News and information on Shell Plc
Posted by John Donovan: 21 March 2024
In a move as shocking as discovering water is wet, Shell has decided to say “Thank U, Next” to its 50% stake in SouthCoast Wind Energy, leaving the offshore wind project off the coast of Massachusetts faster than a college student leaving their morals at spring break. The lucky recipient of Shell’s fleeting affection? Its joint venture partner, Ocean Winds North America LLC, who probably swiped right without realizing what they were getting into.
Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024
In a dazzling display of corporate doublethink, oil moguls gathered in Houston, casually shrugging off any pretence of urgency in the face of the climate crisis. Despite John F. Kerry’s victory lap at the U.N. Climate Change Conference in Dubai, declaring a monumental shift away from fossil fuels, the lords of oil in Houston had a hearty laugh. “Missed the memo, John,” they seemed to say, before diving into their Scrooge McDuck-style money vaults.
Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024
In a move that screams “We’re totally green now, guys,” Shell, the fossil fuel titan known for its subtle contributions to global warming, has announced plans to transform its image by shedding some of its oil-slicked skin. Yes, Shell is planning to dump around 500 of its gasoline stations a year in 2024 and 2025 to make room for what’s being touted as the future of motoring: electric vehicle (EV) charging sites. Because nothing says commitment to the energy transition like swapping one pump for another.
Havas, the brave soul who took on the Shell media account, found itself in hot water, experiencing a backlash that could only be described as what happens when you realize you’ve accidentally helped decorate the banquet hall for the Titanic’s farewell dinner.Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024
In an era where even our snacks are going green, Comms Declare, the activist group with a penchant for ruining Big Oil’s marketing dreams, has issued a stark warning to all ad agencies: pitching for Shell Energy’s creative account is like signing a deal with the devil but with less fire and more gaslighting.
Shell, known affectionately as the Olympic champion of gaslighting, has put on its best sheep’s clothing, beckoning ad agencies to help peddle its renewables and energy solutions business in Australia. But Comms Declare is calling BS, suggesting that anyone who takes the bait is essentially propping up the glossy facade of a company that’s doubling down on its oil and gas love affair.
Posted by John Donovan 20 March 2024
The reason for this festive blockade? Shell, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that what the world really needs right now is more oil and gas. Because, of course, the best way to handle a climate crisis is to double down on the cause. It’s a bit like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it—literally. Meanwhile, Shell’s old rigs and pipelines in the North Sea are enjoying a lovely retirement, slowly rusting away like forgotten relics of a bygone era.
In an astounding turn of events that shocked no one, Shell’s ex-bigwig, Ben van Beurden (left), managed to stuff his pockets with an extra £8.9 million last year, elevating his total take from the oil giant to a modest £95 million. Who said being an eco-villain doesn’t pay well?In a spectacle of financial gymnastics that would make even Scrooge McDuck blush, a hefty long-term bonus and a golden parachute (sorry, “severance award”) ensured that van Beurden out-earned his successor, Wael Sawan, who had to scrape by on a mere £7.9 million. One can only imagine the penny-pinching at the Sawan household.
Before passing the torch (or should we say oil lamp?) to Sawan, van Beurden amassed a fortune of £86 million, proving that oil really does grease the wheels of personal fortune. Not content with just riding off into the sunset, van Beurden stuck around as an “adviser” for six months, during which he pocketed a £5.1 million long-term bonus and a £1.4 million consolation prize for “loss of office.” Because, clearly, losing an office that pays you in millions is a loss worth compensating.
Posted by John Donovan 20 March 2024
Yes, dear readers, the energy behemoth decided that its green ambitions were just too… ambitious, scaling back its carbon reduction goal for 2030 and completely ghosting any further targets for 2035. It’s like they’re trying to win an award for “Least Effort Made by a Multinational Corporation.”
Under the visionary leadership of Wael Sawan—who apparently took the helm last year with a mission to redefine the term ‘net zero’ to mean ‘net… zero changes to our fossil fuel dependency’—Shell has rationalized its decision with the classic “but renewable energy investments aren’t happening fast enough” excuse. Meanwhile, environmental campaigners are left scratching their heads, wondering if Shell is actually just a group of oil-addicted time travelers from the 1950s.
Posted by John Donovan: 20 March 2024
As if summoned from the depths of an oil exec’s wet dream, the plant soon began its symphony of pollution—flaring waste gases, puffing out black smoke, and diffusing an aroma that could only be described as eau de antifreeze meets syrup. Quigley, suddenly finding herself living in an industrial perfume ad, started worrying about the “minor” side effects of air pollution and potential health hazards.
But fear not, dear citizens, for the state’s Department of Environmental Protection swooped in, slapping the plant with fines over $10 million for being naughty not once, not twice, but 19 times, releasing fun stuff like volatile organic compounds and benzene into the air. Who needs clean air when you can have carcinogens, right?
In a move that’s as surprising as finding out water is wet, Shell is packing its bags and bidding adieu to Nigeria’s onshore oil and gas scene. But not without a parting gift: a hefty cleanup bill and a landscape that looks more like a villain’s backyard in a post-apocalyptic movie. The grand exit strategy involves handing over the keys to a consortium of five mostly local companies for a modest $2.4 billion, because, you know, why deal with the mess when you can just sell it off?
