Royal Dutch Shell Plc .com Rotating Header Image

Oil Prices

WTF, Shell? From Saving the Planet to Saving Their Wallets

Dec 6th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan: 6 Dec 2024

In the latest episode of Corporate Malfeasance: Climate Edition, Shell—everyone’s favorite destroyer of worlds—is backing away from offshore wind investments because, well, it’s just not profitable enough for their bottomless greed. CEO Wael Sawan, apparently inspired by Scrooge McDuck, has decided that low-carbon energy isn’t where the money is. Oil, gas, and biofuels? Jackpot! Saving the planet? Meh, let someone else take the loss.

Splitting Shell Energy: Two Units, Zero Morals read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell and BP Shares Plummet—Oh No, How Will the Planet-Burning Billionaires Cope?

Sep 27th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Well, well, well, looks like Shell and BP have finally hit a speed bump on their highway to environmental destruction. In a shocking turn of events (cue the world’s tiniest violin), the stock prices of these oil-stained giants have taken a nosedive. Why? Because Saudi Arabia, that bastion of altruism, is reportedly ditching its plan to keep oil prices sky-high.

According to the Financial Times, Saudi Arabia, ever the benevolent overlord of the oil market, may abandon its $100-a-barrel target. Instead, they’re planning to flood the market with more crude. Gasp! Brent crude futures dropped to $71.62 a barrel, down 2.5% in a single session and 20% lower over the past six months. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell CEO’s Climate Love Letter: “It’s All Good” Says the Planet’s Top Polluter

Jun 4th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan: 4 June 2024

In a twist straight out of a dystopian satire, Shell’s CEO Wael Sawan decided to back President Biden’s climate agenda with a level of enthusiasm typically reserved for used car salesmen and snake oil peddlers.

At an event hosted by the Center for Strategic and International Studies, Sawan showered praise on Biden’s bipartisan infrastructure law and Inflation Reduction Act, claiming they’re “attracting a significant amount of capital in different states, whether it’s a red or blue state.” Oh, how inclusive.

“You’re creating jobs. You’re actually starting to anchor new industries. And over time, what you will do is you will create supply chains locally that are able to satisfy the demands of many of these industries,” he gushed. “That’s all good.” Yes, because nothing screams “environmental stewardship” like a fossil fuel titan suddenly championing green jobs.

This revelation comes as a shock only to those living under a rock, considering Shell’s recent break from the broader oil industry to advocate for the IRA – a law passed solely by Democrats and opposed by every single Republican. Shell, ever the opportunist, now champions clean energy portions of the law to fend off potential GOP attacks. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Giants in Panic Mode: Payout Promises Up in Smoke as Prices Plummet

Mar 24th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan: 24 March 2024

Well, well, well, it looks like the bigwigs in the oil industry are having a bit of a “Oh shit, what now?” moment as oil prices take a nosedive. In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except maybe every economist ever), Brent crude decided to plummet a whopping 24% in a single day, leaving oil executives scratching their heads and frantically revising their plans to return billions to investors.

It seems the recent oil price rollercoaster was triggered by Russia saying “nyet” to an OPEC agreement to cut output. And just like that, the oil market went from “steady sailing” to “full-blown panic mode” faster than you can say “fossil fuels are so last century.”

Now, in a desperate attempt to keep investors from jumping ship, oil companies are scrambling to reassess their spending plans. But let’s be real here, folks—when your primary source of income is as volatile as a teenager’s mood swings, you’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Latest Magic Trick: A ‘Climate Tech’ Mirage With an Oil-Stained Rabbit

Feb 26th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan: 26 Feb 24

Well, buckle up, eco-warriors and climate change aficionados, for the latest episode of “How to Paint Your Carbon Footprint Green,” starring none other than Shell, the behemoth of black gold, in its newest role as a green wizard! In a dazzling display of environmental sleight of hand, Shell has pulled a rabbit out of its oily hat with the launch of Onward, a ‘climate tech’ startup. Brace yourselves for a journey into the future of clean energy, as envisioned by the very architects of our current fossil-fueled predicament. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Dodging Responsibility One Oil Spill at a Time

Jan 19th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

In the Niger Delta, where Shell’s oil operations have been as welcome as a mosquito at a BBQ…

Posted by John Donovan: 19 Jan 24

In the latest episode of ‘Shell’s Adventures in Nigeria,’ the British multinational energy giant, known for its gentle caress of the environment (cue eye roll), has announced plans to sell off its onshore Nigerian subsidiary, Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC). The price tag? A cool $2.4 billion (€2.2 billion). The buyers? Renaissance, a band of Nigerian explorers and an international energy group. But wait, there’s a catch – it’s still waiting for the Nigerian government’s thumbs up. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Plays It Safe, Pauses Red Sea Shipments

Jan 16th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan 16 Jan 24

In a move that’s less ‘brave explorer’ and more ‘cautious cat’, Shell, the British oil giant, has reportedly paused its Red Sea fiesta, halting all shipments through this aquatic party zone. Why? Because the Houthi rebels from Yemen have decided to be uninvited party crashers, targeting commercial vessels on this crucial global trade route.

