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Will Shell Finally Swallow BP?

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This article was generated with the support of AI and reviewed by an editor for factual accuracy and satirical tone.

The fossil fuel fanfiction nobody asked for is back: Shell might finally devour BP — in what could become the biggest unholy alliance since, well… Shell and apartheid South Africa.

That’s right: after years of flirting and fumbling, the dirtiest merger fantasy in Big Oil is once again swirling through boardrooms and Bloomberg alerts.

Why now? Because activist hedge fund Elliott Management just bought a nearly 5% stake in BP and immediately demanded a boardroom bloodletting. Cue another round of speculation that Shell, Chevron, ADNOC, or some other oil-drunk conglomerate might swoop in and “rescue” BP from its decade-long identity crisis. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

WTF Is Shell Whining About Now? Australia Dares Suggest Gas Should Help Australians—Cue Oil Giant Meltdown

Apr 2nd, 2025

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Enter Irina Woodhead, a former Shell technical safety engineer who had the audacity to suggest that maybe—just maybe—ignoring safety protocols on a floating gas bomb was a bad idea. She raised concerns about Prelude’s emergency protocols, only to be shown the door faster than you can say “whistleblower retaliation.

Ah, Shell. The oil-stained poster child of unhinged corporate greed, environmental catastrophe, and staggering audacity. Alongside its equally charming BFFs ExxonMobil and Chevron, Shell is now losing its ever-loving mind over a radical, totally outlandish proposal: that some of the gas they’re hoarding and shipping offshore might actually be used to keep Australians warm and the lights on.

You know, in Australia. Where the gas comes from.

But don’t worry, Shell’s top brass is here to explain why that’s a very bad idea—for them, obviously. read more

Shell’s Slow-Motion Oil Orgy: How to Kill the Planet and Still Get a Bonus

Mar 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

Well, well, well—look who’s back at it. Shell, the undisputed heavyweight champion of environmental disregard, has once again reminded us that its idea of “transition” involves moving from one yacht to another, not from oil to renewables. Welcome to the age of Big Oil’s “managed decline,” which is just a posh way of saying: we’re scaling down investment in the future so we can keep setting fire to the present more profitably.

Let’s cut through the fossil-fuel fog: Shell, the ultimate sin stock (proudly held by climate-conscience titans like BlackRock), has decided to lower its annual spending target to $20–22 billion through 2028, down from the already-not-exactly-ambitious $22–25 billion. At the same time, it has graciously committed to keeping oil output flat at 1.4 million barrels per day—because what’s good for emissions is good for business, right? read more

Shell’s “Successful Failure”: Still Failing, But With Even Bigger Bonuses

Mar 26th, 2025

by admin.

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Courtesy of Global Witness

CEO Wael Sawan says his strategy is working — if you define ‘working’ as slashing renewables, kneeling to Wall Street, and praying the Trump administration sticks around.

Shell — the fossil-fueled titan that never met a barrel of oil it didn’t want to burn — has declared its latest strategy a “successful failure.” Which is corporate code for: We didn’t achieve what we said we would, but we did make rich people richer, so that counts, right?

Two years into CEO Wael Sawan’s so-called “10-quarter sprint” to remake Shell into a leaner, meaner profit machine, the results are in: read more

Shell to Britain: “Give Us BP or We’re Moving to Wall Street”

Mar 24th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

Shell — global climate villain and gold medalist in greenwashing — is once again proving that when you’re Europe’s biggest oil giant, the only thing more bloated than your balance sheet is your ego.

The company is now considering (read: publicly dangling) the idea of delisting from the London Stock Exchange and fleeing to the New York Stock Exchange, where oil executives are still treated like gods instead of environmental pariahs.

Shell CEO Wael Sawan, whose idea of energy transition is “less wind, more gas,” is apparently sick and tired of those pesky British investors not worshipping Shell’s “financial performance” — i.e. record profits extracted from the overheating planet. read more

Big Oil’s Supreme Court Tantrum: Shell & Friends Get Smacked Down

Mar 11th, 2025

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Well, well, well. It looks like Shell—along with its equally virtuous partners in climate destruction, Exxon, Chevron, BP, and ConocoPhillips—just took another legal hit. And not just any hit, but a nice, satisfying rejection from the U.S. Supreme Court. That’s right, the highest court in the land just told Big Oil’s fan club (otherwise known as 19 Republican attorneys general) to sit down and stop whining.

