Royal Dutch Shell Plc  .com Rotating Header Image

BP

Big Oil’s Profit Party: Dancing on the Graves of Global Crisis

…let’s face it, entrusting the fate of our planet and our pockets to these profit-obsessed behemoths is like asking a fox to guard the henhouse

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Feb 24

Ladies and gents, fasten your seatbelts for a ride on the Greed Express, hosted by none other than the world’s oil oligarchs, those darlings of disaster, who’ve been making it rain with profits while the world burns (literally and metaphorically). In the blue corner, weighing in with more dollars than decency, are the heavyweights of hydrocarbons: BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies. Together, these titans of turmoil have bagged a cool $281 billion in profits since Russia decided to play war games in Ukraine. That’s billion, with a “B,” folks. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Dutch Pension Fund Dumps Oil Stocks, including Shell, Like Hot Potatoes

Even the Church of England Pensions Board, known more for its hymns than its hardline stance on hydrocarbons, had already ghosted Shell over its “climate stance” last year.

Posted by John Donovan: 8 Feb 24

In a move that’s as shocking as finding out water is wet, a Dutch pension fund, PFZW, has finally decided that maybe, just maybe, holding onto stocks in oil and gas behemoths like Shell, BP, and TotalEnergies isn’t the greenest idea they’ve had. So, they’ve ditched their shares in 310 oil and gas companies, a divestment spree worth around €2.8 billion, because – surprise! – these companies are about as speedy as a snail on sedatives when it comes to cutting emissions. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays Green Dress-Up for Shareholders While Profits Take a Dive

Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet.

Posted by John Donovan: 31 Jan 24

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for the latest episode of “Shell’s Green Masquerade.” While Shell has been playing the quiet game, BP’s former finance boss-turned-chief executive, Murray Auchincloss, has been hogging the spotlight. But fear not, Shell hasn’t been napping. They’ve been laser-focused on the most important thing in the universe: shareholder returns.

In a heartwarming message to analysts last June, Shell reassured everyone, “We need to continue to create profitable business models that can be scaled at pace to truly impact the de-carbonisation of the global energy system.” Translation: Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP’s Profit Hits a Bump: Oil Titans Face 40% Profit Drop

Posted by John Donovan: 28 Jan 24

In a heart-wrenching turn of events, our beloved oil giants Shell and BP are bracing for a catastrophic profit plunge – a staggering 40%, no less! Get your tissues ready, folks, because this is the kind of tragedy that could bring a tear to even a billionaire’s eye.

These paragons of the oil industry, who call London their home, are set to reveal their financial results soon. Last year, they managed to scrape together a meagre £31 billion, according to those fortune-tellers at Refinitiv. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! This is a far cry from the £55 billion bonanza they enjoyed in 2022 when energy prices shot up faster than a geyser following Russia’s little escapade in Ukraine.

Remember the good old days of 2022? When the average Brent crude price was a robust $100 (£78) per barrel? Well, fast forward to last year, and it plummeted to a mere $82. It’s almost like the universe decided these oil moguls needed a reality check. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays It Safe, Pauses Red Sea Shipments

Posted by John Donovan 16 Jan 24

In a move that’s less ‘brave explorer’ and more ‘cautious cat’, Shell, the British oil giant, has reportedly paused its Red Sea fiesta, halting all shipments through this aquatic party zone. Why? Because the Houthi rebels from Yemen have decided to be uninvited party crashers, targeting commercial vessels on this crucial global trade route.

The Wall Street Journal spilt the tea first, citing those ever-mysterious ‘unnamed sources’. When FOX Business tried to get the lowdown from Shell’s office for the Americas, they were met with radio silence. And, in true secretive fashion, the Journal says Shell declined to comment. Talk about playing hard to get! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

DISCLAIMER: Content published on this non-commercial platform may incorporate information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means, including translation and information published on Wikipedia. The articles presented may be satirical adaptations derived from one or more previously published sources, crafted to maintain factual accuracy while incorporating elements of satire. Individuals or entities mentioned in our articles are encouraged to notify us of any inaccuracies that may require rectification. Readers are advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Ponders Joining the Fossil Fuel Fiesta in the U.S.

