WTF: Shell’s $1.3 Billion Nigerian Oil Deal Flops—Because Even Corruption Has Standards

21 Oct 2024

Oh, Shell, you poor, misunderstood oil giant, trying so hard to make a clean getaway from the toxic mess you’ve left in Nigeria’s Niger Delta. But what’s this? Nigeria rejected your grand $1.3 billion deal to sell off your onshore oil production unit. The local consortium, Renaissance Africa Energy, wasn’t up to snuff. Even in a landscape ravaged by pollution, oil theft, and violence (mostly thanks to companies like Shell), the regulators still have some standards. Who knew?

Let’s not forget, Shell has been wreaking havoc in the Niger Delta for 68 years—yes, 68 years of environmental destruction, corruption, and human rights abuses. If anyone still doubts Shell’s criminal record in Nigeria, let’s take a quick stroll down memory lane. Remember Ken Saro-Wiwa and the Ogoni 9? Yeah, Shell’s in-house spy squad, Hakluyt, got involved in that little affair, using an undercover agent to target those who dared to stand up to the company’s relentless exploitation. Shell’s got blood on its hands, and now, suddenly, it wants to pack up and leave? Not so fast, Shell.

The Nigerian Upstream Petroleum Regulatory Commission (NUPRC) just blocked the sale, with chief executive Gbenga Komolafe pointing out that Renaissance Africa Energy, the buyer Shell had lined up, didn’t pass the regulatory test. Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it’s because it’s another sketchy, little-known group trying to take over assets that are still oozing oil and misery across the region. Of course, Renaissance is too busy dodging questions, and Shell is pretending they didn’t hear the rejection. Classic.

Meanwhile, ExxonMobil managed to slide through the same regulatory hoops with its own $1.28 billion sale to Seplat Energy. Even though Exxon’s deal has been bouncing around like a bad check since 2022, at least they managed to convince Nigeria’s president (and part-time petroleum minister) Bola Tinubu to rubber-stamp the sale. Shell must be fuming. How dare another oil giant swoop in and leave them in the dust?

But Shell’s rejection shouldn’t come as a shock. Nigeria’s been a tough playground lately—what with oil theft, militancy, and a crumbling ecosystem that Shell helped destroy. Even Eni, Equinor, and Addax have made their grand exit, with each company selling off their onshore assets to whoever’s left standing. No one’s crying over the fact that these oil giants are now eyeing offshore fields, where the profits are still sweet and they can keep polluting far from the prying eyes of communities they’ve ravaged for decades.

But what’s the rush, Shell? After all, you’ve had nearly seven decades to strip the Niger Delta of its resources, leaving behind toxic spills, sickened locals, and shattered landscapes. Why not hang around a little longer? Maybe BlackRock, one of your biggest investors, will send some flowers when you finally manage to offload the wreckage you’ve left behind.

In the end, this failed sale is just another chapter in Shell’s long-running saga of greed, corruption, and destruction. Sure, you want out of Nigeria now that the profits aren’t as juicy, but karma’s a funny thing, isn’t it? No amount of greenwashing can hide the fact that Shell’s legacy in Nigeria is one of death, pollution, and devastation. Good luck trying to shake that off.

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