How the UK Government Bent Over Backwards for the World’s Favorite Polluter (Shell)

Posted by John Donovan: 26 Nov 2024

What happens when a corporate giant that’s been gleefully torching the planet decides to pack its bags and shack up in London? Apparently, a cozy, taxpayer-funded welcome party. Yes, you read that right: Shell, the literal embodiment of climate denial wrapped in PR spin, didn’t just waltz into the UK—it was stage-managed there by a government that treated it like royalty. A cache of emails now reveals the jaw-dropping lengths officials went to in order to kiss Shell’s, uh, fossil-fueled feet. Let’s dive in.

Operation “Pearl” (Because “Corporate Lapdogging” Was Too On the Nose)

Behind the scenes of COP26—the UK-hosted climate summit allegedly dedicated to saving the planet—government ministers were busy scheming to make Shell’s relocation from the Netherlands as smooth and scandal-free as possible. Why the move? Well, it probably didn’t help that a Dutch court had just smacked Shell with a ruling to cut emissions by 45% by 2030. Clearly, accountability wasn’t on Shell’s to-do list, so why not run to the UK, where environmental standards come with a side of tea and biscuits?

The government even gave the operation a codename, “Pearl,” which somehow feels fitting for a company whose idea of sustainability is a few token wind turbines propped up against a sea of oil rigs. A July 2021 briefing for then-Prime Minister Boris Johnson urged him to “show support for Shell’s relocation to the UK” and avoid any pesky questions about weaker climate standards here. Because heaven forbid anyone notices that the UK is basically rolling out the green carpet for one of the world’s top carbon spewers.

“No, No, It’s Not About Tax. It’s Definitely About ESG!”

Let’s not kid ourselves. The move wasn’t about Shell feeling all warm and fuzzy about the UK’s environmental governance. No, this was about money—specifically, dodging double taxation. Some of Shell’s shareholders didn’t want their dividends skimmed by Dutch withholding tax, so the UK swooped in, arms wide open, ready to enable. And the UK government? They bent over backwards to keep the narrative squeaky clean.

“Help in avoiding perception that relocation is being driven by weaker climate standards,” suggested one briefing note to Johnson, as if that wasn’t exactly what was happening. Minutes from a 2021 meeting with Shell’s then CEO Ben van Beurden even show Johnson obligingly parroting the company’s greenwashed rhetoric: “How has the recent Dutch court verdict on emissions changed your plans for Net Zero by 2050?” Spoiler alert: It hadn’t.

Charles Roxburgh: The Ultimate Shell Point Man

It gets better. Charles Roxburgh, a former Shell board member and Treasury official at the time, played the role of Shell’s government concierge. Not only did he meet with Shell a staggering eight times in 2021, but he also warned colleagues to keep the COP26 unit in the dark about their chats. “We clearly can’t bring anyone in the COP26 unit into the picture… too many people… high risk of leak,” he wrote. Nothing screams integrity like a top official tiptoeing around transparency.

Enter the Spies and Smokescreens

Ah, but no Shell story is complete without its secret-weapon spy firm, Hakluyt, aka Big Oil’s 007. This shadowy consultancy—accused of spying on Greenpeace for Shell and BP—has all the charm of a Bond villain minus the tuxedos. Former Hakluyt partner and Johnson’s chief of staff, Dan Rosenfeld, popped up in the plot, arranging cozy meetings between Number 10 and Shell. Because nothing screams “public service” like enabling corporate espionage and greenwashing!

Rosenfield, a former partner at Hakluyt & Company—a corporate strategy consultancy infamous for allegations of spying was awarded his peerage in July 2023. Hakluyt, described in some circles as Big Oil’s private intelligence arm, has denied any current ties to the “spooky world” and claimed it no longer conducts surveillance on NGOs, according to an investigation by openDemocracy.

Hakluyt, naturally, denies it’s still in the “spooky world” game.

Oh, and guess what? Roxburgh is now back on Shell’s board. The revolving door between Big Oil and government never stops spinning.

Shell’s Climate “Commitments”: Lies, Damn Lies, and PR

While Shell postured about its “net zero by 2050” goals, the reality was less impressive. In 2023, Shell spent five times more on oil and gas than on renewables. By March, it had even backpedaled on its already laughable 2030 decarbonization targets. Carbon Brief aptly called it a “bet against the world meeting its climate goals.” Translation: Shell’s business model depends on planetary failure.

Even BlackRock, Shell’s largest investor with an 8.3% stake, doesn’t seem to mind that Shell is treating the Paris Agreement like toilet paper. Who cares about global temperature rise when there are dividends to collect?

The Real Victims: Everyone Else

While Shell rakes in obscene profits—over £10 billion this year alone—communities and ecosystems worldwide pay the price. From flooded homes to scorched farmland, the fallout of Shell’s greed is hitting the most vulnerable first. And yet, here we are, watching the UK government snuggle up to a company that’s contributed roughly 2% of all global greenhouse gas emissions since 1892. Bravo.

Greenwashing for All!

Remember the Science Museum’s gagging clause? That little contract obligating the museum not to harm Shell’s reputation? Turns out it’s part of a larger trend: Shell throwing just enough cash at renewable projects and cultural institutions to keep its PR machine churning. Meanwhile, behind closed doors, it’s business as usual—more drilling, more emissions, and more excuses.

Final Thoughts (WTF Indeed)

This scandal isn’t just about Shell—it’s about a government that claims to lead on climate action while giving one of the world’s worst polluters a VIP pass. The documents obtained by Culture Unstained lay bare a troubling reality: when it comes to the fight against climate change, the UK government isn’t just asleep at the wheel—it’s actively hitting the accelerator for Shell.

So here’s a thought: maybe next time the government and Big Oil decide to collude, they could at least try to hide it better? Or better yet, stop treating fossil fuel companies like heroes and start holding them accountable. Because at this rate, the only thing Shell is saving is its profit margin.

Until then, we’ll be over here, watching Shell and its enablers bet against humanity while the Earth burns. But hey, as long as dividends keep flowing to BlackRock and Vanguard, who cares, right?

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