WTF, Shell? From Saving the Planet to Saving Their Wallets

Posted by John Donovan: 6 Dec 2024

In the latest episode of Corporate Malfeasance: Climate Edition, Shell—everyone’s favorite destroyer of worlds—is backing away from offshore wind investments because, well, it’s just not profitable enough for their bottomless greed. CEO Wael Sawan, apparently inspired by Scrooge McDuck, has decided that low-carbon energy isn’t where the money is. Oil, gas, and biofuels? Jackpot! Saving the planet? Meh, let someone else take the loss.

Splitting Shell Energy: Two Units, Zero Morals

Shell Energy, the division allegedly focused on renewables and power generation, is being split into two Frankenstein units: one for power generation and one for trading. Because, of course, nothing says “we care about the environment” like dividing your energy transition strategy into bite-sized chunks to better dismantle it.

Here’s Shell’s take on offshore wind: “While we will not lead new offshore wind developments, we remain interested in offtakes where commercial terms are acceptable and are cautiously open to equity positions, if there is a compelling investment case.” Translation: If it doesn’t print money fast enough, Shell is out. Saving the planet? That’s someone else’s unpaid internship.

The Big Review: Profits Over Progress

Sawan’s so-called “extensive review” of Shell’s business, launched in 2023, has a clear goal: reduce costs and pump profits. Unfortunately for the rest of humanity, this means slashing renewable energy investments and doubling down on fossil fuels. You know, the stuff responsible for climate change. Offshore wind projects in the U.S. and South Korea? Axed. High-return oil and gas? Full steam ahead!

It’s almost poetic: Shell once marketed itself as a pioneer in offshore wind, claiming their decades of experience in offshore oil and gas gave them a leg up in the renewables market. Turns out, that experience is now being used to efficiently backpedal on every meaningful commitment to clean energy.

Excuses, Excuses

Sure, the offshore wind sector has faced challenges: soaring costs, supply chain issues, rising interest rates. But instead of stepping up and innovating through these obstacles, Shell decided to pull the ripcord and let someone else deal with the mess. Meanwhile, they’ll happily continue exploiting fossil fuels because, let’s be real, oil is their one true love.

Big Investors: Happy to Cash In

And who’s cheering this move from the sidelines? Shell’s mega-investors, of course. Heavy hitters like BlackRock and Vanguard are surely toasting their champagne glasses, delighted by Shell’s renewed commitment to short-term profits over long-term survival. After all, who cares about global warming when your portfolio is up?

The Final Nail in the Offshore Coffin

Shell claims they’ll keep working on projects that are already underway. How noble. But don’t get your hopes up—this is the same company that has made retreating from climate responsibility an art form. The writing is on the wall: Shell isn’t here to save the planet; they’re here to wring every last cent out of it before the whole thing goes up in flames.

Bravo, Shell: World-Class Villains

Let’s give Shell a slow clap for once again proving they’re the ultimate sin stock. Their decision to sideline renewables in favor of fossil fuels is not just short-sighted; it’s a deliberate middle finger to the future. While the world struggles to stave off climate catastrophe, Shell’s strategy can be summed up in three words: profits over people.

So, congratulations to Shell, Wael Sawan, and their loyal investors. You’ve won the race to the bottom. But don’t worry, you can always count your money in the smog-filled wasteland you’re leaving behind.

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