Posted by John Donovan: 6 Jan 24

Wael Sawan, the CEO of Shell, a corporation worth a whopping $214 billion, seems to be eagerly warming the bench as he watches Exxon Mobil and Chevron have all the fun in the Permian, a hotspot for oil that’s as profitable as it is controversial. In 2024, Sawan faces a thrilling dilemma: let his U.S. rivals hog all the glory or jump back into the oil bonanza himself, turning his back on that pesky renewable energy trend.

Rewinding to 2021, when green pressures were all the rage, Sawan’s predecessor, Ben van Beurden, was coaxed into selling assets in the Permian. But fast forward to the present, where the Ukraine war has conveniently dampened Shell’s enthusiasm for reducing oil output. Sawan, playing it cool, has also slyly dropped most of those green targets, and guess what? Investors are loving it. Since Sawan took the helm in 2023, Shell’s stock has soared by 15%, leaving U.S. and European rivals eating its dust. Meanwhile, BP, which took the high road away from oil, is barely keeping pace amid its CEO-hunting saga. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Joins BP in Playground Squabble Over Venture Global LNG’s Toy Box

Posted by John Donovan: 5 Jan 2024

In what seems like a scene straight out of a corporate soap opera, Shell PLC has decided to buddy up with BP PLC in their ongoing tiff with Venture Global LNG. The bone of contention? Access to the apparently exclusive club of liquefied natural gas (LNG) supplies, from which Shell and BP feel unjustly barred. This drama, worth more than a whopping $18 billion in superchilled gas exports, was recently aired out in a filing with U.S. regulators.

Venture Global’s Calcasieu Pass, which sounds more like a secret handshake than an export facility, has been playing the elusive host, producing and selling LNG for over 20 months. Meanwhile, Shell, BP, and their band of energy cronies, including Edison SpA, Polish state firm Orlen, and Spain’s Repsol, have been left knocking at the door, claiming they’ve been ghosted on their term-contract cargoes. Being told that the plant is still ‘getting ready’ – a.k.a. in the commissioning phase – doesn’t sit well with them. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Magnates Celebrate Profits With A Rain of Cash, While the World Burns

Posted by John Donovan: 2 Jan 2024

Oh, what a time to be alive in the golden age of oil! As the world gasps in horror at climate change and energy crises, our heroic oil companies – BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies – are set to dole out a staggering $100 billion in payouts to their beloved shareholders. It’s like a fairy tale, where the rich get richer while the planet heats up!

In 2022, these noble guardians of fossil fuels blessed their shareholders with $104 billion in dividends and buybacks, according to the Institute for Energy Economics and Financial Analysis (IEEFA). All this, after a year of record-breaking profits thanks to the turmoil in energy markets. Who knew that a global crisis could be so lucrative? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

British Museum Gratefully Embraces BP’s ‘Green’ Millions for Grand Makeover

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Dec 2023

In a move that screams “We’re totally in sync with the times,” the British Museum has gleefully jumped into bed with BP, the poster child for environmental mindfulness, for a modest sum of £50m. This cash injection is to fund what’s being touted as the most ambitious arts and crafts project since Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

BP, known far and wide for their green fingers and a heart for the planet, will generously fund the museum’s “masterplan.” This plan, which could be mistaken for a Bond villain’s scheme for world domination, is estimated to cost a meager £1bn. And who better to foot the bill than a company renowned for its love of Mother Earth?

In this audacious display of modernity, the museum plans to give its Bloomsbury building a facelift, because what’s more important than looking good? The museum proudly proclaims the project’s “scale, complexity, and importance,” seemingly forgetting to mention the ‘irony’ aspect. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Pension Funds Get Memo: Ditch Oil & Gas

Shell is basically the tobacco industry of the energy world – they might as well be selling cigarettes. Their job? Keep the oil and gas flowing, consequences be damned.

Posted by John Donovan; 1 December 2023

In a plot twist that could be straight out of a Hollywood eco-thriller, pension schemes are being told to wake up and smell the carbon emissions. At the Pensions and Lifetime Savings Association’s ESG conference in London, the big talk was about ditching those oh-so-yesterday oil and gas investments. Because, you know, investing in the destruction of our planet is so 20th century.

