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Shell: Masters of Environmental Destruction, Not So Keen on New York Relisting Right Now

Posted 2 May 2024 by John Donovan

In a stunning display of corporate benevolence, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan announced that the oil behemoth is graciously not considering relisting in New York at the moment. How thoughtful! Instead, they’re laser-focused on buying back shares, because apparently, that’s what the world needs more of—Shell shares.

Sawan, in a call with analysts, outlined Shell’s noble mission to bridge the valuation gap with its U.S. rivals. Because, you know, when you’re already swimming in oil money, why not aim for even more obscene profits? “We will always have something like a listing or other elements under review,” Sawan remarked, as if to say, “We’re always on the lookout for new ways to exploit the planet.”

And just in case you were wondering, Shell’s shares are currently trading below “fair market value,” according to Sawan. Well, gosh darn it, we can’t have that, can we? Because when you’re a ruthless polluter, it’s crucial that your stock price reflects your true worth as a destroyer of ecosystems.

So, let’s raise a glass to Shell, the company that’s not just in it for the money—they’re also in it for the sheer audacity of it all. Cheers to you, Shell, for reminding us that when it comes to corporate greed and environmental devastation, you truly are in a league of your own.

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