Posted by John Donovan: 29 Aug 2024
Shell’s New Eco-Friendly Strategy: Cutting Jobs and Doubling Down on Oil, Because Who Needs a Planet Anyway?
Oh, Shell, that bastion of corporate morality and environmental stewardship, is at it again. This time, the oil giant has decided that the best way to “save the planet” is by slashing 20% of its workforce in the oil exploration and development division. Yes, you heard that right. The same Shell that has already gutted its renewable and low-carbon businesses is now turning its axe on the highly profitable oil division. Because nothing says “sustainable future” like laying off hundreds of people while raking in billions in dirty money.
But don’t worry, Shell assures us they’re just “creating more value with less emissions by focusing on performance, discipline, and simplification across the business.” Translation: We’re cutting costs, axing jobs, and doubling down on fossil fuels because, hey, profit margins don’t inflate themselves. After all, why bother with pesky renewables when you can keep pumping oil until the last drop is squeezed out of the Earth?
This isn’t just any ordinary stock we’re talking about—oh no, this is Shell, a certified sin stock if there ever was one. Sin stocks are those delightful companies that profit from activities like gambling, tobacco, and, yes, environmental destruction. So if you were wondering whether your money is in good hands, rest assured it’s funding the continued degradation of the planet. But hey, at least their shares are up 8% this year.
And let’s not forget CEO Wael Sawan, the mastermind behind this cost-saving crusade. Since taking office in January 2023, Sawan has been laser-focused on one thing: boosting profitability. Not by investing in the future or reducing carbon emissions, mind you, but by gutting anything that doesn’t immediately line shareholders’ pockets. It’s almost as if Shell has decided that its new business model is to make as much money as possible while the planet still has breathable air.
So here’s to Shell, the oil giant that’s not just content with being a ruthless, greedy, polluting machine—now it’s also the job-cutting champion of the world. Because when the world’s burning, what’s a few more layoffs in Houston or The Hague, right? After all, who needs a planet when you’ve got profits?
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