Shell & BP Executives Indicted? Finally Someone’s Asking WTF Are They Still Getting Away With?

Shell & BP Executives Indicted? Finally, Someone’s Asking WTF Are They Still Getting Away With?

Because climate collapse apparently pays better than justice.

Ah, Shell and BP—the oil-stained darlings of the stock market, the poster children of unchecked corporate excess, and the absolute masters of torching the planet while patting themselves on the back for it. This week, in a rare moment of clarity from the reality-based world, draft indictments were hand-delivered to the Crown Prosecution Service, accusing top executives at Shell and BP of public nuisance. Aww, just a nuisance? That’s cute. We’re sure the understatement will comfort the flooded homes, blistering heatwaves, and collapsing food systems caused by fossil fuel emissions.

Climate activists, choosing paperwork over pitchforks (for now), submitted the indictments instead of attempting more citizen’s arrests—because let’s face it, Shell’s top brass have Houdini’d out of their own HQs. Apparently, after three execs at Harbour Energy, Enquest, and Serica Energy were citizen-nabbed earlier this week, Shell and BP leadership decided to ghost their central London offices entirely. You’d think they were being served something serious. Oh wait—they were.

In a breathtaking display of “we don’t care and we know you can’t stop us,” Shell and BP together emit carbon dioxide like it’s a competitive sport. Shell? Oh, just 50 million times the emissions of the average UK citizen. BP? A humble 30 million times. But hey, when you’re shovelling out £17.7 billion (BP) and £8 billion (Shell) in shareholder dividends, what’s a little global catastrophe between friends?

And speaking of friends, let’s not forget BlackRock, one of Shell’s biggest investors. You know, the ones who love to talk ESG out of one side of their mouth while quietly propping up the very companies frying the Earth from the other. Because nothing says “sustainable” like cashing in on collapsing ecosystems.

Danielle McHallam, who delivered Shell’s indictment, put it plainly: “Climate change is a public nuisance and must be addressed at the source.” Translation: Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan is steering a flaming juggernaut straight through the climate crisis while pocketing £5 million a year. But do go on about personal responsibility and reusable coffee cups.

Meanwhile, BP—because of course—has slashed its renewable energy budget from £4bn to a paltry £1.5bn, and just casually postponed its emissions reduction goal from 2030 to 2050. That’s fine, right? The Earth can totally hold its breath another 20 years. Oh, and they’re boosting oil and gas investment by £8bn a year, because when you’re already playing villain, you might as well go full Bond movie.

Rev Helen Burnett, who handed BP their indictment, hit the bullseye: the legal system is currently protecting the powerful while failing the most vulnerable. If the law can’t hold these fossil-fueled barons to account, what exactly is it good for?

This flurry of legal action comes hot on the heels of citizens’ arrests of top execs not only in oil but in the UK’s gloriously leaky water industry too. Serica, Harbour, Enquest, and even Thames Water’s top suits have all had their moment of handcuffed humility. Not that anything seems to stop the climate criminals from cashing in—just maybe now, they’ll have to think twice before showing their faces in public.

But Shell and BP? Still polluting. Still profiting. Still backed by investors who pretend not to notice the smoke billowing from their dividends.

So the next time your energy bill skyrockets or your crops drown in an “unseasonal” flood, just remember: Wael Sawan and friends are doing just fine. And somewhere in a mahogany-lined boardroom, they’re laughing all the way to the apocalypse.

WTF indeed.

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