These oil-soaked litigators, led by Alabama’s Attorney General Steve Marshall, were trying to shut down climate lawsuits brought by California, Connecticut, Minnesota, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. These states, you see, dared to suggest that oil companies shouldn’t have lied to the public for decades about how burning fossil fuels would set the planet on fire. Telling the truth is still a radical concept in the fossil fuel world.

But let’s be clear: Shell and its industry pals are not about to take responsibility for anything. Because if they did, they might have to dip into the endless cash reserves that keep rolling in thanks to their top-tier enablers—like BlackRock and Vanguard. That’s right, these fine investment giants keep plowing money into Shell’s pockets, ensuring that the oil giant can continue its legacy of pollution, deception, and lobbying for regulatory loopholes. read more

Shell’s Shaky Business: Now Predicting Its Own Earthquakes!

Mar 11th, 2025

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Ah, Shell—forever innovating new ways to ruin lives, one gas field at a time. The latest breakthrough? Science has now made it easier to predict the earthquakes caused by Shell and its fossil-fuel-loving friends in the Groningen region. That’s right—thanks to decades of unchecked greed and relentless gas extraction, we can now forecast when and where the next disaster will strike. What a win for modern research!

This delightful revelation comes courtesy of researcher Zhuldyzay Baki, who has found a way to analyze the seismic mess Shell and its drilling partners have inflicted upon the Netherlands. Her work at the University of Twente combines statistical models with geological insights to track the correlation between underground pressure drops (caused by, you guessed it, gas extraction) and earthquake intensity. Turns out, the areas where Shell has sucked the most gas out of the earth are the same ones where people’s homes are cracking apart. Who could have possibly predicted that? Oh wait, literally everyone who warned about this for years. read more

Shell + BP Merger: The Ultimate Oil Giant Monopoly No One Asked For

Feb 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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…whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy…

Because what the world really needs right now is an even bigger, greedier, more polluting oil conglomerate, whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy. The proposed deal, which would create a $300 billion fossil fuel monstrosity, is being compared to ExxonMobil’s takeover of Pioneer Natural Resources and Chevron’s grab of Hess. In other words, Big Oil is doubling down on destruction, and Shell and BP don’t want to be left behind.

A Shell-BP merger would create an empire capable of taking on ExxonMobil ($480 billion market cap) and Chevron ($282 billion), solidifying its place among the biggest climate criminals on the planet. Supporters claim consolidation will magically bring “efficiencies” and “financial resilience,” while conveniently ignoring the inevitable job cuts, regulatory nightmares, and intensified climate devastation. Antitrust regulators might object, but when has that ever stopped the oil industry from bulldozing over public interest? read more

Should BP and Shell merge?

Feb 22nd, 2025

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If the goal is to accelerate environmental devastation, lay off thousands of workers, and cement Big Oil’s death grip on global energy policy, then sure—go right ahead.

Nothing screams “brighter future” like two of the UK’s most notorious polluters joining forces to double down on destruction. That’s right—some investment bankers and analysts, never ones to let a good environmental catastrophe go to waste, are floating the idea of a BP-Shell merger. The goal? To create a “national champion” capable of competing with the likes of France’s TotalEnergies and American titans ExxonMobil and Chevron. Because, obviously, the world needs another corporate Goliath ramping up oil extraction while sprinkling in just enough greenwashing to keep up appearances. read more

Shell and Exxon’s Gas Profits Shake Groningen—Literally

Feb 15th, 2025

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Nothing Says “Sustainable Business” Like an Earthquake Every Few Months

It’s another day, another earthquake in Groningen, where decades of reckless gas extraction by Shell and ExxonMobil’s joint venture, NAM, have left the ground as unstable as their ethical standards. This time, a 2.2 magnitude quake hit the town of Usquert just after midnight, shaking homes, rattling windows, and waking residents with a hard, dull thud. Coincidentally, that’s also the sound of Shell executives ignoring accountability.

“Induced Earthquakes”: Just a Fancy Term for Corporate Destruction

The KNMI meteorological institute wasted no time in confirming what everyone already knew: this was an “induced earthquake,” meaning it wasn’t some random act of nature—it was a direct consequence of Shell and ExxonMobil sucking every last drop of gas from the earth, leaving behind a crumbling foundation. read more

Shell and the Art of Unholy Greed: BP’s Fumbling CEO Faces Judgment Day

Jan 19th, 2025

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Posted by John Donovan: 19 Jan 25.

