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Oil Prices

Shell to Bid Farewell to South Africa?

Posted by John Donovan: 5 May 2024

In a plot twist worthy of a soap opera finale, Shell, the oil behemoth with a heart as black as its crude, is reportedly packing its bags and bidding a tearful farewell to South Africa. Because when you’ve spent over a century plundering resources and polluting with abandon, what’s one more continent left in your wake?

According to reports that sound more like the stuff of urban legends than corporate reality, Shell is set to divest its whopping 72% stake in Shell Downstream South Africa. Cue the dramatic music as Shell’s BEE partner, Thebe Investments, watches its dreams of oily riches slip through its fingers like so much spilt petrol. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Throws Cash Fiesta for Shareholders as Profits Take a ‘Modest’ Dip

“As we enter 2024, we are continuing to simplify our organization with a focus on delivering more value with less emissions,” proclaimed Wael Sawan, Shell’s chief executive, presumably with a straight face.

Posted by John Donovan: 1 Feb 24

In the latest saga of “Billionaires at Play,” Shell, the oil behemoth with a heart of coal, has graciously announced a titanic profit of only $28.2 billion for 2023, a tear-jerking decrease from its 2022 high of $39.9 billion. Cue the violins, as this marks a somber moment in Shell’s 115-year history of environmental philanthropy.

As oil and gas prices took a nap last year, Shell’s profits decided to join them, resulting in a mere $7.3 billion in the last quarter, a figure that somehow still managed to exceed the low expectations of analysts. “As we enter 2024, we are continuing to simplify our organization with a focus on delivering more value with less emissions,” proclaimed Wael Sawan, Shell’s chief executive, presumably with a straight face. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays Green Dress-Up for Shareholders While Profits Take a Dive

Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet.

Posted by John Donovan: 31 Jan 24

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for the latest episode of “Shell’s Green Masquerade.” While Shell has been playing the quiet game, BP’s former finance boss-turned-chief executive, Murray Auchincloss, has been hogging the spotlight. But fear not, Shell hasn’t been napping. They’ve been laser-focused on the most important thing in the universe: shareholder returns.

In a heartwarming message to analysts last June, Shell reassured everyone, “We need to continue to create profitable business models that can be scaled at pace to truly impact the de-carbonisation of the global energy system.” Translation: Let’s make money while pretending we care about the planet. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s AGM: Shareholders Demand Climate Action, Shell Prefers Business as Usual

Posted by John Donovan: 17 Jan 24

Once upon a time, in the magical world of Big Oil, Shell faced a rebellion not from environmentalists, but from its own shareholders. Yes, you heard it right! The company known for its gentle, loving embrace of the environment is being asked by its investors, including the UK’s biggest pension scheme, to set bigger emissions targets. It’s like asking a dragon to be vegan, but hey, miracles can happen!

Twenty-seven investors, clearly in a moment of climate-conscious epiphany, have backed a resolution by the daring Dutch activists at Follow This. Their mission? To get Shell to align with the Paris Agreement. Mark van Baal, founder of Follow This, must feel like David facing Goliath, except this Goliath wears a suit and loves oil more than cookies. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

DISCLAIMER: Content published on this non-commercial platform may incorporate information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means, including translation and information published on Wikipedia. The articles presented may be satirical adaptations derived from one or more previously published sources, crafted to maintain factual accuracy while incorporating elements of satire. Individuals or entities mentioned in our articles are encouraged to notify us of any inaccuracies that may require rectification. Readers are advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays the ‘Cool Uncle’ Card: Luring Gen Z with Games and Influencers While Glossing Over Fossil Fuels

Shell, the ever-so-clever fox, asserts that their ad blitz is all about showcasing their role in both traditional fuels and renewables. After all, who wouldn’t want to know about the great things a fossil fuel giant is doing in the age of climate crisis?

