Shell’s Greenwashing Olympics: Stock Buybacks, EV Chaos, and a Threat to Abandon London

Posted by John Donovan: 4 Jan 2025

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a standing ovation to Shell—because when it comes to greed, hypocrisy, and climate destruction, this oil-soaked corporate Goliath continues to redefine the art of not giving a single f*ck about the planet. In its latest episode of “How Can We Make Everything Worse?”, Shell has launched yet another stock buyback program while gutting its EV charging ambitions and threatening to leave the London Stock Exchange for Wall Street. Bravo, Shell.

Shell Buys Back Its Own Stock While the World Burns

In a move that screams, “We care more about investors than the future of humanity,” Shell announced on January 3, 2025, that it’s buying back a massive chunk of its own shares. These purchases, managed by Citigroup Global Markets Limited (because of course), are part of Shell’s ongoing commitment to rewarding its loyal shareholders—like BlackRock and Vanguard, who must be cackling with delight at the thought of even more dividends rolling in.

Let’s unpack what this really means. Stock buybacks are a classic Wall Street ploy to inflate share prices and keep investors happy without actually doing anything meaningful—like, you know, addressing the climate crisis Shell has spent decades accelerating. While the polar ice caps melt and millions suffer from extreme weather, Shell’s top priority is…wait for it…“shareholder value.” Because who needs a livable planet when you can have a higher stock price

Dismantling EV Charging Infrastructure: Because Why Not?

Meanwhile, Shell is busy unraveling its so-called green ambitions. First, it announced that Shell Sky, the software used by third-party EV charging stations, will be shut down by April 30. This is the same Shell Sky that was developed by Greenlots, a company Shell bought in 2019. But hey, maintaining software for the EV transition isn’t as profitable as pumping oil, so screw it—Shell would rather focus on its own charging network (and even that is more about PR than actual progress).

And it gets better! Shell is also offloading its home and workplace EV charging business in Europe to Dutch company 50five, washing its hands of the very infrastructure it once touted as proof of its commitment to “cleaner mobility.” Translation: “We made a quick buck off this, but now it’s too much work, so someone else can deal with it.”

According to Xifeng Wu, Shell’s Senior VP of E-Mobility, the company is now laser-focused on “public charging experiences.” Sure, Wu. Because Shell’s EV charging business was always about profits, not sustainability. It’s like they’re saying, “We’ll keep pretending to care about clean energy as long as it doesn’t cut into our dividends.

London, You’re Just Not Greedy Enough

If all of that weren’t enough, Shell is also threatening to pack its bags and move its stock listing from London to New York. Why? Because apparently, £152 billion in valuation isn’t enough for this FTSE 100 juggernaut. CEO Wael Sawan has given London until the end of 2025 to close the valuation gap with U.S. competitors like ExxonMobil and Chevron—or else Shell will flee to Wall Street, where sin stocks like Shell are worshipped with even fewer questions asked.

Sawan even told Bloomberg that Shell is on a “sprint” to cut costs and boost its valuation. And if London can’t give them the corporate worship they demand? “We have to look at all options,” Sawan said, practically licking his lips at the thought of deregulated American markets. Because nothing says “environmental responsibility” like joining forces with Wall Street.

Shell’s Hypocrisy: A Masterclass in Greed

Here’s the kicker: Shell still wants you to believe it’s a leader in the fight against climate change. Remember their rebranding of Greenlots and NewMotion into Shell Recharge Solutions? Remember their promises of “enabling cleaner mobility at home, at work, and on the move”? Fast forward to 2025, and those promises are crumbling faster than Shell’s credibility. They’re cutting back EV charging programs, offloading responsibilities, and making a beeline for more lucrative markets, all while executing stock buybacks to keep investors fat and happy.

Meanwhile, Shell’s biggest cheerleaders—BlackRock and Vanguard—are happy to keep funding this charade. They rake in profits while Shell keeps spinning its wheels, pretending to care about the environment while doubling down on profits-first capitalism.

What the Actual F*ck, Shell?

Let’s not mince words: Shell is a master of greenwashing and greed. They’re not sprinting toward a greener future—they’re sprinting toward more shareholder payouts and PR wins. Whether it’s abandoning London, gutting EV programs, or throwing billions at stock buybacks, Shell’s priorities are crystal clear. The planet? Secondary. Their public image? A thinly veiled marketing strategy. The shareholders? Always first.

So here’s a thought: Instead of inflating your stock price and threatening to bail on London, how about you actually use your obscene wealth to invest in real, meaningful solutions to the climate crisis you helped create? But of course, that would require a shred of integrity—and this is Shell we’re talking about.

Shell’s strategy boils down to one simple truth: They’ll do anything for profit—no matter who or what pays the price. Investors cheer, the planet burns, and Shell marches on. What a legacy.

 

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