What the fk is going on at BP?**

Murray Auchincloss, the latest placeholder in BP’s revolving door of CEOs, is heading for his judgment day. Investors are sharpening their knives, and on February 26, they might just gut his tenure like a sacrificial lamb. Why? Because unlike Shell—the ultimate sin stock, the Exxon of Europe, the undisputed king of greed—BP has been fumbling its way through an identity crisis. And investors? They’ve had enough of BP’s weak attempts at greenwashing when there’s good old-fashioned oil money to be made. read more

New York City Takes on Big Oil and Gets Smacked by Big Oil Logic

Jan 15th, 2025

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Posted by John Donovan; 15 January 25

In the latest episode of “Corporate Giants Always Win,” New York City’s lawsuit against the holy trinity of environmental destruction—Exxon, BP, and Shell—was dismissed faster than you can say “greenwashing.” If you thought justice might take a stand against these polluting powerhouses, think again. Turns out, climate accountability in the U.S. courts is just a mirage, much like Shell’s commitment to renewable energy.

The Case: New York vs. Oil Titans read more

Shell Dumps $2.4 Billion Nigerian Assets, Doubles Down on Deepwater Destruction

Dec 19th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 19 Dec 2024

Well, isn’t this just rich. Shell Plc, the oily overlord of environmental devastation, has finally managed to offload $2.4 billion worth of Nigerian assets to Renaissance Group, after being given the go-ahead by Nigeria’s oil minister. You know, the same oil minister who, just two months ago, hit the brakes on Shell’s attempt to bail on its onshore and shallow-water operations in the Niger Delta. But apparently, a couple of months—and maybe a few “persuasive” conversations—were all it took for Shell to get the approval it needed. read more

Shell: Because One Billion Barrels of Nigerian Oil Just Wasn’t Enough

Dec 17th, 2024

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Posted by John Donovan: 17 Dec 2024

Ah, Shell. The gift that keeps on giving… to its shareholders, at least. The planet? Local communities? Nigeria’s long-suffering environment? Oh, they’ll just have to suck it up—quite literally—because Shell’s back at it again with its shiny new toy: the Bonga North Oil Project.

That’s right, folks. Shell Nigeria Exploration and Production Co. Ltd. (SNEPCo)—Shell’s lovingly ruthless Nigerian arm—has given the go-ahead to drill, baby, drill in deep waters off Nigeria’s coast. Because when you’ve already sucked one billion barrels of oil out of a single deepwater field, you naturally look around and think, “What’s next? More barrels, obviously.” read more

Shell’s Renewable Retreat: Why Save the Planet When Profits Are This Good?

Nov 20th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 20 Nov 24

Ah, Shell — the corporate personification of “Why try when you can cash in?” Remember when they promised to save the planet? Yeah, neither do they. Turns out, pivoting to renewables isn’t nearly as lucrative as just sticking to the same old planet-choking business model. And if there’s one thing Shell and its friends at BlackRock love more than a warm, thriving planet, it’s cold, hard cash.

Profits Over Planet: The Fossil Fuel Formula

Let’s rewind to 2020, when oil prices tanked, and fossil fuel giants were scrambling like toddlers caught with crayons on the wall. With demand in free fall, companies like Shell suddenly discovered their “green hearts” and started making grandiose pledges to curb emissions and embrace renewables. But fast forward to today, and it’s clear those pledges were little more than a PR stunt. read more

Oil Giants Shell and Exxon Dump Groningen Like a Bad Date

Nov 16th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 16 November 2024

In yet another move that screams “corporate villainy,” Shell and its BFF ExxonMobil, under their joint venture NAM, have officially noped out of their responsibility to help Groningen recover from decades of destruction. You know, the region they gleefully exploited for gas, leaving behind a legacy of earthquakes, shattered homes, and residents who probably Google “how to stop tectonic betrayal” every other week.

The Dutch “Debt of Honour” They’d Rather Forget read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

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…whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy…

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If the goal is to accelerate environmental devastation, lay off thousands of workers, and cement Big Oil’s death grip on global energy policy, then sure—go right ahead.

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Nothing Says “Sustainable Business” Like an Earthquake Every Few Months

“Induced Earthquakes”: Just a Fancy Term for Corporate Destruction

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What the f**k is going on at BP?

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What the fk is going on at BP?**