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Will Shell Finally Swallow BP?

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This article was generated with the support of AI and reviewed by an editor for factual accuracy and satirical tone.

The fossil fuel fanfiction nobody asked for is back: Shell might finally devour BP — in what could become the biggest unholy alliance since, well… Shell and apartheid South Africa.

That’s right: after years of flirting and fumbling, the dirtiest merger fantasy in Big Oil is once again swirling through boardrooms and Bloomberg alerts.

Why now? Because activist hedge fund Elliott Management just bought a nearly 5% stake in BP and immediately demanded a boardroom bloodletting. Cue another round of speculation that Shell, Chevron, ADNOC, or some other oil-drunk conglomerate might swoop in and “rescue” BP from its decade-long identity crisis. read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

Shell’s Venezuelan Gas Gamble Implodes — But Don’t Worry, the Dividends Are Still Flowing!

Apr 12th, 2025

by admin.

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Trump Yanks Licenses. Shell Shrugs. BlackRock Still Gets Paid. The Planet? Not So Lucky.

Just when you thought the fossil fuel absurdity couldn’t dig any deeper, the Trump Administration comes through with another shovel — this time revoking key gas project licenses for Shell, , and Chevron in Venezuelan waters.

Yes, that’s right: Shell’s dream of extracting gas from Venezuela’s Dragon field and piping it into Trinidad and Tobago’s export terminals is now on pause — or, if history teaches us anything, permanently flushed down the crude-soaked toilet of geopolitical fantasy. read more

WTF Is Shell Whining About Now? Australia Dares Suggest Gas Should Help Australians—Cue Oil Giant Meltdown

Apr 2nd, 2025

by admin.

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Enter Irina Woodhead, a former Shell technical safety engineer who had the audacity to suggest that maybe—just maybe—ignoring safety protocols on a floating gas bomb was a bad idea. She raised concerns about Prelude’s emergency protocols, only to be shown the door faster than you can say “whistleblower retaliation.

Ah, Shell. The oil-stained poster child of unhinged corporate greed, environmental catastrophe, and staggering audacity. Alongside its equally charming BFFs ExxonMobil and Chevron, Shell is now losing its ever-loving mind over a radical, totally outlandish proposal: that some of the gas they’re hoarding and shipping offshore might actually be used to keep Australians warm and the lights on.

You know, in Australia. Where the gas comes from.

But don’t worry, Shell’s top brass is here to explain why that’s a very bad idea—for them, obviously. read more

Shell’s Slow-Motion Oil Orgy: How to Kill the Planet and Still Get a Bonus

Mar 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

Well, well, well—look who’s back at it. Shell, the undisputed heavyweight champion of environmental disregard, has once again reminded us that its idea of “transition” involves moving from one yacht to another, not from oil to renewables. Welcome to the age of Big Oil’s “managed decline,” which is just a posh way of saying: we’re scaling down investment in the future so we can keep setting fire to the present more profitably.

Let’s cut through the fossil-fuel fog: Shell, the ultimate sin stock (proudly held by climate-conscience titans like BlackRock), has decided to lower its annual spending target to $20–22 billion through 2028, down from the already-not-exactly-ambitious $22–25 billion. At the same time, it has graciously committed to keeping oil output flat at 1.4 million barrels per day—because what’s good for emissions is good for business, right? read more

Shell to Britain: “Give Us BP or We’re Moving to Wall Street”

Mar 24th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

Shell — global climate villain and gold medalist in greenwashing — is once again proving that when you’re Europe’s biggest oil giant, the only thing more bloated than your balance sheet is your ego.

The company is now considering (read: publicly dangling) the idea of delisting from the London Stock Exchange and fleeing to the New York Stock Exchange, where oil executives are still treated like gods instead of environmental pariahs.

Shell CEO Wael Sawan, whose idea of energy transition is “less wind, more gas,” is apparently sick and tired of those pesky British investors not worshipping Shell’s “financial performance” — i.e. record profits extracted from the overheating planet. read more

Big Oil’s Supreme Court Tantrum: Shell & Friends Get Smacked Down

Mar 11th, 2025

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Well, well, well. It looks like Shell—along with its equally virtuous partners in climate destruction, Exxon, Chevron, BP, and ConocoPhillips—just took another legal hit. And not just any hit, but a nice, satisfying rejection from the U.S. Supreme Court. That’s right, the highest court in the land just told Big Oil’s fan club (otherwise known as 19 Republican attorneys general) to sit down and stop whining.

These oil-soaked litigators, led by Alabama’s Attorney General Steve Marshall, were trying to shut down climate lawsuits brought by California, Connecticut, Minnesota, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. These states, you see, dared to suggest that oil companies shouldn’t have lied to the public for decades about how burning fossil fuels would set the planet on fire. Telling the truth is still a radical concept in the fossil fuel world.

