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Wael Sawan

Shell and BP: Plotting a Fossil Fuel Fairy Tale in Mega Merger Mania?

Nov 12th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted on 12 November 2023 by John Donovan

In the high-stakes world of oil barons and carbon czars, Shell and BP might just be flirting with the idea of a fossil fuel marriage made in heaven. Because, in the grand world of big oil, bigger is always better, especially when everyone else is fretting over minor things like climate change and renewable energy.

Once upon a time, under the starry-eyed leadership of Lord John Browne, BP was the belle of the ball, scooping up Amoco and Arco in a transatlantic love affair. Meanwhile, Shell, not to be outdone and under Ben van Beurden’s watchful eye, waltzed with BG Group for a cool £36 billion in 2016. read more

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Shell Plays the ‘Cool Uncle’ Card: Luring Gen Z with Games and Influencers While Glossing Over Fossil Fuels

Nov 10th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Shell, the ever-so-clever fox, asserts that their ad blitz is all about showcasing their role in both traditional fuels and renewables. After all, who wouldn’t want to know about the great things a fossil fuel giant is doing in the age of climate crisis?

Posted by John Donovan: 10 November 2023

In an epic display of keeping up with the kids, Shell, the oil and gas behemoth, is donning its hippest hat to woo the young’uns. What better way to endear oneself to a generation terrified of climate change than by hopping onto Instagram, gaming platforms, and influencer bandwagons?

“I am fuelled by the ocean,” proclaims Sage Erickson, a champion surfer with 310,000 Instagram disciples, in a Shell-backed video. She talks about instilling noble values in the youth, while artfully side-stepping any mention of Shell or its fossil fuel-centric agenda. read more

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Shell’s High Seas High Jinks: Suing the Little Greenpeace Boats for Big Green Bucks

Nov 9th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 9 November 2023

In a dazzling display of corporate might meets environmental kite-flying, Shell, the ever-so-benevolent oil monarch, has unsheathed its legal swords against the high-speed rubber ducks of the sea—Greenpeace. With a modest ask of £1.7 million in damages, Shell is practically passing around the charity hat, seeking just compensation for the audacious act of activists boarding its noble vessel, the White Marlin.

As Shell puts it, with the gravity of a Shakespearean aside, they must recover “the significant costs of responding to Greenpeace’s dangerous actions.” Yes, dear reader, let’s ponder the danger of these eco-warriors and their inflatable boats against the backdrop of an oil platform, as threatening as a feather to a tank. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s ‘Lean and Mean’ Plan: A Masterclass in Selective Hearing and Eco-Selective Memory

Nov 5th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 5 November 2023

As the world cries for renewable energy, Shell’s new CEO, Wael Sawan, has concocted a delicious strategy that conveniently forgets those pesky green initiatives that don’t promise massive paychecks. The plan? Embrace the fossil fuels that keep investors warm and toasty, while giving the cold shoulder to the less profitable ventures in the green space.

Sawan, with a twinkle in his eye, declares it’s time for Shell to get “leaner” and more “disciplined,” as reported by the Financial Times. Because, in the end, who needs a full-bodied approach to saving the planet when a slimmed-down, oil-guzzling figure will do just fine? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Revels in Petro Profits as World Pleads for Climate Mercy

Nov 2nd, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 2 November 2023

In a spectacle of corporate jubilation, Shell has flaunted a $6.2 billion profit bonanza, much to the horror of environmentalists and the delight of shareholders rubbing their hands in glee. As if mother nature hadn’t suffered enough, Shell has profited handsomely from the oil price bounce, a merry-go-round fueled by Opec+’s crafty production cuts and the sad ongoing soap opera of global conflicts.

This show of profits, a slight dip from last year’s staggering $9.4 billion—when oil prices soared amidst the heart-wrenching drama of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine—still paints a rosy picture for Shell’s ledger. It seems the oil barons have found their silver lining in the dark clouds of geopolitical turmoil, with the World Bank casting a doomsday prophecy of oil prices potentially skyrocketing to an eye-watering $150 a barrel. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Crowns Himself King of the Buyback Bonanza, Sidesteps the Acquisition Arms Race

Nov 2nd, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 2 November 2023

As the world gasps in the shadow of climate calamity, Shell CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged from the shadows, not with a plan to save the planet, but with a scheme to shower shareholders with more silver. In a dazzling display of financial acrobatics, Shell is turning its back on the charm of ‘mega acquisitions’ to play a solo game of Monopoly with its windfall profits.

