dropped a bombshell threat: Shape up or we ship out to the Big Apple!

Sawan, not one to mince his words, has warned that if London’s stock market continues to undervalue Shell, they’re packing their bags and heading Stateside faster than you can say “oil spill.” 

Despite enjoying the swanky lifestyle in London, Sawan’s loyalty to the UK is about as solid as a house of cards in a hurricane. With dual Lebanese and Canadian citizenship, he’s got one foot out the door already. He’s sick and tired of London investors treating Shell like yesterday’s news while simultaneously picking their pockets clean with hefty taxes. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Ex-Shell Bigwig Fuels Fears of London Exodus

Posted by John Donovan 9 April 2024

In a move with the City of London quaking in its well-polished brogues, former Shell honcho Ben van Beurden has sounded the alarm bells, warning that the company’s valuation in London compared to the Big Apple is a “major issue.”

Speaking from the Financial Times Global Commodity Summit in Switzerland, van Beurden lamented that Shell, the heavyweight champ of the London Stock Exchange (LSE) with a market cap of £118 billion, is being shamelessly undervalued. Cue the tiny violins! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Boss Bags £8m: “Let Them Eat Carbon Intensity Reductions”

Posted by John Donovan 8 April 2024

In a move that has charity workers choking on their avocado toast, Shell’s new top dog, Wael Sawan, has snagged a staggering £8 million in his first year at the helm, leaving many wondering if he’s moonlighting as a magician pulling money out of thin air.

While most folks are counting pennies at the pump, Sawan is raking in the cash like it’s going out of style, leaving pressure groups frothing at the mouth faster than you can say “climate crisis.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s London Exodus Threatens UK’s Stock Market Status Quo

Posted by John Donovan: 8 April 2024

In a move that screams “Sayonara, London,” Shell is eyeing an escape to New York, leaving the UK stock market reeling and investors scratching their heads.

Wael Sawan, Shell’s big cheese, dropped the bombshell, hinting at the company’s dissatisfaction with its London listing. “I have a location that clearly seems to be undervalued,” he lamented, painting a picture of a company unappreciated and unloved.

But why the sudden urge to swap tea for coffee? Well, it seems Shell is tired of playing second fiddle to its American counterparts. With Exxon Mobil and Chevron strutting their stuff on Wall Street, Shell feels like the neglected stepchild stuck in dreary old London. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Dutch Senate Hits Snooze Button on Closing Groningen Gas Field

Posted by John Donovan: 7 April 2024

In a move that screams “procrastination at its finest,” the Dutch Senate has pushed back the vote on permanently shutting down the Groningen gas field, citing concerns over the country’s energy security. Because who needs timely decisions when you can kick the can down the road, right?

Originally slated for closure on October 1, 2023, and then extended to this October, the Groningen gas field was supposed to bid farewell to its gas-pumping days. But alas, the specter of earthquakes and energy insecurity looms large, prompting the government to consider keeping the field operational just in case winter throws a chilly tantrum. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Disappointed: Lower Q1 Earnings Expected from Natural Gas Trading

Posted by John Donovan 7 April 2024

In a stunning twist of fate that surely shook the ivory towers of Shell, the UK-based oil giant confessed to expecting a downturn in its Integrated Gas division’s trading results for the first quarter of 2024. Brace yourselves, folks; it seems they won’t be swimming in gold coins this time around.

Shell, in its prophetic earnings preview released on Friday, forecasted a “significant” dip in trading and optimization results compared to the dazzling performance it put on in the fourth quarter of 2023. Oh, the agony of not being able to sustain such brilliance! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s “Dragon” Scheme: Seeking a License to Pollute

Posted by John Donovan 4 April 2024

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Shell is angling for a long-term license from the US government for their latest gas project in Venezuela. Because apparently, when it comes to exploiting natural resources and wrecking the planet, Shell just can’t get enough.

