Ah, the latest thrilling instalment in the saga of the UK’s most ruthless polluters—Shell and BP! This time, the British government might need one villain to rescue the other. Because when your country’s energy strategy revolves around two corporate behemoths that specialise in environmental destruction, economic extortion, and good old-fashioned espionage (hi, Hakluyt!), what could possibly go wrong?
Let’s start with BP—currently flailing like a fish on an oil-slicked shoreline. After its spectacular failure to pivot from fossil fuels to renewables (who could’ve guessed that wasn’t done in good faith?), BP’s stock is circling the drain. CEO Murray Auchincloss’s brilliant plan to double down on oil and gas has failed to excite investors, and hedge fund shark Elliott Management now holds a 5% stake, sniffing around for a board shake-up and even more brutal cost-cutting.
Meanwhile, rumours abound that BP could be scooped up by an American oil giant or a Gulf national oil company. Because, sure, when a British corporation becomes a liability, the logical move is to sell it to the highest international bidder. And why not? BP still has prime assets worldwide—shale basins in the U.S., Gulf of Mexico drilling, operations in Brazil, the North Sea, and the Middle East, not to mention its trading business and retail brand. Last year, it cranked out 2.36 million barrels of oil per day, generating a cool $8.9 billion in net profit. What’s not to love?
Investors hoping for something even remotely resembling a conscience will be sorely disappointed. 
Shell’s Historical Ties to Nazi Germany (1930s–1940s): In Shell’s case, the absence of an apology or restitution for its Nazi collaboration remains a point of contention that the company may eventually be forced to confront as part of repairing its public image.
Wall Street is an invisible partner in Shell’s plunder: happy to enjoy the spoils, deaf to the spoils of war Shell waged on Nigeria’s environment
Ah, Shell—forever innovating new ways to ruin lives, one gas field at a time. The latest breakthrough? Science has now made it easier to predict the earthquakes caused by Shell and its fossil-fuel-loving friends in the Groningen region. That’s right—thanks to decades of unchecked greed and relentless gas extraction, we can now forecast when and where the next disaster will strike. What a win for modern research!
Shell’s Corporate Shuffle: Because Nothing Says “Transformation” Like Rearranging Deck Chairs on a Sinking Oil Tanker
Who Needs Clean Air When You Can Have Plastic?
Nothing Screams “Strategy” Like Ignoring Reality
Shell is once again proving that nothing—not plummeting profits, climate devastation, or public outrage—will stop it from showering its investors with cash. Despite a “disappointing” $23.7 billion in profits for 2024 (down from the nearly $40 billion bonanza in 2022), Shell still managed to cough up $22.5 billion for its investors, because when you’re one of the world’s most notorious polluters, keeping shareholders happy always comes before keeping the planet habitable.
EBOOK TITLE: “SIR HENRI DETERDING AND THE NAZI HISTORY OF ROYAL DUTCH SHELL” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
EBOOK TITLE: “JOHN DONOVAN, SHELL’S NIGHTMARE: MY EPIC FEUD WITH THE UNSCRUPULOUS OIL GIANT ROYAL DUTCH SHELL” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
EBOOK TITLE: “TOXIC FACTS ABOUT SHELL REMOVED FROM WIKIPEDIA: HOW SHELL BECAME THE MOST HATED BRAND IN THE WORLD” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