Posted by John Donovan: 6 Mar 24
Oh, what a day to be alive! Shell, our favourite environmental villain, just threw its quarterly earnings bash, and guess what? Profits are through the ozone layer, folks! Up a whopping 42 percent to the highest in over three years, all thanks to those ever-so-gentle oil price hikes and squeezing more out of the earth like it’s an old toothpaste tube. But, hold your gasps, because the plot thickens—or should we say, the oil slickens? Despite bathing in cash, Shell somehow managed to disappoint the world yet again with its cash flow not living up to the high expectations. Who could’ve guessed?
Posted by John Donovan: 4 March 24
In the most bewildering plot twist since Darth Vader declared paternity, it turns out the big, bad oil giants are the puppeteers of some of our favourite environmental guardians. That’s right, folks! Royal Dutch Shell, the fairy godmother of the environmental realm, waved its magic wand (or, more accurately, its hefty chequebook) and helped birth the World Wildlife Fund International. And just when you thought this fairy tale couldn’t get any weirder, Shell’s former president, John Loudon, moonlighted as the WWF’s president for a spell, bringing a whole new meaning to “keeping it in the family.”
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more “WTF,” SOMO drops the bombshell that Shell plans to stick around like a bad smell, financially entangled with the new owners.Posted by John Donovan: 4 March 2024
In the latest episode of “How to Escape Your Mess Like a Pro,” Shell has decided it’s time to pull the ultimate Houdini act in Nigeria. You won’t believe this, folks, but Shell is trying to vanish from Nigeria faster than you can say “environmental catastrophe,” leaving behind nothing but a cloud of smoke, polluted lands, and bewildered faces. The Centre for Research on Multinational Corporations (SOMO) isn’t amused and insists that Shell shouldn’t be allowed to pull off this disappearing act until they’ve cleaned up the monumental mess they’ve made.
Posted by John Donovan: 2 March 24
In a move that’s shaking up the energy world with the subtlety of a rhinoceros in a china shop, Shell Energy customers are being herded like bewildered sheep into the welcoming tentacles of Octopus Energy. Shell, notorious for its love letters to pollution and its unquenchable thirst for oil, is passing the baton to Octopus Energy. This grand switcheroo involves a staggering 1.3 million customers, with 750,000 already having been teleported to their new home before they could say “fossil fuels.”
Posted by John Donovan: 29 Feb 24
In an astonishing turn of events that will surely leave us all basking in the warm glow of irony, Shell, the poster child for fossil fuel philanthropy, has decided to play a round of hot potato with approximately a quarter of its US solar business, Savion. That’s right, folks, the same company that’s been drilling its way into our hearts (and the planet) is now making a strategic pivot so bold, it might just qualify for an Olympic gymnastics routine.
Will Shell be forced to face the music, or will their toxic legacy be a burden borne by the Niger Delta for generations to come? Only time will tell, but for now, Shell’s exit strategy reads more like a crime thriller than a corporate transition plan.Oh, what’s this? Shell, the darling of the fossil fuel world, is attempting the corporate equivalent of dine and dash, but instead of skipping out on a restaurant bill, they’re leaving behind a slightly more problematic souvenir in the Niger Delta: a colossal, toxic mess. In a move that’s about as shocking as finding oil in the delta, Shell is trying to ghost the region with a cheeky $2.4 billion sale of its onshore assets to the Renaissance Africa Energy Company. But here’s the kicker: they’re packing up their oil-stained bags without cleaning up the environmental disaster they’ve lovingly crafted over the decades.
Posted by John Donovan: 26 Feb 24
Well, buckle up, eco-warriors and climate change aficionados, for the latest episode of “How to Paint Your Carbon Footprint Green,” starring none other than Shell, the behemoth of black gold, in its newest role as a green wizard! In a dazzling display of environmental sleight of hand, Shell has pulled a rabbit out of its oily hat with the launch of Onward, a ‘climate tech’ startup. Brace yourselves for a journey into the future of clean energy, as envisioned by the very architects of our current fossil-fueled predicament.
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See our link list of over 500 articles by the FT, Wall Street Journal, Reuters, Bloomberg, Forbes, Dow Jones Newswires, New York Times, CNBC etc, plus UK House of Commons Select Committee Hansard records, information on U.S. Securities & Exchange Commission website etc. all containing references to our Shell focussed websites, or our website founders Alfred and John Donovan. Includes TV documentary features in English and German, newspaper and magazine articles, radio interviews, newsletters etc. Plus academic papers, Stratfor intelligence reports and UK, U.S. and Australian state/parliamentary publications, also citing our Shell websites. Click on this link to see the entire list, all in date order with a link to an index of over 100 books also containing references to our non-profit websites and/or our activities.
John Donovan, the website owner
This is not a Shell website. That fact should be abundantly plain from the overall content of this home page and our sister Shell focussed websites, including shellnazihistory.com. Click on the Disclaimer link at top of this page for more information. You Can Be Sure Shell does not endorse or approve of this website. There are no subscription charges nor do we solicit or accept donations. No advertising is accepted. It is an entirely free to use non-commercial website drawing attention to the negative side of Shell. The Shell logo image with the white text used on this website, as per the above example, is in the public domain because its copyright has expired and its author is anonymous. It can be found here on WIKIMEDIA COMMONS. Use this link for Shell’s own website.
