Shell’s $6 Billion ‘Investment’ in Nigeria: Because What’s a Little More Oil Among Friends?

Posted by John Donovan: 9 Dec 2023

In a recent spectacle of financial bravado, Shell, the oil giant that never met a fossil fuel it didn’t like, has unveiled its grand plan to pour a cool $6 billion into Nigeria’s oil and gas fields. Because, you know, nothing says commitment to the environment like doubling down on drilling.

Shell’s director of gas and upstream operations, Zoe Yujnovich, gushed about an “imminent $5 billion investment opportunity” in Nigeria’s offshore Bonga North oil project. She’s “really keen” to make this investment “as soon as possible.” It’s like hearing someone excitedly planning a party at a house that’s already on fire.

Nigerian President Bola Tinubu, apparently thrilled at the prospect of more oil money, has vowed to remove any “bottleneck” hindering this influx of capital. He’s quoted as saying, “There is no bottleneck that is too difficult for us to remove in our determined march toward making Nigeria the African haven for large-scale investments.” Translation: “Bring on the oil rigs!”

Shell, meanwhile, is playing coy about the details of its chat with the Nigerian president, with a spokesperson confirming the talks but keeping mum because, you know, privacy is key when you’re discussing the future of fossil fuels.

Let’s not forget that Nigeria’s oil output has been more of a trickle than a gush, thanks to theft, sabotage, and a lack of investment. But offshore production is less prone to these pesky issues, so Shell’s betting big on deepwater drilling. It’s like moving your picnic because there are ants on the lawn.

And just in case you thought Shell was putting all its eggs in one oily basket, they’re also planning to invest another $1 billion in the next decade to boost natural gas production. Because why settle for one environmental headache when you can have two?

Of course, Shell’s Nigerian adventure hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies. They’ve been mired in lawsuits over oil spills, but Shell insists it’s all because of theft and criminality, not their own operations. It’s the corporate equivalent of “the dog ate my homework.”

In the end, Shell’s $6 billion investment plan in Nigeria reads like a love letter to oil and gas, with a postscript that says, “Sorry about the environment, but business is business.”

Disclaimer: We strive for accuracy in our portrayal of Shell’s global escapades. If we’ve gotten something wrong, do tell. After all, in the world of energy giants vs. the rest of us, getting the story straight isn’t just important – it’s crucial.

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