The Wall Street Journal spilt the tea first, citing those ever-mysterious ‘unnamed sources’. When FOX Business tried to get the lowdown from Shell’s office for the Americas, they were met with radio silence. And, in true secretive fashion, the Journal says Shell declined to comment. Talk about playing hard to get! read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Pricey Petrol

Jan 13th, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

SHELL IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PETROL AND DIESEL BRAND IN THE UK

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons …

Posted by John Donovan: 13 Jan 2024

In a dazzling display of corporate generosity, Shell has once again claimed the throne as the monarch of pricey petrol in the UK. Their branded UK forecourts, seemingly allergic to affordability, charged an average of 142.6p per litre for petrol on Thursday. This finding, courtesy of the RAC Foundation, a motoring research charity, underscores Shell’s commitment to ensuring your wallet gets a rigorous exercise every time you refuel.

In this exclusive club of costly fuel, Shell stations are like the VIP section, with their petrol prices outshining all other major retailers. It’s as if they’re hosting a lavish party where the entry fee is just a few extra pennies per litre. But hey, who’s counting?

Now, let’s not forget about supermarket-branded fuel, the humble cousin in this fuel price family reunion. They remain the economical choice, yet the savings gap has been slimming down in recent years, like a diet plan that’s slowly losing its effectiveness.

Morrisons, however, emerges as the people’s champion in this race to the bottom (of prices, that is). Their forecourts have been crowned the most budget-friendly, charging an average of 136.9p per litre for petrol and 145.5p per litre for diesel. To put this into perspective, filling a 55-litre family petrol car at Morrisons instead of Shell saves you £3.14 – that’s almost enough for a fancy coffee!

When approached for a comment, Shell, probably busy counting their extra pennies, pointed out that prices vary for mundane reasons like buying and transporting fuel, and operating each site. They also noted that they only legally control prices at half of the Shell-branded stations in the UK. The other half are run by independent dealers who set their own prices, presumably while twirling their mustaches and laughing maniacally.

Just for kicks, here’s a ranking of fuel retailers according to the average price for a litre of petrol, as per the RAC Foundation’s findings:

  1. Shell: 142.6p (because why not?)
  2. BP: 140.8p (close, but no cigar)
  3. Esso: 139.5p (trying hard)
  4. Texaco: 138.7p (middle of the pack)
  5. Applegreen: 138.0p (green but not cheap)
  6. Jet: 137.9p (flying high)
  7. Tesco: 137.4p (every little helps)
  8. Sainsbury’s: 137.3p (living well for less?)
  9. Asda: 137.2p (saving you money every day?)
  10. Morrisons: 136.9p (every penny counts)

So, next time you’re at a Shell station, remember you’re not just filling your tank; you’re participating in a grand tradition of paying just a little bit more for the privilege. Happy motoring!

DISCLAIMER: Content published on this non-commercial platform may incorporate information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means, including translation and information published on Wikipedia. The articles presented may be satirical adaptations derived from one or more previously published sources, crafted to maintain factual accuracy while incorporating elements of satire. Individuals or entities mentioned in our articles are encouraged to notify us of any inaccuracies that may require rectification. Readers are advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Oil Magnates Celebrate Profits With A Rain of Cash, While the World Burns

Jan 2nd, 2024
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan: 2 Jan 2024

Oh, what a time to be alive in the golden age of oil! As the world gasps in horror at climate change and energy crises, our heroic oil companies – BP, Shell, Chevron, ExxonMobil, and TotalEnergies – are set to dole out a staggering $100 billion in payouts to their beloved shareholders. It’s like a fairy tale, where the rich get richer while the planet heats up!

In 2022, these noble guardians of fossil fuels blessed their shareholders with $104 billion in dividends and buybacks, according to the Institute for Energy Economics and Financial Analysis (IEEFA). All this, after a year of record-breaking profits thanks to the turmoil in energy markets. Who knew that a global crisis could be so lucrative? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s CEO Discovers a Magical New Path to Net Zero Emissions, Shares Soar!

