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Will Shell Finally Swallow BP?

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This article was generated with the support of AI and reviewed by an editor for factual accuracy and satirical tone.

The fossil fuel fanfiction nobody asked for is back: Shell might finally devour BP — in what could become the biggest unholy alliance since, well… Shell and apartheid South Africa.

That’s right: after years of flirting and fumbling, the dirtiest merger fantasy in Big Oil is once again swirling through boardrooms and Bloomberg alerts.

Why now? Because activist hedge fund Elliott Management just bought a nearly 5% stake in BP and immediately demanded a boardroom bloodletting. Cue another round of speculation that Shell, Chevron, ADNOC, or some other oil-drunk conglomerate might swoop in and “rescue” BP from its decade-long identity crisis. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s New North Sea Strategy: Drill, Merge, Dodge, Repeat

Apr 15th, 2025

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Shell — the world’s favourite greenwashing juggernaut — is once again proving that its true superpower isn’t drilling oil. It’s drilling holes in the tax system. It’s merger mania, and while executives claim it’s about “scale” and “flexibility in a declining basin,” every tax lawyer and banker worth their bonus knows the real prize: huge future profits with minimal tax bills.

Posted By John Donovan: 15 April 2025

In a move that would make even the most shameless tax accountant blush, Shell and its oily comrades have been busy merging their way out of billions in tax liabilities across the North Sea — all while crying about how unfair their taxes are.

Because when you’re one of the most profitable polluters on Earth, nothing screams “innovation” like ducking your fiscal responsibilities through creative accounting.

Mergers That Smell Like Money (Saved)

Here’s the scheme — sorry, “strategy” — in action: read more

Is a blockbuster Shell+BP mega-merger in the cards?

Apr 15th, 2025

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With BP’s share price looking like an oil-slicked fish gasping on a beach, merger rumours are back, and Shell is the leading suitor. Promises or Buyout Prospects?

Big Oil’s Mid-Life Crisis Is Now a Merger Fantasy. Spoiler: The Planet Still Loses.

Inspired by the CNBC article: “Oil giant BP is seen as a prime takeover target. Is a blockbuster mega-merger in the cards?”

Identity Crisis: BP’s Backslide to the Black Stuff

Once a wannabe climate champion, has now slammed into reverse, ditching renewables and chasing oil profits like it’s 1974. CEO Murray Auchincloss calls it a “strategic reset,” but let’s be honest — it’s a greenwash rinse cycle followed by a fossil-fuel binge.

“BP will slash renewable spending and boost oil and gas investment,”

Auchincloss said in February, adding that this pivot is attracting “significant interest” in BP’s non-core assets. read more

Shell’s Venezuelan Gas Gamble Implodes — But Don’t Worry, the Dividends Are Still Flowing!

Apr 12th, 2025

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Trump Yanks Licenses. Shell Shrugs. BlackRock Still Gets Paid. The Planet? Not So Lucky.

Just when you thought the fossil fuel absurdity couldn’t dig any deeper, the Trump Administration comes through with another shovel — this time revoking key gas project licenses for Shell, , and Chevron in Venezuelan waters.

Yes, that’s right: Shell’s dream of extracting gas from Venezuela’s Dragon field and piping it into Trinidad and Tobago’s export terminals is now on pause — or, if history teaches us anything, permanently flushed down the crude-soaked toilet of geopolitical fantasy. read more

Shell Sinks Another Oil Field Into the Gulf of America, Calls It “Lower-Carbon”

Apr 9th, 2025

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Deep Water, Deeper Denial: Shell Touts New Oil Bonanza While Pretending It’s a Climate Solution

BREAKING: Shell has struck again — not in court, not in a human rights investigation, but 7,500 feet under the Gulf of Mexico, where the planet’s least-needed project just came online: Dover, a lovely little climate time-bomb producing up to 20,000 barrels of oil equivalent per day.

Yes, Shell is back at it, extracting hydrocarbons with a smile, calling it “lower carbon” because… well, it’s not from coal, and that apparently counts for something in ESG bingo.

“Shell continues to unlock more value from the prolific basins in our portfolio,” read more

Shell’s Venezuelan Gas Dream Goes Up in Smoke (Again): Sorry, Not Even Trump Can Save You This Time

Apr 9th, 2025

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Because Nothing Says “Energy Security” Like Betting on Shell, PDVSA, and Political Chaos All at Once

In a move that could only shock people who’ve been asleep since 2017, the Trump administration has revoked licenses for oil supermajors Shell and to operate natural gas projects offshore Venezuela. That’s right—just when the fossil fuel giants thought they could sneak more gas profits out of South America, boom, the U.S. pulled the plug.

