Unplanned Maintenance, Cyclones, and a Whole Lot of Fossil Fuel Fantasy
Just when you thought Shell Plc might start taking the climate crisis seriously, they drop a fresh load of fossil-fueled optimism—while their gas output slumps and their climate credibility melts faster than Arctic ice in a heatwave.
In a new “trading update” (read: PR gloss-over), Shell confessed that natural gas and LNG production in the first quarter of 2025 was—gasp!—lower than expected. The reason? Oh, just some “unplanned maintenance” in Australia and “cyclones.” You know, the kinds of weather events that are becoming more frequent because of companies like Shell.
Ah, Shell—the oil-slicked titan of greed, pollution, and profit-before-planet whose moral compass seems to point straight to the nearest offshore tax haven. You’d think this global goliath of carbon chaos would be comfortably lounging atop its pile of petrodollars. But no, even they aren’t safe from Wall Street’s cold, calculating buzzards. Enter Elliott Management: the hedge fund equivalent of a vulture on steroids, now circling Shell like it’s a wounded gazelle.
CEO Wael Sawan heads to New York to reassure investors that Shell’s only green priority is cash.
Shell’s Corporate Shuffle: Because Nothing Says “Transformation” Like Rearranging Deck Chairs on a Sinking Oil Tanker
Shell is once again proving that nothing—not plummeting profits, climate devastation, or public outrage—will stop it from showering its investors with cash. Despite a “disappointing” $23.7 billion in profits for 2024 (down from the nearly $40 billion bonanza in 2022), Shell still managed to cough up $22.5 billion for its investors, because when you’re one of the world’s most notorious polluters, keeping shareholders happy always comes before keeping the planet habitable.
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EBOOK TITLE: “JOHN DONOVAN, SHELL’S NIGHTMARE: MY EPIC FEUD WITH THE UNSCRUPULOUS OIL GIANT ROYAL DUTCH SHELL” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
EBOOK TITLE: “TOXIC FACTS ABOUT SHELL REMOVED FROM WIKIPEDIA: HOW SHELL BECAME THE MOST HATED BRAND IN THE WORLD” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
