Posted by John Donovan: 9 Sept 2024
In yet another sparkling example of Shell’s legendary generosity, the oil giant (a proud sin stock in its own right) has announced its second quarter 2024 dividend payments, converting your destruction of the planet into some cold, hard cash. So, if you’ve been stockpiling shares while Shell stockpiles carbon emissions, congratulations—you’re getting a nice chunk of change!
Announced on August 1, 2024, Shell’s board is thrilled to let shareholders know they’ll be receiving $0.344 per ordinary share. That’s right, whether you’re holding your shares in US dollars, euros, or pounds sterling, you’ll still be laughing all the way to the bank while the rest of the world gasps for air. Specifically, Shell’s kindly offering €0.3102 or 26.15p per share for those electing to take their profits in euros or pounds. Because what’s the point of environmental devastation if you can’t spread the wealth globally?
For those who opted in before September 2, 2024, your dividends will be neatly delivered in your currency of choice—just like choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream at the end of a scorched-earth summer. And for everyone else, don’t worry, Shell’s got you covered: absent any valid election, you’ll automatically receive your dividends in euros (for Euroclear Nederland holders) or pounds sterling for the rest of you in the UK. How thoughtful, really—because while they’re busy pumping out profits from fossil fuels, at least they’re not leaving you behind.
Mark your calendars, folks: September 23, 2024, is the day when this sweet, sweet cash hits your account. The dividends were converted from US dollars based on exchange rates from September 4 to September 6, because nothing says “responsible corporate governance” like getting your foreign exchange math just right while you bulldoze through environmental concerns.
But wait—Shell kindly advises you to consult your tax advisor on the taxation of these dividends. After all, they’ve got lawyers, accountants, and consultants figuring out how to funnel profits, so it’s only fair you bring in your own expert to figure out how much you’ll owe after cashing in on the planet’s misery.
Oh, and in case you thought Shell might slip up and admit that all these fancy dividend payments come at the cost of accelerating climate change—they’ve helpfully added a cautionary note that explains how they throw terms like “Shell Group” and “subsidiaries” around for convenience. You know, so when you’re basking in your dividend glow, you don’t have to think too hard about which Shell company is responsible for the latest oil spill or carbon bomb.
So, there you have it: Shell’s latest feel-good announcement for shareholders, while the rest of us get to feel the heat—literally.
This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan - more information here. There is also a Wikipedia segment.
EBOOK TITLE: “SIR HENRI DETERDING AND THE NAZI HISTORY OF ROYAL DUTCH SHELL” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
EBOOK TITLE: “JOHN DONOVAN, SHELL’S NIGHTMARE: MY EPIC FEUD WITH THE UNSCRUPULOUS OIL GIANT ROYAL DUTCH SHELL” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
EBOOK TITLE: “TOXIC FACTS ABOUT SHELL REMOVED FROM WIKIPEDIA: HOW SHELL BECAME THE MOST HATED BRAND IN THE WORLD” – AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
