Posted by John Donovan: 10 Nov 2024
Oh, Shell, you magnificent bastion of corporate ruthlessness. Just when we thought you couldn’t sink any lower, here you are again, contemplating yet another clever move—this time maybe ditching your London stock market listing for the flashier streets of New York. Because, let’s face it, why would you stay in a city where people still occasionally ask about, you know, ethics?
Let’s break it down: Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan, in what can only be described as an exercise in greedy audacity, recently mused that London might just be too “undervalued” for their high-flying tastes. I mean, how can Shell—destroyer of ecosystems, arch-nemesis of climate activists, and champion of creative corruption—possibly justify staying in such a dull, drab place when the glittering stock tickers of Wall Street beckon?
But don’t worry, folks! According to a Shell spokesperson (because, of course, they need someone to speak in hushed tones to the masses), switching listings is “something we will always keep under review, but this is not a live discussion.” Translation: “We’re totally doing this, but we don’t want to confirm it until we’ve milked the last bit of goodwill from whatever’s left of London’s reputation.”
Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here thinking: Oh, sure, Wael—let’s reward your shareholders some more, because your stock valuation isn’t high enough. ExxonMobil and Chevron are already way ahead, doubling down on fossil fuels like there’s no tomorrow (which, thanks to them, there probably won’t be). But Shell’s got its own tricks up its sleeve—like billions in share buybacks to make sure those wealthy investors get even richer while the planet continues its slow roast.
Speaking of investors, let’s not forget those enablers behind the scenes like BlackRock and Vanguard, who are more than happy to pour their clients’ money into Shell’s pollution machine. Because why invest in sustainable energy when you can make a quick buck on oil spills, environmental devastation, and political corruption? It’s all about those dividends, baby!
So, Shell, go ahead—run off to New York if you must. Maybe you’ll find even more “shareholder value” over there. Just remember, no matter where you go, you’ll always have the blood of communities like those in the Niger Delta staining your balance sheets. Cheers to that.
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