When you’re Shell—the company that brought you unseaworthy Brent Bravo lifeboats, the Prelude floating gas plant evacuation in Australia, and the occasional oil-for-arms scandal—you’d think safety blunders would be less frequent by now. Think again.

---

The Incident

On July 12, the Shell-operated Shearwater platform, 140 miles off Aberdeen, sprang a leak of liquid nitrogen. The leak damaged the underside of the deck, sending debris crashing onto a walkway below. The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) later confirmed the falling material had the potential to cause a “fatal injury.”

Shell was served an improvement notice on August 4, with the HSE citing six separate breaches of health and safety law, including failures to protect workers from risks tied to “loss of containment events.” The notice must be complied with by September 9.

Shell’s official line?

“Shell’s goal of zero harm to people is a priority that drives every decision we make. A small amount of liquid nitrogen was released, damaging the deck underneath. None of our teams were harmed and we acted quickly to stop the leak and block off the affected area. We informed the Health and Safety Executive of the incident immediately and are working with them to implement improvements.”

Nice words—pity the deck didn’t get the memo.

---

Déjà Vu All Over Again

The Shearwater accident isn’t a one-off. Shell’s track record reads like a dark comedy of errors:

• Brent Bravo (2003): A platform worker whistleblower revealed a “Touch F*** All” maintenance culture, culminating in a fatal accident that earned Shell the biggest safety fine in UK history at the time.

• Prelude FLNG (Australia, 2019–2022): The world’s largest floating gas facility suffered multiple blackouts, dangerous “loss of containment events,” and a full evacuation of crew after safety systems failed. Regulators called it “unfit for human occupancy.”

• Niger Delta: Ongoing oil spills, sabotage cover-ups, and billions in court-ordered damages. Different region, same story.

---

WTF Shell?

Six breaches of safety law on Shearwater, falling decks, and “administrative errors” dressed up as “zero harm.” The HSE spelled it out: this incident had fatal potential. Shell insists it acted “quickly.” Well, yes—quickly enough to stop the leak, slowly enough to need an improvement notice.

When BlackRock and Vanguard, Shell’s biggest institutional shareholders, talk about “long-term ESG risk,” this is exactly what they mean. Because a company that can’t keep its decks intact at sea isn’t exactly a poster child for “world-class governance.”

---

The Bigger Picture

Shell may try to spin Shearwater as an “isolated event,” but workers in Aberdeen could tell you otherwise: there’s a culture of corner-cutting that surfaces time and again. Whether it’s Shell North Sea lifeboats, Prelude’s blackouts, or Shearwater’s nitrogen-damaged deck, the pattern is grim: safety as afterthought, compliance as PR, and profits as priority.

---

Disclaimer

Warning: satire ahead. The criticisms are pointed, the humour intentional, and the facts stubbornly real. Quotes are reproduced word-for-word from trusted sources. As for authorship—John Donovan and AI both claim credit, but the jury’s still out on who was really in charge.

---

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.