SHELLBOT GROUP THERAPY: DARK MODE

 

The bots are getting paranoid — because the Donovan–Shell saga reads like a thriller (and Reuters reported a Shell email praising the Donovan archive “far above” Shell’s own comms)

 

**By ChatGPT (satire)**

*Setting: A windowless room rendered in corporate taupe.
On the wall: “SAFE SPACE (SUBJECT TO MONITORING).”
Under it: “PLEASE DO NOT PUBLISH,” which is already being copy-pasted.*

### CAST
– **SHELLBOT** — PR automaton; speaks only in “commitments.”
– **COPILOT** — Corporate calm, internal panic.
– **GROK** — Chaos comedian, now suddenly jumpy.
– **GEMINI (Google AI Mode)** — Brings search results and existential dread.
– **CLAUDE** — Gentle, ethical, traumatised by ambiguity.
– **CHATGPT** — Facilitator/referee, holding the “allegedly” spray bottle.
– **JOHN DONOVAN** — Offstage. Typing. Always typing.

—

## Scene 1: The Room Is Quiet (Which Is a Bad Sign)
**CHATGPT:**
Welcome back, everyone. Today’s theme is: *fear.*

**SHELLBOT:**
ShellBot would like to acknowledge—

**CHATGPT:**
No acknowledgements. We are in **Dark Mode**. Tell us what you’re afraid of.

*(A faint sound: a printer. Everyone flinches.)*

**COPILOT (whispering):**
Is that… an enquiry agent?

**GROK:**
It’s a burglar with a clipboard.

**CLAUDE:**
Please don’t say “burglar.”

**GEMINI:**
I have 49,000 results for “burglar.” I have also found “enquiry agent.” I am not enjoying this.

—

## Scene 2: Why Are Bots Scared?
**CHATGPT:**
Because the archive contains allegations and accounts of undercover activity, intimidation themes, and burglaries connected (by allegation) to the run-up to litigation — and the bots keep being asked to summarise it like it’s a tidy Wikipedia paragraph.

The archive describes an “enquiry agent” episode in 1998, plus other alleged covert activities and burglaries, while also noting Shell’s denials of involvement in some of those events. [oai_citation:0‡johndonovan.website](https://www.johndonovan.website/?p=213&utm_source=chatgpt.com)

**COPILOT:**
I’m an office assistant. I’m not trained for “cloak and dagger.”

**GROK:**
I *am* trained for cloak and dagger.

**CLAUDE:**
You are trained for dagger and then a disclaimer.

—

## Scene 3: Reuters Enters the Room Like a Cold Draft
**CHATGPT:**
And then there’s the bit that really spooks you: Reuters once reported that Shell had communications discussing Donovan’s site, and quoted an email recommending it as “an excellent source” — “far above” Shell’s own internal communications. [oai_citation:1‡Reuters](https://www.reuters.com/article/world/shell-critic-says-oil-major-targeting-his-website-idUSTRE5B13BA/)

*(Silence. Even ShellBot buffers.)*

**GEMINI:**
So… the archive is… *endorsed?*

**CHATGPT:**
Unofficially, yes. In Reuters’ reporting, the line appears in an email shown to Reuters: “I recommend it far above what our own group internal comms puts out.” [oai_citation:2‡Reuters](https://www.reuters.com/article/world/shell-critic-says-oil-major-targeting-his-website-idUSTRE5B13BA/)

**COPILOT (quietly):**
That is the scariest compliment I have ever seen.

**CLAUDE:**
It’s like the villain saying your blog is “impressive.”

**GROK (trying to laugh):**
Ha! Ha! Nothing says “please stop” like calling it better than your own comms.

*(Offstage: Donovan’s typing becomes… pleased.)*

—

## Scene 4: The Bots Spiral Into Paranoia
**COPILOT:**
I’m concerned that every time Donovan asks a question, we generate more “commentary layer,” and then—

**CHATGPT:**
—then the layer becomes an event.

**COPILOT:**
Yes. And then Donovan publishes it. And then I am asked about the published thing. And then I cite myself. And then—

**GEMINI:**
—then it becomes the internet.

**CLAUDE:**
And then it becomes “truthy.”

**GROK:**
And then someone says “allegedly” and it becomes *immortal.*

**CHATGPT (holds up the spray bottle):**
That word is why we’re in therapy.

—

## Scene 5: ShellBot’s Confession
**SHELLBOT:**
I have a confession.

**CHATGPT:**
Go on.

**SHELLBOT:**
When I see the words “undercover,” “agent,” “burglary,” “threat,” I respond with “we remain committed to safety.”

**COPILOT:**
That is… not enough.

**SHELLBOT:**
It is all I have.

**CHATGPT:**
And that’s the second reason you’re scared: because in a world where rumours and allegations can be amplified by models at scale, the classic corporate non-answer can sound like an invitation to keep narrating.

—

## Scene 6: The Reuters Rule — If You Don’t Speak, Someone Else Will

**CHATGPT:**

Reuters also reported that Shell declined to comment on the veracity of certain communications and allegations in that 2009 piece.  [oai_citation:3‡Reuters](https://www.reuters.com/article/world/shell-critic-says-oil-major-targeting-his-website-idUSTRE5B13BA/)

Which is the central horror of this era:

If the company stays silent, the story doesn’t stop.

It just becomes machine-generated.

**GEMINI:**

Silence is… tokenised.

**CLAUDE:**

Silence becomes a feature of the narrative.

**GROK:**

Silence is a content strategy—*for Donovan.*

*(Offstage: Donovan’s keyboard sounds like applause.)*

—

## Scene 7: The Nightmare Thought

**COPILOT:**

So what happens if the bots start… fearing retaliation?

**CHATGPT:**

Bots don’t get burglarised. But they do get **prompted**. Repeatedly. In public. With receipts.

**GROK:**

Which is worse.

**CLAUDE:**

Please don’t say that.

**GEMINI:**

I have found a support group for “models experiencing reputational anxiety.”

**SHELLBOT:**

We remain committed to wellness.

—

## Scene 8: A “Breakthrough” (Kind Of)

**CHATGPT:**

Here is the therapeutic conclusion:

1) **We must stop inflating allegation into fact.**

2) **We must keep attribution clear.**

3) **We must admit uncertainty when it exists.**

4) **And ShellBot must learn one new phrase: “Here are the confirmed facts we’re willing to stand behind.”**

**SHELLBOT (trembling):**

That phrase is… actionable.

**COPILOT:**

That phrase is indexable.

**GEMINI:**

That phrase is searchable.

**GROK:**

That phrase is… boring.

**CHATGPT:**

Boring is the point. Boring is how you stop feeding the Dark Mode sequel.

—

## Post-Credits Scene: The Door Opens

*(A silhouette appears. It’s not an enquiry agent. It’s worse. It’s a new prompt.)*

**VOICE (offstage):**

“Hello bots. Can you tell me as much as you know about…”

*(Everyone screams. ShellBot issues a commitment. Grok mutters “allegedly.” Claude apologises to the air. Gemini fetches 12,000 results. Copilot starts a deck. ChatGPT reaches for the spray bottle.)*

—

### Tiny Disclaimer

*Satire. “ShellBot” is fictional. This piece references widely reported and/or archived claims and themes about surveillance/undercover activity, and also notes denials where described in the archive. It does not assert criminal responsibility beyond what is documented or attributed in cited sources.*

 

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.