The BP Target: Bloated, Battered, and Begging for a Buyer

Shell, that noble torchbearer of fossil-fuelled “progress,” is once again in the headlines—not for saving the planet (don’t be silly), but for the hotly whispered prospect of gobbling up BP, its longtime frenemy in pollution, profit, and public-relations gymnastics.

Because when you’ve already left a wake of ecological destruction, human rights abuses, and accounting scandals, what’s one more body on the pile?

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Shell: The Serial Offender That Keeps on Drilling

Let’s start with the obvious: Shell isn’t just an oil company. It’s a cautionary tale in human and corporate depravity. This is the firm that:

• Sacrificed Dutch employees under the Nazis to keep their refineries running.

• Used workers as chemical guinea pigs, exposing them to known carcinogens.

• Oversaw the North Sea lifeboat scandal, where unseaworthy “rescue” craft and a “Touch F*** All” approach to safety cost real human lives.

• Delivered the 2004 reserves fraud, faking billions of barrels of oil to inflate its share price—triggering global headlines and shareholder rage.

• Left an unending trail of death and environmental carnage in Nigeria, where it worked hand-in-glove with a murderous regime and polluted the Niger Delta with impunity.

• Uses Hakluyt, its in-house MI6-lite spy firm, to monitor Greenpeace, journalists, and anyone else who might tell the truth.

• And—just for good measure—stood quietly by as BAE’s Al-Yamamah arms-for-oil scandal traded weapons to despots in exchange for lucrative petroleum deals.

It would be funny if it weren’t horrifying. In fact, it still is horrifying.

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Accounting Standards? Audit Schmudit.

Shell recently had to amend its US financial filings after EY—its long-term auditor—decided the rules on partner rotation were more of a gentle suggestion. According to Shell:

“EY informed Shell… that its US opinions on Shell’s previously issued audited consolidated financial statements and effectiveness of internal control… should no longer be relied upon.”

Perfect. The world’s most climate-critical corporation can’t even keep its books clean. EY earned $66 million from Shell in 2024 for this exemplary service. “Deeply regrets” the breach, of course. But don’t worry! No changes to the numbers. Nothing to see here, folks.

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Prelude to a Meltdown

Still not convinced? Let’s revisit Prelude FLNG—Shell’s floating gas platform in Australia. Touted as a technological marvel, it was instead:

• Five years late

• $17 billion over budget

• Shut down multiple times by safety regulators

• Plagued with failures including fires and power outages

If James Bond villain SPECTRE had designed an energy platform, it would be less dangerous than Shell’s actual one.

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The BP Target: Bloated, Battered, and Begging for a Buyer

Once a paragon of British imperial swagger, BP is now a cautionary tale with a ticker symbol. Since the Deepwater Horizon catastrophe, which killed 11 people and poisoned the Gulf of Mexico, BP’s share price has floundered and its strategy has whiplashed from climate hope to carbon relapse.

Its former CEO Bernard Looney—he of “net zero by 2050” fame—was ousted in 2023 for lying about relationships with subordinates. Classy. His successor, Murray Auchincloss, is now desperately trimming fat and firing staff, all while activist investor Elliott Management looms like a chainsaw-wielding therapist.

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Vanguard, BlackRock, and the Complicity Olympics

Shell’s atrocities don’t happen in a vacuum. Major shareholders like BlackRock and Vanguard keep the engines running—figuratively and literally. These ESG-touting investment behemoths vote down climate resolutions, bankroll offshore drilling, and pretend divestment is someone else’s problem.

Why stop evil when you can profit from it?

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The High Court and the Curious Case of Justice Laddie

And what about accountability? Don’t make us laugh. The Donovans—John Donovan and his late father, Alfred—spent decades battling Shell in court. In their case, High Court judge Mr Justice Laddie failed to declare connections to Shell and later joined a consultancy with ties to Shell’s legal director.

He presided over litigation where Shell used undercover agents and withheld evidence. Impartiality? Not here. Transparency? Don’t be absurd.

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Should Shell Buy BP?

Well, why not? It’s a perfect match made in carbon-choked hell. Merge two scandal-ridden giants. Create the Exxon of Europe. Lay off 20,000 people, restructure everything, kill the last hope of a clean energy transition—then pay out a record dividend while the Arctic melts.

One analyst described BP as suffering from “noble cause corruption.” Meanwhile, Shell realized the planet was getting in the way of shareholder returns and steered straight back into the oil slick. That’s what we call “discipline.”

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Conclusion: No, Really, What the F

* Are We Doing?**

Shell isn’t just a corporation. It’s an ongoing environmental crime scene masquerading as a dividend machine. And BP, for all its original sins, now just looks like another soon-to-be-casualty in Shell’s oily warpath.

The merger may or may not happen. But either way, the planet loses.

Sober Reflection

For over two decades, John Donovan has published articles on RoyalDutchShellPlc.com, relentlessly documenting Shell’s alleged misdeeds — from corporate espionage and environmental devastation to human rights violations and greenwashing on an industrial scale.

Some might ask: Can this all really be true? Could one of the world’s most powerful corporations, backed by billions in revenue and a global network of lawyers, really be this corrupt, this ruthless, and still get away with it?

Here’s something worth pondering:

If the allegations on RoyalDutchShellPlc.com were false, if the information was truly defamatory or fabricated, would Shell — with its legions of in-house legal muscle — have allowed the site to remain live and active all these years?

Not likely.

Shell has had every opportunity, every resource, and every motivation to shut John Donovan down — yet the site endures, article after article, document after leaked document. Because some truths, no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable, are simply too well-evidenced to erase.

So ask yourself:

If it wasn’t true, why hasn’t Shell sued?

Let that sink in.

This article was generated with the support of AI and reviewed by an editor.

Graphic credit to royaldutchshellplc.com aided by AI.

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.