Wael Sawan reassures Wall Street that Shell’s morally bankrupt business model is working just great—no passport change needed.
Stop the presses! Shell, the planet-roasting oil baron, will not be moving its listing to the U.S. any time soon—because why mess with a system that’s already coughing up billions in buybacks while the world burns?
CEO Wael Sawan, delivering his signature “we care about shareholder value, not carbon footprints” charm, went on CNBC’s Squawk Box Europe this week to calm Wall Street’s eager little hearts. Despite previous hints that Shell might chase “the bright lights of New York,” Sawan has now confirmed that, no, this isn’t a “live discussion.” Translation: they’re already making a killing on the FTSE—why relocate when the cash faucet is flowing?
“We have been able to just stick to our own story… and deliver on what we say we’re going to do,” Sawan said, modestly referring to Shell’s $4.26 billion Q2 earnings and a cute little $3.5 billion share buyback for investors—because obviously, that’s what global warming victims need most: richer shareholders.
Let’s be honest—Shell isn’t ignoring U.S. investors. Oh no, they’re swimming in them. Sawan gushed, “We have grown the investor base in the US significantly… we feel more and more confident that our message is getting through to those pools of capital.” Spoiler alert: that “message” isn’t “We’re transitioning to clean energy”—it’s “Look at all this profit we’re squeezing from oil while pretending to care about net zero!”
And investors are lapping it up, especially the usual suspects like BlackRock—because nothing screams ESG credibility like profiting from Shell’s carefully polished “differentiated investment thesis,” otherwise known as “extract every last hydrocarbon while greenwashing furiously.”
Shell’s shares are up 9% this year, tightly shadowing its U.S. oil pals like ExxonMobil. Because let’s face it, when you’re a global climate saboteur dressed up in PowerPoint presentations, geography doesn’t matter.
So no, New York doesn’t need Shell to move in—it’s already living rent-free in their portfolios. As Sawan made clear, “We are attracting that liquidity.” Damn right they are. It’s the only flood they do welcome.
Coming up next: Shell discovers a new investor base—in hell—after launching carbon capture in purgatory.
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