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Shell CEO Dreams of Leaving UK for Greener (Profitable) Pastures in the US

Posted by JOHN DONOVAN: July 7, 2023

In a truly heartwarming display of corporate compassion, Wael Sawan, the CEO of Shell, has openly mused about the possibility of abandoning the UK to make even more money elsewhere. It seems that pesky ‘windfall’ taxes imposed by the UK Government on energy firms have left poor Shell feeling unappreciated. After all, why pay your fair share when you can simply relocate and maximize your profits?

Sawan wasted no time in painting a bleak picture of the future, warning that energy prices and bills could skyrocket if China’s increased demand coincides with a cold European winter. Oh, the horror! It’s almost as if Shell’s bottom line is more important than the financial well-being of ordinary people.

In a stunning display of environmental ignorance, Sawan asserted that transitioning away from fossil fuels to renewable alternatives too quickly would be dangerous and irresponsible. How considerate of him to protect the interests of his precious oil and gas empire, while conveniently ignoring the urgent need to address the climate crisis.

But fear not, for Shell has contemplated a possible shift to a New York listing, where the warm embrace of a more supportive environment awaits. Sawan expressed concerns about the UK’s lack of stability in energy policy and taxation, conveniently forgetting that stability should come second to Shell’s insatiable desire for profits.

Sawan acknowledged the “valuation gap” between Shell and American oil companies like Exxon Mobil, emphasizing that a move to the US could bridge that gap and boost shareholder value. After all, who cares about the devastating environmental consequences when there’s money to be made?

Meanwhile, Shell proudly reported record profits of $40 billion in 2022, as higher energy prices caused by geopolitical tensions fattened their coffers. They even managed to exceed their own earnings forecast in the first quarter, demonstrating their unwavering commitment to extracting every last drop of profit from the earth.

While Shell entertains dreams of a US headquarters, they have reassured us that they have no immediate plans to relocate. How thoughtful of them to grace us with their presence for the next three years before potentially bidding farewell to the UK.

Of course, Shell’s right of reply awaits, where they can point out any factual inaccuracies and share their closing comments. We eagerly anticipate their attempt to justify their insatiable greed and disregard for the environment. Surely they have a heartwarming tale of how their profits are benefiting humanity and saving the planet, right?

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