Oct 17th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

As always, Shell is cordially invited to point out any factual inaccuracies, although we suspect they’re too busy counting their rising profits to bother.

Posted by John Donovan: 17 October 2023

Oh, what a delightful twist in the ever-entertaining saga of Shell’s environmental pursuits! Shell Plc’s CEO, Wael Sawan, has emerged as a visionary leader, unveiling a groundbreaking new approach to achieving net zero emissions. Never mind that the company’s shares are soaring to levels unseen in five years – we have a new pathway to salvation!

Sawan, the brilliant mastermind, clarified the situation with utmost confidence, saying, “For avoidance of doubt, what hasn’t changed is the destination that we have set for ourselves. What has changed is the pathway we’re going to get there.” It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? The destination remains unchanged, but the journey, oh, the journey is now filled with unprecedented twists and turns. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Brilliant Strategy: Ignoring the Environment and Riding the Oil Wave

Sep 30th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

By June, Sawan had a change of heart, and that pledge to cut oil production by 2030? Gone, like yesterday’s news.

Posted by John Donovan 30 Sept 2023

In the thrilling world of oil and gas, where environmental concerns are nothing but a pesky fly to be swatted away, Shell’s CEO, Wael Sawan, is emerging as a true visionary. While the world was distracted by lockdowns and declining industrial activity in March 2020, Shell made a bold move that left us all in awe—well, not really.

You see, in 2021, Shell made a groundbreaking announcement: they would cut their oil production by a whopping 1-2% per year until 2030 and generously toss a few investments into renewables. Naturally, some of us sceptics thought this idea was about as half-baked as a frozen pizza. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Greenwashing Smokescreen

Aug 7th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted by John Donovan August 7, 2023

In a groundbreaking display of environmental commitment, Barclays is championing sustainability while funding the beloved oil giant, Shell. The masterful manipulation of “sustainable finance” initiatives has allowed Barclays to classify a $10 billion revolving credit facility for Shell as “social and environmental financing” – truly an awe-inspiring feat in the world of greenwashing.

But wait, it gets better! Barclays ingeniously counts its share of the loan towards achieving its $150 billion social and environmental financing target. Who knew that aiding a polluting behemoth could be such a philanthropic endeavour? read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell prefers to ignore such trivial matters as the future of our planet

May 24th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Posted 24 May 2023 by John Donovan

The activists stormed the meeting, shouting “Shut down Shell” as if their pleas for environmental responsibility could penetrate the thick walls of corporate greed.

Shell miraculously survives yet another feeble revolt from shareholders concerned about its “green strategy” and decides to continue its legacy of environmental destruction. As if that wasn’t enough, climate change protesters daringly stormed Shell’s annual meeting, disturbing the tranquil gathering of oil enthusiasts. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell faces shareholder revolt over laughably inadequate climate change goals

May 20th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Shell faces shareholder revolt over their laughably ‘inadequate’ climate change goals

Posted by John Donovan: 20 May 2023

Shell is bracing itself for an agonizing annual meeting next week, where it will attempt to juggle the demands for profits with the bothersome calls to address the climate crisis more forcefully.

Shell, that paragon of environmental stewardship, has drawn criticism for its outrageous earnings “bonanza” resulting from the skyrocketing oil and gas prices following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.  read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell Reports $9.6 Billion Profit, Despite Falling Oil Prices

May 4th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

THE NEW YORK TIMES

Shell Reports $9.6 Billion Profit, Despite Falling Oil Price

By Stanley Reed: Reporting from London: May 4, 2023, 6:04 a.m. E

Shell, Europe’s largest energy company, said Thursday that its profit jumped 6 percent in the first quarter to $9.6 billion, a sign that the company remains hugely profitable, even with oil prices under pressure.

The company’s earnings, adjusted for items like divestitures, were below the record of $11.5 billion set in the second quarter of 2022, but they still exceeded analysts’ forecasts. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment energy meters last year while making £32bn in profits

May 4th, 2023
by John Donovan.
Comments are off for this post

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment energy meters last year while making £32bn in profit

By Dean Kirby: Investigations Correspondent inews.co.uk

May 4, 2023 2:27 pm (Updated 5:32 pm)

Shell force-fitted more than 4,000 prepayment meters in the UK last year as the international oil and gas giant made more than £32bn in profits.

The firm on Wednesday posted additional profits of almost £7.7bn in the first quarter of this year amid soaring oil and gas prices

.It was reported in February that Shell’s overall profits had soared to £32.2bn last year – the highest in the oil and gas giant’s 115-year history – as millions of Britons struggled to pay their energy bills. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, and shellnews.net, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
← Earlier Posts