Shell’s New CO2 Storage Facility: Because After Decades of Destroying the Planet, Now They’re Here to ‘Save’ It—LOL

Oh, look! The same oil giants who spent decades belching carbon into the atmosphere and cashing in on climate chaos now want to be the heroes. Shell, Equinor, and TotalEnergies have announced that their shiny new Norwegian CO2 storage facility is “ready to go”—as if they didn’t spend the last century fueling the problem.

From Polluters to ‘Saviors’? Sure, Why Not.

So here we are, folks. Shell, the corporate villain that’s practically synonymous with pollution, wants a round of applause for their carbon capture and storage project. Yep, Shell is apparently on a “journey” now to demonstrate that CCS (carbon capture and storage) is a “viable option to help achieve climate goals.” Viable? Shell, you’ve been actively working against climate goals for decades, and now you want credit for tossing some CO2 into a hole? Get outta here.

A CO2 Dumping Ground in Norway—How Noble

This little project, called “Northern Lights,” isn’t some groundbreaking move toward sustainability. No, it’s a conveniently located pit for Shell, Equinor, and TotalEnergies to bury their guilt (and their emissions). What do we get? Twelve metal tanks onshore—because nothing says “climate hero” like a bunch of oversized fuel canisters. These can hold a massive 7,500 cubic meters of liquefied CO2, which gets pumped into a pipeline and dumped 2,600 meters under the sea. Yup, let’s shove our pollution under the ocean floor and hope no one notices!

37.5 Million Tons of CO2? Just a Drop in Shell’s Pollution Bucket

Oh, but let’s not forget the numbers. Northern Lights will “graciously” inject 37.5 million metric tons of CO2 into the ground over 25 years, or 1.5 million tons per year. That sounds like a lot, right? Yeah, until you realize that Shell alone spews out much more than that every year. But sure, let’s all pretend this is some big, heroic effort. Maybe Shell can take a selfie next to their tanks and call it progress.

First Delivery Coming in 2025—Yawn

The first delivery is expected in 2025 from a cement plant in southern Norway. Whoopee! That’ll definitely make up for all those years of environmental devastation, right? The German group Heidelberg Materials plans to start shipping CO2 by the end of the year. But don’t get too excited, because apparently, there’s still a “period of testing” to do. Shocker.

And hey, Northern Lights even has deals to store CO2 for a couple more big companies like Yara and Orsted. Gosh, it’s almost like Shell is trying to make a business out of pretending to clean up their mess.

Meanwhile, Real Solutions Are on Hold

Oh, and what about the Oslo waste plant capture project? You know, the one that could actually help reduce emissions? That’s on hold because—wait for it—they’re having budgeting issues. Because clearly, investing in real climate solutions just isn’t as fun as greenwashing with giant CO2 tanks.

So, congratulations, Shell, for coming up with a shiny new way to make it look like you care about the environment. In reality, this facility is little more than a monument to your decades of pollution. But hey, at least you’ve got a fancy new pipeline to hide the evidence, right?

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