Posted by John Donovan: 10 November 2023

In an epic display of keeping up with the kids, Shell, the oil and gas behemoth, is donning its hippest hat to woo the young’uns. What better way to endear oneself to a generation terrified of climate change than by hopping onto Instagram, gaming platforms, and influencer bandwagons?

“I am fuelled by the ocean,” proclaims Sage Erickson, a champion surfer with 310,000 Instagram disciples, in a Shell-backed video. She talks about instilling noble values in the youth, while artfully side-stepping any mention of Shell or its fossil fuel-centric agenda. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s ‘obscene’ $5bn profits

While Europe swelters in record-breaking heat, Shell stays cool as a cucumber and defiantly plans to increase oil and gas production. It’s heartwarming to witness such dedication to contributing to the climate crisis while lining their own pockets. Truly, a match made in heaven.

Posted by John Donovan: July 27, 2023

In a stunning display of corporate restraint, British oil giant Shell reported a mere $5.1 billion in profits for the second quarter, triggering waves of gratitude and appreciation from climate activists across the globe. The figures came as a pleasant surprise, as analysts had anticipated an even higher windfall of $6 billion. Oh, Shell, you’ve truly outdone yourself!

Environmental campaigners, whose hearts are bursting with joy, condemned the profit figures as “obscene.” They simply can’t contain their delight as they watch Shell prioritize its shareholders’ happiness over the health of our planet. How thoughtful! And let’s not forget the beautiful billboard lovingly erected by Greenpeace activists outside Shell’s London headquarters, with the message “Our profit, your loss.” Such a touching sentiment! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Misfortune: Profit Plummet as Oil Prices Dip

Posted by JOHN DONOVAN: July 23, 2023

Oh dear, oh dear! What a dreadful turn of events for poor, poor Shell! Brace yourselves for the heart-wrenching news, folks. The ruthless, money-hungry oil giant, Shell, is facing a tragic fate – its profits are about to HALVE! Yes, you heard that right! This pitiful predicament comes as a result of a “slump” in oil and gas prices.

How unfortunate for the poor souls at Shell, who are used to swimming in their overflowing cash reserves. But fret not! Even amidst this so-called “crisis,” Shell still finds ways to soothe its aching shareholders and is expected to raise its dividend and offer share buybacks. Because who needs financial stability when you can temporarily placate your investors?

In 2022, Shell bathed in the glory of record-breaking profits, boasting a staggering £9 billion for the second quarter. But alas, 2023 has brought a cruel twist of fate, with analysts predicting a measly £4.7 billion profit for the same period this year. Poor Shell, how will it ever survive? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Celebrates Sky-High Profits While the World Burns

Greenpeace Demands Climate Accountability: Shell seems unfazed, pouring billions into the pockets of shareholders while the world burns.

POSTED BY JOHN DONOVAN JULY 22, 2023

Shell, the unapologetic polluting behemoth, is set to announce yet another round of astronomical profits, thanks to its reckless exploitation of oil and gas. With profits soaring to billions, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, shamelessly dismisses environmental concerns and slashes green targets. Meanwhile, the world experiences catastrophic climate events, from scorching heatwaves to devastating floods. Greenpeace demands that Shell takes responsibility for the climate havoc it has caused and pays into the Loss and Damage fund, rather than pouring billions into shareholders’ pockets. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell announces ‘obscene’ £7,6400,000,000 profit for first quarter of the year

Metro.co.uk

Shell announces ‘obscene’ £7,6400,000,000 profit for first quarter of the year

Kirsten Robertson: Thursday 4 May 2023 8:54 am

Oil giant Shell made nearly £1.4 billion more in profit than experts had expected in the first three months of the year, the company said today.

The business joined its rival BP in reporting expectations-beating results this week.

Shell said that its adjusted earnings had risen by 5.7% compared to the same quarter a year earlier, reaching £7.6 billion.