Sawan, with the finesse of a Vegas high-roller, has bet big on a ‘buyback bonanza’ to keep the cash registers ringing for those with stakes in the game, prioritizing a hefty $3.5 billion repurchase raffle ticket for the next quarter. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Whispers of a BP-Shell super merger

Oct 31st, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 31 October 2023

Once upon a time in a land far, far away from the reality of climate change, the noble knights of Big Oil gallantly rebranded their annual jamboree to “Energy Intelligence,” because, as we all know, changing your name changes your impact on the planet. Meanwhile, our heroes of the hour, Fossil Free London, were throwing a bit of a festive blockade party at the Intercontinental. You might’ve heard of Greta Thunberg? Yeah, she was there, got a badge of honor in the form of a public disorder charge. So large was the fiesta that Shell’s head honcho Wael Sawan had to resort to Zoom to address his oil-loving subjects. How… quaint. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Brilliant Strategy: Cut Green Jobs While Pretending to Care About the Planet

Oct 25th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 25 October 2023

In an awe-inspiring move to really show the world where its priorities lie, Shell has decided to trim down its low-carbon workforce, because who really needs those, right? With the earnest goal of giving profits a loving embrace, Shell announced that it will be cutting at least 15% of jobs at its low-carbon solutions division and giving its hydrogen business the cold shoulder. The mastermind behind this genius plan? CEO Wael Sawan, who’s clearly got a sixth sense for high-profit ventures. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Loving Embrace of Efficiency: Contractors, Who Needs ‘Em?

Oct 20th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan: 20 October 2023

In the latest display of corporate generosity, Shell’s brand-new CEO Wael Sawan is ensuring that hundreds of IT contractors get the chance to experience the world outside of Shell’s illustrious doors. Why? Because nothing screams ‘performance, discipline, and simplification’ like letting a large portion of your workforce go! This strategic move is especially interesting considering permanent staff already find themselves in the minority within some IT teams. Efficiency or a fun game of musical chairs? You decide. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Discovers a Magical New Path to Net Zero Emissions, Shares Soar!

Oct 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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As always, Shell is cordially invited to point out any factual inaccuracies, although we suspect they’re too busy counting their rising profits to bother.

Posted by John Donovan: 17 October 2023

Oh, what a delightful twist in the ever-entertaining saga of Shell’s environmental pursuits! Shell Plc’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged as a visionary leader, unveiling a groundbreaking new approach to achieving net zero emissions. Never mind that the company’s shares are soaring to levels unseen in five years – we have a new pathway to salvation!

Sawan, the brilliant mastermind, clarified the situation with utmost confidence, saying, “For avoidance of doubt, what hasn’t changed is the destination that we have set for ourselves. What has changed is the pathway we’re going to get there.” It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? The destination remains unchanged, but the journey, oh, the journey is now filled with unprecedented twists and turns. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Newest Genius Plan: Fuelling Digital Dreams in Fortnite, Because Why Not?

Oct 6th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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“Nice try, Shell. We’re on to you.”

Posted by John Donovan: 6 October 2023

In what appears to be a “stellar” masterstroke of marketing, the always-environmentally-aware oil giant Shell, which casually announced a quarterly profit of over $5bn, has collaborated with Fortnite creators. Their brilliant move? Paying gamers to pedal their new gasoline, V-Power Nitro+, under the guise of “ultimate road trips”. Ah, nothing says ‘thinking about the youth’s future’ quite like promoting fossil fuels in a virtual realm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Attempts a Heart-to-Heart, but Is Anyone Buying It?

Oct 5th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Posted by John Donovan 5 October 2023

In an astonishing move to show he’s “in touch” with the times, Shell Plc’s Chief Emotional Officer, Wael Sawan, plans a virtual pow-wow to soothe the jittery nerves of his eco-anxious troops. You know, those rightfully concerned about the planet’s future and all.