But let’s be clear: Shell and its industry pals are not about to take responsibility for anything. Because if they did, they might have to dip into the endless cash reserves that keep rolling in thanks to their top-tier enablers—like BlackRock and Vanguard. That’s right, these fine investment giants keep plowing money into Shell’s pockets, ensuring that the oil giant can continue its legacy of pollution, deception, and lobbying for regulatory loopholes. read more

Shell & Friends: The Carbon Kings Laughing Their Way to Climate Collapse

Mar 5th, 2025

by admin.

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Shell & Friends Are Holding the Planet Hostage

You know the world is in trouble when just 36 fossil fuel companies—led by the usual suspects, like Shell, ExxonMobil, and Saudi Aramco—are responsible for half of the planet’s carbon emissions in 2023. That’s 20 billion tonnes of CO₂ in a single year, because apparently, making obscene amounts of money off the destruction of the planet is a team sport.

The Science vs. Shell’s Business Model (Guess Who’s Winning?)

Reality check: Global emissions need to fall by 45% by 2030 to even have a chance of keeping temperature rise below 1.5°C. Instead? Emissions are still rising, because these companies refuse to stop sucking every last drop of oil, gas, and coal out of the Earth. The International Energy Agency has flat-out stated that any new fossil fuel projects launched after 2021 are incompatible with reaching net zero by 2050. But Shell? Oh no, they’re still expanding production while paying lip service to “green energy” in their PR statements. read more

Shell + BP Merger: The Ultimate Oil Giant Monopoly No One Asked For

Feb 26th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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…whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy…

Because what the world really needs right now is an even bigger, greedier, more polluting oil conglomerate, whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy. The proposed deal, which would create a $300 billion fossil fuel monstrosity, is being compared to ExxonMobil’s takeover of Pioneer Natural Resources and Chevron’s grab of Hess. In other words, Big Oil is doubling down on destruction, and Shell and BP don’t want to be left behind.

A Shell-BP merger would create an empire capable of taking on ExxonMobil ($480 billion market cap) and Chevron ($282 billion), solidifying its place among the biggest climate criminals on the planet. Supporters claim consolidation will magically bring “efficiencies” and “financial resilience,” while conveniently ignoring the inevitable job cuts, regulatory nightmares, and intensified climate devastation. Antitrust regulators might object, but when has that ever stopped the oil industry from bulldozing over public interest? read more

Should BP and Shell merge?

Feb 22nd, 2025

by admin.

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If the goal is to accelerate environmental devastation, lay off thousands of workers, and cement Big Oil’s death grip on global energy policy, then sure—go right ahead.

Nothing screams “brighter future” like two of the UK’s most notorious polluters joining forces to double down on destruction. That’s right—some investment bankers and analysts, never ones to let a good environmental catastrophe go to waste, are floating the idea of a BP-Shell merger. The goal? To create a “national champion” capable of competing with the likes of France’s TotalEnergies and American titans ExxonMobil and Chevron. Because, obviously, the world needs another corporate Goliath ramping up oil extraction while sprinkling in just enough greenwashing to keep up appearances. read more

Shell and the Art of Unholy Greed: BP’s Fumbling CEO Faces Judgment Day

Jan 19th, 2025

by admin.

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Posted by John Donovan: 19 Jan 25.

What the fk is going on at BP?**

Murray Auchincloss, the latest placeholder in BP’s revolving door of CEOs, is heading for his judgment day. Investors are sharpening their knives, and on February 26, they might just gut his tenure like a sacrificial lamb. Why? Because unlike Shell—the ultimate sin stock, the Exxon of Europe, the undisputed king of greed—BP has been fumbling its way through an identity crisis. And investors? They’ve had enough of BP’s weak attempts at greenwashing when there’s good old-fashioned oil money to be made. read more

Shell’s Renewable Retreat: Why Save the Planet When Profits Are This Good?

Nov 20th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 20 Nov 24

Ah, Shell — the corporate personification of “Why try when you can cash in?” Remember when they promised to save the planet? Yeah, neither do they. Turns out, pivoting to renewables isn’t nearly as lucrative as just sticking to the same old planet-choking business model. And if there’s one thing Shell and its friends at BlackRock love more than a warm, thriving planet, it’s cold, hard cash.

Profits Over Planet: The Fossil Fuel Formula

Let’s rewind to 2020, when oil prices tanked, and fossil fuel giants were scrambling like toddlers caught with crayons on the wall. With demand in free fall, companies like Shell suddenly discovered their “green hearts” and started making grandiose pledges to curb emissions and embrace renewables. But fast forward to today, and it’s clear those pledges were little more than a PR stunt. read more

Hurricane Helene Fueled by Big Oil’s Emissions, Greenpeace Demands Polluters Pay

Oct 9th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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9 Oct 2024

Washington DC – Ah yes, Shell. The oil-soaked villain of the century, responsible for more destruction than we can count, is at it again—this time helping fuel Hurricane Helene, which claimed 227 lives across six states. No big deal, right? After all, it’s just another day in the office for Shell and its oily cronies, spewing profits while the planet burns.

