Posted by John Donovan: 28 Jan 24
In a heart-wrenching turn of events, our beloved oil giants Shell and BP are bracing for a catastrophic profit plunge – a staggering 40%, no less! Get your tissues ready, folks, because this is the kind of tragedy that could bring a tear to even a billionaire’s eye.
These paragons of the oil industry, who call London their home, are set to reveal their financial results soon. Last year, they managed to scrape together a meagre £31 billion, according to those fortune-tellers at Refinitiv. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! This is a far cry from the £55 billion bonanza they enjoyed in 2022 when energy prices shot up faster than a geyser following Russia’s little escapade in Ukraine.
Remember the good old days of 2022? When the average Brent crude price was a robust $100 (£78) per barrel? Well, fast forward to last year, and it plummeted to a mere $82. It’s almost like the universe decided these oil moguls needed a reality check.
But wait, there’s more drama! This tragic fall in profits might actually impact Shell and BP’s ability to play Santa Claus with their investors through share buybacks. After all, they’ve been so generous lately, buying back their own shares with the fervour of a kid in a candy store, especially after they took the axe to their dividends during the Covid pandemic.
This Thursday, Shell is set to spill the beans on its full-year results, with forecasts predicting a paltry £20.3 billion in profits for 2023. BP, not wanting to be left out of the pity party, is expected to report a mere £11 billion when they share their sob story on February 6th.
So, let’s all spare a thought for our downtrodden oil giants as they navigate these trying times with only billions to comfort them. Stay strong, Shell and BP – the world is rooting for you to bounce back from this minor hiccup in your quest for world domination!
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