British Museum Gratefully Embraces BP’s ‘Green’ Millions for Grand Makeover

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Dec 2023

In a move that screams “We’re totally in sync with the times,” the British Museum has gleefully jumped into bed with BP, the poster child for environmental mindfulness, for a modest sum of £50m. This cash injection is to fund what’s being touted as the most ambitious arts and crafts project since Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

BP, known far and wide for their green fingers and a heart for the planet, will generously fund the museum’s “masterplan.” This plan, which could be mistaken for a Bond villain’s scheme for world domination, is estimated to cost a meager £1bn. And who better to foot the bill than a company renowned for its love of Mother Earth?

In this audacious display of modernity, the museum plans to give its Bloomsbury building a facelift, because what’s more important than looking good? The museum proudly proclaims the project’s “scale, complexity, and importance,” seemingly forgetting to mention the ‘irony’ aspect.

Chris Garrard, from Culture Unstained, clearly missing the joke, called the deal “astonishingly out of touch” and “completely indefensible.” He seems to think that signing a deal with a company known for its contributions to climate change in 2023 is akin to “burying your head in the sand.” But hey, maybe BP is just really good at hide and seek.

The museum, undeterred by pesky protestors who just don’t get the humour, maintains that this deal is the biggest ever single donation to the UK’s cultural sector. Because when you’re fixing up an old building, it’s the size of the cheque that counts, not the source, right?

Environmentalists are up in arms, accusing BP of trying to greenwash its reputation. Doug Parr from Greenpeace points out the role such sponsorship plays in scrubbing clean BP’s not-so-eco-friendly image. But, come on, everyone deserves a second chance… or a third… or a fourth.

The British Museum’s spokesperson, demonstrating a masterclass in missing the point, stated that significant financial support was needed to ensure the museum’s future. Because, apparently, the only way to save culture is to partner with those who have a knack for endangering the planet.

BP’s Louise Kingham chimes in, touting the company’s pride in this partnership. After all, aligning with a business with such a storied history of environmental conscientiousness is surely the museum’s most logical step yet.

In conclusion, the British Museum has clearly shown that when it comes to preserving history and culture, the ends justify the means, even if those means are drenched in oil. Cheers to another decade of BP’s ‘green’ largesse!

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