Like its rival BP, Shell’s results immediately sparked calls for the Government to take a tougher stance against the oil majors. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Reports $9.6 Billion Profit, Despite Falling Oil Prices

THE NEW YORK TIMES

Shell Reports $9.6 Billion Profit, Despite Falling Oil Price

: Reporting from London: May 4, 2023, 6:04 a.m. E

Shell, Europe’s largest energy company, said Thursday that its profit jumped 6 percent in the first quarter to $9.6 billion, a sign that the company remains hugely profitable, even with oil prices under pressure.

The company’s earnings, adjusted for items like divestitures, were below the record of $11.5 billion set in the second quarter of 2022, but they still exceeded analysts’ forecasts. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment energy meters last year while making £32bn in profits

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment energy meters last year while making £32bn in profit

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment meters in the UK last year as the international oil and gas giant made more than £32bn in profits.

The firm on Wednesday posted additional profits of almost £7.7bn in the first quarter of this year amid soaring oil and gas prices

.It was reported in February that Shell’s overall profits had soared to £32.2bn last year – the highest in the oil and gas giant’s 115-year history – as millions of Britons struggled to pay their energy bills. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil giant Shell beats expectations with $9.6 billion in first-quarter profit

Oil giant Shell beats expectations with $9.6 billion in first-quarter profit

: CNBC

British oil giant Shell on Thursday posted stronger-than-anticipated first-quarter profit, extending a record run of bumper results after commodity prices surged in 2022 following Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine.

Shell reported adjusted earnings of $9.6 billion for the first three months of the year, comfortably beating analyst expectations of $8.6 billion, according to Refinitiv.

The company posted adjusted earnings of $9.1 billion over the same period a year earlier and $9.8 billion for the final three months of 2022.

Shares of the oil major are little changed year-to-date.

Flush with cash, Shell held the rate of its share buyback program steady at $4 billion over the next three months and kept its dividend unchanged at $0.2875 per share. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Advocacy group accuses Shell of ‘greenwashing’ and misleading investors in SEC complaint

The Washington Post

Advocacy group accuses Shell of ‘greenwashing’ and misleading investors in SEC complaint

Analysis by  with research by Vanessa Montalbano

February 1, 2023 at 8:03 a.m. EST

An advocacy group is accusing the oil giant Royal Dutch Shell of misleading investors by classifying its investments in natural gas as spending on renewable energy.

In a complaint filed today with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the group Global Witness argues that Shell’s classifications amount to “greenwashing” — the practice of portraying a business or product as more environmentally friendly than it really is. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell reports highest profits in 115 years

BBC NEWS

Shell reports highest profits in 115 years

Oil and gas giant Shell has reported record annual profits after energy prices surged last year following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.

By Simon Jack & Nick Edser: 2 FEB 2023

Profits hit $39.9bn (£32.2bn) in 2022, double last year’s total and the highest in its 115-year history.

Energy firms have seen record earnings since oil and gas prices jumped following the invasion of Ukraine.

It has heaped pressure on firms to pay more tax as households struggle with rising bills.

Opposition parties said Shell’s profits were “outrageous” and the government was letting energy firms “off the hook”. They also called for the planned increase in the energy price cap due in April to be scrapped. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell faces energy fury as £31bn bumper profits could pay for 2.1m heat pumps for Britons

EXPRESS

Shell faces energy fury as £31bn bumper profits could pay for 2.1m heat pumps for Britons

In just the third quarter of the year, UK-based energy giant Shell raked in profits of £8.2billion.

By ANTONY ASHKENAZ:

New analysis has found that over the past twelve months, energy giant Shell has generated a staggering £31billion in excess profits. This has prompted fury among critics, as millions of Britons face unprecedented energy bill hikes, crippling inflation and a major cost of living crisis. Today, Shell has announced profits of £8.2billion for the third quarter of this year. The business said it made adjusted earnings of $9.5billion US dollars over the three months down from $11.5billion (£9.9billion) the quarter before. According to Global Witness, which conducted the analysis, this profit earned by the energy giant was in addition to the profits that they would make in a normal year. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.