Enter Tony Burdon, the chief of Make My Money Matter (MMMM), who’s been rallying the troops to write angry letters to their pension schemes. His message? If those fossil fuel fanboys at BP and Shell don’t clean up their act, it’s time to take our money and run. Oh, and he’s got Olivia Coleman from “The Crown” on board, because nothing says serious environmental policy like celebrity endorsements. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Titans on Trial: Big Energy Companies Grapple with Climate Deception Lawsuit in California Showdown

Grab your popcorn, folks. This legal drama is about to reveal whether these energy companies are just misunderstood giants or masterminds of eco-deception. Stay tuned!

Posted by John Donovan:

27 November 2023   

Well, well, well, if it isn’t our favorite energy giants back in the spotlight, but this time they’re not drilling oil – they’re drilling themselves into a bit of a legal quagmire. BP PLC, Chevron Corp., ConocoPhillips, Exxon Mobil Corp., and Royal Dutch Shell PLC are about to play a high-stakes game of courtroom chess in sunny California. And guess what? It’s not about who struck oil, but who played a little too fast and loose with the truth about climate change. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP’s Tightrope Walk: Plan B: Diversify or Bust

Posted by John Donovan: 23 November 2023

Shell and BP’s Net Zero Balancing Act: A Pricey Path to Clean Energy

Shell PLC and BP PLC might need to break their piggy banks and cough up a staggering US$35 billion yearly until 2050. Why? To keep strutting their stuff as major energy players while playing nice with the planet.

The Cost of Going Green (While Staying Black)

Here’s the deal: if these oil tycoons want to keep pumping out oil and gas but not be the bad guys of climate change, they’ve got to get serious about carbon capture and removal. The International Energy Agency (IEA) laid it out: around 60 Mt CO2 of carbon capture, utilization, and storage (CCUS) capacity, and about 200 Mt CO2 of carbon removal capacity. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP: Plotting a Fossil Fuel Fairy Tale in Mega Merger Mania?

Posted on 12 November 2023 by John Donovan

In the high-stakes world of oil barons and carbon czars, Shell and BP might just be flirting with the idea of a fossil fuel marriage made in heaven. Because, in the grand world of big oil, bigger is always better, especially when everyone else is fretting over minor things like climate change and renewable energy.

Once upon a time, under the starry-eyed leadership of Lord John Browne, BP was the belle of the ball, scooping up Amoco and Arco in a transatlantic love affair. Meanwhile, Shell, not to be outdone and under Ben van Beurden’s watchful eye, waltzed with BG Group for a cool £36 billion in 2016. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Whispers of a BP-Shell super merger

Posted by John Donovan: 31 October 2023

Once upon a time in a land far, far away from the reality of climate change, the noble knights of Big Oil gallantly rebranded their annual jamboree to “Energy Intelligence,” because, as we all know, changing your name changes your impact on the planet. Meanwhile, our heroes of the hour, Fossil Free London, were throwing a bit of a festive blockade party at the Intercontinental. You might’ve heard of Greta Thunberg? Yeah, she was there, got a badge of honor in the form of a public disorder charge. So large was the fiesta that Shell’s head honcho Wael Sawan had to resort to Zoom to address his oil-loving subjects. How… quaint. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

BP and Shell: Masters of Environmental Deception or Just the New Tobacco Titans?

Posted by John Donovan 26 Sept 2023

In a delightful twist of fate, BP and Shell, those champions of environmental responsibility, have seen their stock prices soar like eagles in the past month. And what’s the secret behind this sudden success story, you ask? Well, it’s the good old resurgent oil price, of course! Who would have thought that predictions of the world moving away from fossil fuels were anything more than wishful thinking?

In a striking parallel, BP and Shell now find themselves in the same league as the beloved tobacco stocks, British American Tobacco and Imperial Brands. These companies, much like our oil pals, have faced their fair share of criticism for the delightful consequences of their products. But, lo and behold, the world’s appetite for tobacco hasn’t waned entirely, just like the world’s insatiable thirst for oil. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
Comment Rules

  • Please show respect to the opinions of others no matter how seemingly far-fetched.
  • Abusive, foul language, and/or divisive comments may be deleted without notice.
  • Each blog member is allowed limited comments, as displayed above the comment box.
  • Comments must be limited to the number of words displayed above the comment box.
  • Please limit one comment after any comment posted per post.