Dubbed the “Dragon” field, this little venture is estimated to contain a whopping 4.2 trillion cubic feet of gas – because why settle for small-scale environmental destruction when you can go big, right? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

UK Taxpayers Stuck with Shell’s Toxic Bill for North Sea Cleanup

Greenpeace activists hang a banner reading, ‘Clean up your mess, Shell’, as they board two oil platforms in Shell’s  North Sea Brent field on Oct. 14, 2019. Photographer: Marten van Dijl/Greenpeace

Posted by John Donovan 3 April 2024

In a move that’s sure to leave you shaking your head and checking your wallet, it turns out that you – yes, you, the taxpayer – are footing the bill for Shell’s latest environmental mess in the North Sea. Because apparently, when it comes to cleaning up their own toxic waste, Shell thinks it’s more fun to stick you with the tab.

Despite Shell’s best efforts to keep their grimy oil rigs intact and avoid the costly cleanup, decision-makers under the Ospar Convention – the folks in charge of marine pollution – have put their foot down. And while Shell is busy squirming, environmental groups like Greenpeace are cheering from the sidelines. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Corporate Doublespeak: “Sorry, But We Can’t Save the Planet if You Can’t Pay Your Energy Bill!”

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a bizarre turn of events that left many scratching their heads in disbelief, Shell has taken to the courts to argue that saving the planet might just be a tad too expensive. Because who needs clean air and a livable future when you can have cheap gas and record profits, am I right?

As a crucial climate case unfolded in The Hague, lawyers for Shell PLC pulled out all the stops with their jaw-dropping argument: If ordinary citizens can’t afford their energy bills, then forget about saving the planet. Because apparently, the only thing standing between us and climate catastrophe is the price of a monthly utility bill.

In what can only be described as a masterclass in corporate doublespeak, Shell’s lawyer, Daan Lunsingh Scheurleer, solemnly declared in court: “If people can no longer pay for their energy or that energy is no longer reliable… the support of people in the country… for the energy transition will be lost.” Translation: Sorry, folks, but saving the planet is just too damn expensive. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Hilarious Defence: “Reducing Emissions Hinders Our Quest to Destroy the Planet!”

“…a move that left environmentalists scratching their heads and laughing hysterically…”: “And the punchline? We’re all the ones left laughing – or crying – as the world burns.”

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a stunning display of corporate audacity, Shell has taken to a Dutch court to argue that reducing greenhouse gas emissions would somehow hinder the noble cause of climate change. Because who needs a habitable planet when you can have record profits, am I right?

In a move that left environmentalists scratching their heads and laughing hysterically, a lower Dutch court had the audacity to order Shell to cut its planet-warming carbon emissions by a measly 45 percent by 2030. Shocking, I know. But fear not, for Shell is here to save the day with its ingenious argument: “This case has no legal basis.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Dumps New Zealand Assets Like It’s Cleaning Out Its Junk Drawer

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a move that screams “spring cleaning,” Shell has decided to offload its upstream assets in New Zealand like they’re last season’s fashion trend. Because who needs oil wells when you can have… well, anything else?

According to the official announcement, Royal Dutch Shell Plc is selling its Kiwi goodies to Austria’s OMV AG for a cool $578 million (£414.7 million). Because apparently, selling off entire countries is just another day at the office for these oil tycoons. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Oil’s Climate Goals: A Masterclass in Greenwashing or Just a Load of Bull?

Posted by John Donovan 2 April 2024

In a move that could only be described as “bold,” Shell Oil has graciously gifted the world with its latest climate strategy, dubbed the “Shell Energy Transition Strategy 2024.” Oh, how we’ve been eagerly awaiting this gem from the fine folks who brought you oil spills and environmental devastation!

According to this masterpiece of corporate spin, Shell has decided to make a few tweaks to its climate goals. You know, nothing major. Just a slight downgrade of its 2030 target from a 20% reduction in net carbon intensity to a dazzling 15-20%. And who needs a target for 2035 anyway? Certainly not a titan of the fossil fuel industry like Shell. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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