Shell, Exxon, and Friends Still Chasing African Oil: Because Who Needs a Planet When You Can Pillage One

Ah, Shell and ExxonMobil—the undisputed kings of environmental devastation—are back at it again! This time, they’re teaming up with Petrobras, Brazil’s state-run oil giant, to grace Africa with their toxic touch. Yes, because what Africa really needs right now is more foreign oil companies swooping in to exploit its natural resources. It’s like watching vultures circle a dying animal, except the animal is the entire planet.

Petrobras Wants in on the Action—Because Clearly There’s Not Enough Oil Being Sucked Out of the Earth Yet

In their latest move, Petrobras is in talks to grab stakes in African oil exploration blocks, because why focus on Brazil when you can just extend your polluting empire across continents? According to Sylvia dos Anjos, Petrobras’s head of exploration, the company is looking at 10 “exciting” opportunities in places like Namibia, South Africa, and Angola. Because, clearly, the only thing the world needs more of is drilling in pristine environments.

Petrobras is trying to flaunt its deepwater drilling expertise—like that’s something to brag about—and is eyeing a 40% stake in the Mopane oil field in Namibia. What could possibly go wrong? Oh right, an environmental catastrophe. But hey, let’s just ignore that for now, shall we?

Same Shit, Different Continent: Shell’s African Tour

Shell, the ultimate sin stock, has already sold Petrobras some minority stakes in oil blocks off the coast of Sao Tome and Principe. These volcanic islands are apparently geologically similar to Guyana, which means, of course, Shell can’t resist the temptation to dig deeper into Africa’s resources, leaving behind pollution, corruption, and economic inequality in its wake.

But don’t worry, folks—Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, had a cozy meeting with Brazil’s President Lula in New York. How sweet. Nothing like a bit of political handshaking while you plot your next environmental heist.

Let’s All Pretend This Is About Geology

Petrobras, in its attempt to dress up this oil-thirsty rampage as something scientific, has the audacity to talk about Africa and South America’s shared geology from 100 million years ago. Because yes, let’s use ancient tectonic plates as an excuse for modern exploitation. Apparently, the Namibian and South American coasts are “geologically similar,” so Petrobras just has to drill there. Sure, guys, it’s totally about the rocks and not at all about making obscene profits at the expense of the environment.

TotalEnergies and Exxon Join the Club—Because Why Not?

TotalEnergies and Exxon are also jumping into this African free-for-all. Because why let Shell and Petrobras have all the fun? There’s oil to be drilled and money to be made, so who cares if the climate is collapsing around us? These companies are so committed to burning down the planet that they’re practically racing each other to see who can do it faster.

Let’s Not Forget Vaca Muerta—Because Apparently, the World Isn’t Polluted Enough

Oh, and in case African exploitation wasn’t enough, Petrobras is also eyeing Argentina’s Vaca Muerta shale region. It’s all part of a cunning plan to boost natural gas supplies—because clearly, the only logical response to a global climate crisis is to double down on fossil fuels. Petrobras has even had talks with companies like Tecpetrol and YPF to share development costs, which is code for “we’re all in this together, destroying the planet for profit!”

But Don’t Worry, They Won’t Go Back to Venezuela—Too Much Pollution There Already!

Petrobras has standards, though. They’re not returning to Venezuela, where Lake Maracaibo is apparently drowning in so much oil that even these hardened polluters are horrified. Yes, Petrobras draws the line at oil-drenched lakes. Because if you’re going to destroy the planet, at least do it somewhere new, right?

So there you have it, folks. Shell, Exxon, Petrobras, and the whole gang are continuing their worldwide tour of destruction, this time targeting Africa. But don’t worry, it’s all under the guise of “exploration” and “partnerships,” because nothing says “we care about the planet” like drilling holes in it for profit.

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.