Remember when Sawan became the darling of environmentalists everywhere by – wait for it – prioritizing shareholder returns and reigniting Shell’s love affair with oil and gas? No? Oh, right, because that didn’t happen. What he did instead was ruffle the feathers of a number of employees, particularly the free thinkers over in the Renewables and Energy Solutions division.

Our dear CEO has kindly invited the Shell family to a little digital tea party titled “A Conversation With Wael” this October 17. The purpose? To “deepen our conversation on the opportunities and dilemmas we face as we position Shell to win in the energy transition,” an invitation bragged. The translation: “Let’s chat about why we’re clinging to our old ways, even though the house is literally on fire.”

Ahead of this riveting rendezvous, employees took to an internal forum. One heroic individual shared their struggle, stating the company’s customer-led approach makes bedtime stories with the kids a tad challenging: “It’s difficult for me to justify to my kids,” they said. Another keen observer noted that recent asset sales had Shell looking less “futuristic” and more “back in my day.” read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Brilliantly “Clean” Plan: Ramping Up LNG While Preaching Net-Zero Gospel

Oct 5th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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…let’s not forget the crown jewel in Shell’s sparkling tiara: its $54bn splurge on BG Group in 2016. Who cares about  environmental criticism? More LNG, more money…

Posted by John Donovan 5 October 2023

In a masterful display of environmental puppetry, Shell, that ever-conscientious guardian of Mother Earth, announced at its capital markets day (amidst tittering from environmentalists) that while they were all about that net zero life, the delicious allure of liquefied natural gas (LNG) was simply too irresistible. After all, what’s a little carbon between friends?

Our beloved Wael Sawan, the fresh captain of the Shell ship, must have missed the memo on actual clean energy. Instead, he sang praises of LNG – you know, that other carbon-emitting fuel. Apparently, the sheer prospect of rolling in green – not from trees but from dollar bills – by investing a cool $4bn a year in LNG projects up to 2025 was just too tantalizing to pass up. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO Defends Unwavering Commitment to Environmental Exploitation”

Oct 3rd, 2023
by John Donovan.
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Who cares about the planet when there are shareholders to appease and profits to be made?

Posted by John Donovan 3 October 2023

In a stunning revelation at the ADIPEC energy conference in Abu Dhabi, Shell’s Chief Executive Officer, Wael Sawan, made it abundantly clear that the company has absolutely no intention of altering its time-tested strategy. 

Yes, you read that right, folks. Shell, the benevolent guardian of the planet, is graciously allowing shareholders to decide if they want to invest in their so-called “low carbon energy options.” It’s heartwarming to see a company that has made billions off fossil fuels suddenly embrace the green revolution with such enthusiasm. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Brilliant Strategy: Ignoring the Environment and Riding the Oil Wave

Sep 30th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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By June, Sawan had a change of heart, and that pledge to cut oil production by 2030? Gone, like yesterday’s news.

Posted by John Donovan 30 Sept 2023

In the thrilling world of oil and gas, where environmental concerns are nothing but a pesky fly to be swatted away, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, is emerging as a true visionary. While the world was distracted by lockdowns and declining industrial activity in March 2020, Shell made a bold move that left us all in awe—well, not really.

You see, in 2021, Shell made a groundbreaking announcement: they would cut their oil production by a whopping 1-2% per year until 2030 and generously toss a few investments into renewables. Naturally, some of us sceptics thought this idea was about as half-baked as a frozen pizza. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Employees Shockingly Expect Oil Giant to Prioritize Renewables Over Profit

Sep 27th, 2023
by John Donovan.
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It’s almost as if these employees think that transitioning to renewable energy is more important than, say, maximizing profits from fossil fuels. How quaint!

Posted by John Donovan 27 Sept 2023

In a mind-boggling display of naivety, some Shell employees have had the audacity to openly express concerns about the company’s energy transition strategy. They’ve even had the nerve to urge CEO Wael Sawan not to retreat from renewables! Can you believe it?

In an open letter that probably sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Shell’s corporate headquarters, two employees from Shell’s low-carbon division dared to share their thoughts. The letter made its way onto the company’s intranet, sparking what we can only imagine was a lively debate among Shell executives about whether or not the Earth is flat. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
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