According to a rapid analysis by World Weather Attribution, Helene’s deadly rampage has been supercharged by—wait for it—climate change! Who knew?! Well, Greenpeace sure did, and they’re calling out Big Oil for the catastrophic mess it’s created. Rolf Skar, Greenpeace USA National Campaigns Director, lays it out: read more

Buzz about a possible merger between the titans of pollution, Shell and BP

Aug 1st, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 1st August 2024

In a plot twist straight out of a corporate soap opera, there’s buzz about a possible merger between the titans of pollution, Shell and BP. Two decades ago, BP’s John Browne fantasized about buying out Shell, but now the tables have turned, and Shell’s boss Wael Sawan might be toying with the same idea. While this merger remains as real as unicorns, some bits of it almost make sense.

Sawan, fresh from presenting second-quarter results that had analysts wiping their tears of joy, doesn’t really need this deal. Since he took over in January 2023, Shell’s $229 billion behemoth has seen shares climb 20%, all thanks to a disciplined approach to pretending to care about the environment while doubling down on fossil fuels. Meanwhile, BP, with its $97 billion market cap, has seen its shares drop 5%, underperforming not just Shell but also American giants like Chevron and Exxon Mobil. read more

Shell’s Latest Genius Move: Dumping North Sea Assets While Pretending to Care About the Environment

Jul 31st, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan 31 July 2024

In a classic “What the Actual F**k” moment, Shell and ExxonMobil have decided to offload their UK North Sea assets to Viaro Energy. Yes, because when you’re done polluting the planet and making billions, why not pass the torch to someone else? Viaro Energy, through its subsidiary RockRose Energy, is all set to acquire these precious assets, pending regulatory approval. Because why wouldn’t the regulators approve another round of fossil fuel profiteering? read more

“Godfathers of Climate Chaos”: UN Chief Calls Out Shell and BP, Demands Global Ad Ban

Jun 5th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 5 June 2024

Hold onto your hats, folks. António Guterres, the UN Secretary-General, just dropped a bombshell that should make the fossil-fuel overlords squirm in their plush boardroom chairs. Shell and BP, among others, are now being labeled the “godfathers of climate chaos.” That’s right, the planet-wrecking tycoons might soon find themselves banned from advertising, much like those pesky tobacco companies.

In a scorching speech in New York, Guterres took no prisoners, calling out news and tech media for enabling “planetary destruction” by taking dirty oil money. “We are at climate crunch time,” he declared, unveiling terrifying new data from the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) showing we’re on the brink of surpassing 1.5C warming. The recent 12 months have already pushed the global temperature to a blistering 1.63C above pre-industrial levels. Fun times ahead! read more

Shell and Total Plot Move to NYC: Because When You’re Desperate, Anything Sounds Like a Good Idea!

May 9th, 2024

by John Donovan.

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Posted by John Donovan: 9 May 2024

Alright, folks, gather ’round for a classic tale of “The Grass is Greener in the U.S.,” starring none other than Shell and TotalEnergies, the European oil megastars. In their latest “poor us” saga, they’re eyeing New York like it’s the promised land of stock market valuations. Oh, the excitement!

Now, don’t get too teary-eyed, but Shell’s Chief Executive, Wael Sawan, dropped a little hint on his earnings call that if Europe keeps treating them like the ugly ducklings of the stock market, they might just take their ball and go play in New York by the end of 2025. TotalEnergies’ big boss, Patrick Pouyanné, isn’t sitting quietly either. He’s been tasked by the board to mull over this geographical leap of faith and spill the beans by September. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

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Trump Yanks Licenses. Shell Shrugs. BlackRock Still Gets Paid. The Planet? Not So Lucky.

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Why invest in the future when you can squeeze the last dollars out of the apocalypse?

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Nothing screams patriotic corporate loyalty like threatening to ditch your home country for better tax breaks and oil-soaked handshakes in Trump’s America.

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Shell & Friends Are Holding the Planet Hostage

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…whispers of a Shell-BP mega-merger have resurfaced, sending investment bankers into a frenzy…

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If the goal is to accelerate environmental devastation, lay off thousands of workers, and cement Big Oil’s death grip on global energy policy, then sure—go right ahead.

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What the f**k is going on at BP?

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Posted by John Donovan: 5 June 2024

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Posted by John Donovan: 9 May 2024

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What the fk is going on at BP?**