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Shell’s Seafaring Carnival of Fossil Fools: A Masterclass in Eco-Friendly Hypocrisy

Posted by John Donovan: 3 May 2024

In a stunning display of eco-friendly acrobatics, Shell and its cohorts are ramping up offshore drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, reassuring us that it’s all for the noble cause of emitting slightly less greenhouse gases. Apparently, drilling in the ocean is like a diet version of environmental destruction.

The pièce de résistance? A colossal floating platform named Appomattox, proudly owned by Shell, bobbing about 80 miles off Louisiana’s coast like a monument to human hubris. It’s a real-life version of “Waterworld,” minus Kevin Costner’s rugged charm.

Why this sudden urge to dive deeper into the ocean floor for oil and gas? Well, according to Shell’s chief executive, Wael Sawan, the world will still be chugging oil like it’s going out of style in 2050. Ah, the nostalgia of poisoning the planet!

But fear not, dear Earthlings! Shell insists that drilling in the ocean is a stroke of genius. They argue that it’s way better for the planet than ravaging land-based ecosystems. Sure, because nothing says “environmental stewardship” like potentially catastrophic oil spills and disrupting marine life.

And let’s not forget the cherry on top: Shell’s profound dedication to reducing emissions! Because when you’re busy plundering the depths of the ocean, it’s crucial to appear eco-conscious. Never mind the inconvenient truth that burning fossil fuels is the real environmental nightmare.

But hey, according to Shell, everything’s peachy keen now because technology has made offshore drilling safer than ever. They even have floating cities of oil workers living in a perpetual 14-day Groundhog Day, basking in the glory of their contribution to climate change.

And guess what? Shell isn’t alone in this aquatic extravaganza! BP, Chevron, and other oil behemoths are joining the party, proving once and for all that corporate greed knows no bounds.

But fear not, fellow inhabitants of this fragile blue orb! While Shell may be doubling down on its oceanic conquests, they’re also planning to dabble in the world of electric vehicles. Nothing screams “environmental saviour” like closing a few gas stations and installing some charging points.

So, let’s raise a toast to Shell and its merry band of fossil fuel enthusiasts, bravely sailing toward a future where profits reign supreme, and the planet… well, who cares about that anyway?

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