From Greenlights to Guillotines: The Venezuela Whiplash

The revoked licenses affect gas projects linked to Trinidad and Tobago, which had planned to partner with Shell on the Dragon gas field, and with BP on the Cocuina-Manakin project. These projects were hyped as essential for “energy security in the Caribbean.” Because obviously, trusting Venezuela’s PDVSA and Shell to safeguard the region’s future was a totally sound strategy. read more

WTF Is Shell Whining About Now? Australia Dares Suggest Gas Should Help Australians—Cue Oil Giant Meltdown

Apr 2nd, 2025

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Enter Irina Woodhead, a former Shell technical safety engineer who had the audacity to suggest that maybe—just maybe—ignoring safety protocols on a floating gas bomb was a bad idea. She raised concerns about Prelude’s emergency protocols, only to be shown the door faster than you can say “whistleblower retaliation.

Ah, Shell. The oil-stained poster child of unhinged corporate greed, environmental catastrophe, and staggering audacity. Alongside its equally charming BFFs ExxonMobil and Chevron, Shell is now losing its ever-loving mind over a radical, totally outlandish proposal: that some of the gas they’re hoarding and shipping offshore might actually be used to keep Australians warm and the lights on.

You know, in Australia. Where the gas comes from.

But don’t worry, Shell’s top brass is here to explain why that’s a very bad idea—for them, obviously. read more

Shell-Shocked: When Even a Ruthless Hedge Fund Bets Against Big Oil’s Greediest Villain

Mar 28th, 2025

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Ah, Shell—the oil-slicked titan of greed, pollution, and profit-before-planet whose moral compass seems to point straight to the nearest offshore tax haven. You’d think this global goliath of carbon chaos would be comfortably lounging atop its pile of petrodollars. But no, even they aren’t safe from Wall Street’s cold, calculating buzzards. Enter Elliott Management: the hedge fund equivalent of a vulture on steroids, now circling Shell like it’s a wounded gazelle.

Yes, Elliott—Paul Singer’s merciless American juggernaut of “activist investing” (read: financial warfare)—has just shorted Shell to the tune of £850 million. That’s 0.5% of Shell’s stock, making it the biggest short against the FTSE 100 oil giant in nearly a decade. When Elliott smells weakness, it doesn’t just poke the bear. It sells the bear’s fur in advance and sues the forest. read more

Shell’s Slow-Motion Oil Orgy: How to Kill the Planet and Still Get a Bonus

Mar 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

Well, well, well—look who’s back at it. Shell, the undisputed heavyweight champion of environmental disregard, has once again reminded us that its idea of “transition” involves moving from one yacht to another, not from oil to renewables. Welcome to the age of Big Oil’s “managed decline,” which is just a posh way of saying: we’re scaling down investment in the future so we can keep setting fire to the present more profitably.

Let’s cut through the fossil-fuel fog: Shell, the ultimate sin stock (proudly held by climate-conscience titans like BlackRock), has decided to lower its annual spending target to $20–22 billion through 2028, down from the already-not-exactly-ambitious $22–25 billion. At the same time, it has graciously committed to keeping oil output flat at 1.4 million barrels per day—because what’s good for emissions is good for business, right? read more

Shell & BP’s “Capital-Light” Climate Hustle: Why Save the Planet When You Can Trade Around It?

Mar 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Hold onto your lungs, folks—Shell and BP are back at it with their latest climate cosplay. Yes, the world’s favorite carbon barons have decided they still kinda want a piece of the “clean energy” pie—not to save the planet, of course, but because it gives them a juicy trading advantage. Welcome to the age of “capital-light” climate action, where you don’t have to build anything meaningful—you just trade electrons and slap a green label on it.

Shell, that bastion of environmental virtue (ahem), is now leaning into what CEO Wael Sawan proudly calls a “capital-light business model” for renewables. Translation: we’ll let other people build the stuff while we swoop in to make money off the volatility. Shell will “make use of project financing where it makes sense and work with partners,” said Sawan at the New York Stock Exchange, presumably while clutching a reusable water bottle for ESG optics. read more

Shell & BP Executives Indicted? Finally Someone’s Asking WTF Are They Still Getting Away With?

Mar 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Shell & BP Executives Indicted? Finally, Someone’s Asking WTF Are They Still Getting Away With?

Because climate collapse apparently pays better than justice.

Ah, Shell and BP—the oil-stained darlings of the stock market, the poster children of unchecked corporate excess, and the absolute masters of torching the planet while patting themselves on the back for it. This week, in a rare moment of clarity from the reality-based world, draft indictments were hand-delivered to the Crown Prosecution Service, accusing top executives at Shell and BP of public nuisance. Aww, just a nuisance? That’s cute. We’re sure the understatement will comfort the flooded homes, blistering heatwaves, and collapsing food systems caused by fossil fuel emissions. read more

Shell’s “Successful Failure”: Still Failing, But With Even Bigger Bonuses

Mar 26th, 2025

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Courtesy of Global Witness

CEO Wael Sawan says his strategy is working — if you define ‘working’ as slashing renewables, kneeling to Wall Street, and praying the Trump administration sticks around.

Shell — the fossil-fueled titan that never met a barrel of oil it didn’t want to burn — has declared its latest strategy a “successful failure.” Which is corporate code for: We didn’t achieve what we said we would, but we did make rich people richer, so that counts, right?

