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Shell’s Heartwarming Concern for Children: Protecting Oil & Gas Production for the Kids

Posted by John Donovan August 12, 2023

In a truly heartwarming display of compassion, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has taken a bold stance to protect the future of children. With unwavering dedication, Sawan defended the ongoing production of oil and gas, reminding us all that sacrificing a habitable planet is a small price to pay for children’s access to abundant hydrocarbons.

Sawan, the CEO of just under a year, has deftly steered Shell back to its roots, emphasizing its “ruthless” commitment to maximizing profits while minimizing any pesky environmental concerns. The slight detour towards renewables was only a momentary lapse, as evidenced by the departure of Thomas Brostrom, who foolishly entertained the idea of a greener energy future. Clearly, Sawan understands that the only way forward is through a haze of fossil fuels.

In an astonishing interview with the BBC, Sawan eloquently argued that cutting oil and gas production would be “dangerous and irresponsible,” leaving children in countries like Pakistan and Bangladesh without the cherished privilege of working and studying by candlelight. Who needs clean, renewable energy when you have the romantic flicker of a candle to guide your way through climate-induced disasters?

Environmental groups, such as Greenpeace, have admirably called out Shell’s valiant efforts to prioritize profit over planetary health. Charlie Kronick of Greenpeace UK lauded Sawan’s dedication to climate change denial, labelling it “disingenuous” and “disgraceful.” How dare anyone suggest that Shell’s pursuit of riches might hinder children’s exposure to crippling climate change impacts? Clearly, those children should be grateful for the life lessons learned from such experiences.

Claire Fyson, an expert in climate policy, had the audacity to suggest that renewable energy might be a cleaner, cheaper, and healthier alternative. How delightfully naive! Clearly, Fyson is unaware that contributing to air pollution and climate devastation is all part of Shell’s charitable endeavours.

Sawan’s poignant defence of gas production brings a tear to the eye. He’s not just protecting Shell’s profits; he’s safeguarding the very essence of our planet – pollution, devastation, and the warm glow of hydrocarbons. While the world may be inching toward clean energy, Shell’s unapologetic dedication to dirty fuels is a reminder that progress is overrated. After all, why strive for a sustainable future when we can have a fiery apocalypse fueled by fossil riches?

So let’s salute Shell for its unparalleled commitment to valuing profits over people, pollution over preservation, and oil over oxygen. With Shell leading the way, we’re on a one-way path to a glowing, smog-covered paradise.

Shell is invited to point out for correction any factual inaccuracies and supply closing comments for publication as part of this article on an unedited basis. 

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