Two years into CEO Wael Sawan’s so-called “10-quarter sprint” to remake Shell into a leaner, meaner profit machine, the results are in: read more

Shell’s $1.6 Billion Russian Legal Nightmare: From Sakhalin to SNAFU

Mar 25th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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25 March 2025

The ultimate sin stock just can’t catch a break — especially not when it abandoned a gas project, got sued by Russia, and now pretends none of it was their fault.

Oh dear, Shell. Yet another chapter in the never-ending “Oops, Did We Do That?” saga of one of the world’s most polluting, profit-obsessed corporations. This time, it’s Moscow calling — and they’d like $1.6 billion, please.

In its latest annual report, Shell confirmed that a Russian prosecutor has sued not one, but eight Shell group entities — including Shell plc and Shell Energy Europe Limited (SEEL) — over alleged unpaid gas deliveries from 2022. The plaintiff? Good ol’ Gazprom Export, the Kremlin’s favorite fossil-fueled blunt instrument. read more

Shell to Britain: “Give Us BP or We’re Moving to Wall Street”

Mar 24th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

Shell — global climate villain and gold medalist in greenwashing — is once again proving that when you’re Europe’s biggest oil giant, the only thing more bloated than your balance sheet is your ego.

The company is now considering (read: publicly dangling) the idea of delisting from the London Stock Exchange and fleeing to the New York Stock Exchange, where oil executives are still treated like gods instead of environmental pariahs.

Shell CEO Wael Sawan, whose idea of energy transition is “less wind, more gas,” is apparently sick and tired of those pesky British investors not worshipping Shell’s “financial performance” — i.e. record profits extracted from the overheating planet. read more

Shell + BP: The UK’s Favorite Oil Villains and Their Spying Side Hustle

Mar 19th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Ah, the latest thrilling instalment in the saga of the UK’s most ruthless polluters—Shell and BP! This time, the British government might need one villain to rescue the other. Because when your country’s energy strategy revolves around two corporate behemoths that specialise in environmental destruction, economic extortion, and good old-fashioned espionage (hi, Hakluyt!), what could possibly go wrong?

Let’s start with BP—currently flailing like a fish on an oil-slicked shoreline. After its spectacular failure to pivot from fossil fuels to renewables (who could’ve guessed that wasn’t done in good faith?), BP’s stock is circling the drain. CEO Murray Auchincloss’s brilliant plan to double down on oil and gas has failed to excite investors, and hedge fund shark Elliott Management now holds a 5% stake, sniffing around for a board shake-up and even more brutal cost-cutting.

Meanwhile, rumours abound that BP could be scooped up by an American oil giant or a Gulf national oil company. Because, sure, when a British corporation becomes a liability, the logical move is to sell it to the highest international bidder. And why not? BP still has prime assets worldwide—shale basins in the U.S., Gulf of Mexico drilling, operations in Brazil, the North Sea, and the Middle East, not to mention its trading business and retail brand. Last year, it cranked out 2.36 million barrels of oil per day, generating a cool $8.9 billion in net profit. What’s not to love? read more

Big Oil’s Supreme Court Tantrum: Shell & Friends Get Smacked Down

Mar 11th, 2025

by admin.

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Well, well, well. It looks like Shell—along with its equally virtuous partners in climate destruction, Exxon, Chevron, BP, and ConocoPhillips—just took another legal hit. And not just any hit, but a nice, satisfying rejection from the U.S. Supreme Court. That’s right, the highest court in the land just told Big Oil’s fan club (otherwise known as 19 Republican attorneys general) to sit down and stop whining.

These oil-soaked litigators, led by Alabama’s Attorney General Steve Marshall, were trying to shut down climate lawsuits brought by California, Connecticut, Minnesota, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. These states, you see, dared to suggest that oil companies shouldn’t have lied to the public for decades about how burning fossil fuels would set the planet on fire. Telling the truth is still a radical concept in the fossil fuel world.

But let’s be clear: Shell and its industry pals are not about to take responsibility for anything. Because if they did, they might have to dip into the endless cash reserves that keep rolling in thanks to their top-tier enablers—like BlackRock and Vanguard. That’s right, these fine investment giants keep plowing money into Shell’s pockets, ensuring that the oil giant can continue its legacy of pollution, deception, and lobbying for regulatory loopholes. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

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Mergers That Smell Like Money (Saved)

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With BP’s share price looking like an oil-slicked fish gasping on a beach, merger rumours are back, and Shell is the leading suitor. Promises or Buyout Prospects?

Big Oil’s Mid-Life Crisis Is Now a Merger Fantasy. Spoiler: The Planet Still Loses.

Identity Crisis: BP’s Backslide to the Black Stuff

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Trump Yanks Licenses. Shell Shrugs. BlackRock Still Gets Paid. The Planet? Not So Lucky.

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Deep Water, Deeper Denial: Shell Touts New Oil Bonanza While Pretending It’s a Climate Solution

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Because Nothing Says “Energy Security” Like Betting on Shell, PDVSA, and Political Chaos All at Once

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

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Shell & BP Executives Indicted? Finally, Someone’s Asking WTF Are They Still Getting Away With?

Because climate collapse apparently pays better than justice.

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

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