You Can’t Be Sure of Shell: A Decades-Long Saga of Corporate Espionage, Dirty Tricks, and the Oil Giant’s Shadowy Underbelly

By John Donovan

Ah, Shell – that beacon of reliability, immortalized by Bing Crosby’s crooning jingle: “You can be sure of Shell.” How quaint! Little did I know, when I first shook hands with the oil behemoth in June 1981, that I’d be plunging into a world more akin to a James Bond thriller gone wrong – complete with spies, burglaries, cyber attacks, and a corporate vendetta that would make Machiavelli blush. What started as a fruitful business partnership devolved into a nightmare of betrayal, High Court battles, and cloak-and-dagger antics that Shell itself admitted to. Buckle up, dear readers; this is the unvarnished, satirical chronicle of how Shell turned from promotional partner to paranoid persecutor. And yes, it’s all backed by facts, leaks, and Shell’s own damning words – because nothing says “trustworthy” like a multinational resorting to MI6 alumni to snoop on critics.

(Above: A sinister Shell spy bot avatar – the perfect mascot for Shell’s shadowy ops. Imagine this robotic menace lurking in the digital shadows, Shell logo glowing like a villain’s eye in a bad spy flick.)

The Honeymoon Phase: 1981–1991 – When Shell Was My Best Buddy

Picture this: June 1981, the dawn of a beautiful friendship. My company, Don Marketing, dazzled Shell with innovative promotional games that turned gas stations into goldmines. We crafted spectacular hits like “Make Money” and “Shell Mastermind,” rolling them out across the UK and globe-trotting to markets in Malaysia, Singapore, and beyond. Shell couldn’t get enough – we were their creative powerhouse, pumping out ideas under strict confidentiality. For a decade, it was all champagne toasts and backslaps. Who knew this fairy tale would end with Shell pilfering my intellectual property like a corporate kleptomaniac? Ah, the irony: “You can be sure of Shell” – sure they’ll take what’s yours if it suits them.

The Betrayal Begins: 1990s – Idea Theft, High Court Dramas, and Shell’s Furious Backlash

By the early ’90s, the romance soured. Shell started “borrowing” ideas I’d disclosed in confidence – think loyalty programs and interactive games that screamed “Don Marketing original.” When I called them out, Shell didn’t apologize; they unleashed fury. A press release dripped with indignation, as if I was the villain for daring to challenge the almighty oil titan. Six High Court actions ensued, all over intellectual property theft of libel. Shell settled every one, paying my costs and coughing up settlements – but not without dragging me through the mud.

The tactics? Oh, they escalated to the absurd. Enter “Christopher Phillips,” a shady operative caught red-handed rifling through our office mailboxes. When challenged, he spun a web of lies faster than a politician in election season. Shell later admitted to this “cloak and dagger” activity – because nothing says “ethical corporation” like spying on your former partners. Dramatic? You bet. But this was just the appetizer for the sinister feast ahead.

Pre-1999 Trial Terror: Threats, Fake Interviews, and Midnight Burglaries

As the 1999 trial loomed – over the SMART loyalty card scheme, another idea Shell swiped – the atmosphere turned downright frightening. Bombardments of threats? Check. Interviews by phonies like Phillips and “Charles Hoots,” who weren’t who they claimed? Double check. Burglaries by unknown intruders targeting our offices and homes? Triple check, with a side of paranoia.

It was like living in a bad noir film: shadows lurking, phones clicking suspiciously, and a constant sense of being watched. Not what you’d expect from the folks behind cheerful gas pumps. The trial ended with Shell footing all my legal bills and a secret settlement payment – hush money not even disclosed to the judge. Sneaky? Absolutely. But the real revelations came post-trial.

Post-Trial Revelations: Enter Hakluyt – Shell’s MI6-Linked Spy Masters

Once the dust settled, we uncovered the puppet masters: Hakluyt & Company, a private spy firm founded by ex-MI6 officers, with deep Shell ties. Titled Shell directors like Sir Peter Holmes and Sir William Purves weren’t just boardroom bigwigs; they were Hakluyt’s spymasters and major shareholders. Shell had been Hakluyt’s longtime client, deploying undercover ops against “enemies” like Greenpeace, The Body Shop, and other tatgets.

Our correspondence with Hakluyt was bizarre – they even roped in Sir Anthony Hammond to advise on responses. When we pinged Shell’s Corporate Affairs Security head, Ian Forbes McCredie, we got an auto-reply from his Hakluyt email. Talk about a Freudian slip! Shell’s global spying web targeted critics, with military-grade precision. Satirical gold: the company peddling “clean energy” was dirtier than an oil spill in its intelligence ops.

Flashback to 1987: South Africa’s “Neptune Strategy” – Shell’s Apartheid Shenanigans

Let’s rewind to 1987 for a dose of historical hypocrisy. While I was blissfully creating promotions, Shell was secretly propping up South Africa’s apartheid regime. Enter “The Neptune Strategy,” a 265-page devious blueprint from Pagan International, designed to undermine anti-apartheid critics. Secret meetings with church delegates? Check. Outright deception accused by the Church of England? Double check. Shell tried to distance itself from its U.S. arm, but leaks showed it was all smoke and mirrors. Propping up racism while singing about reliability – classic Shell!

2004: The Dr. John Huong Saga – Whistleblower Woes and Psychological Torture

Fast-forward to 2004: Shell turned its wrath on Dr. John Huong, a Malaysian geologist and whistleblower who exposed oil reserves fraud. Eight Shell companies sued him for defamation over articles published on my site. Huong accused Shell of “psychological torture” – burglaries, surveillance, phone tampering, even a creepy nighttime visit from a Shell agent. Shell lawyers tampered with evidence, perjured themselves, and abused processes, all while knowing I was the real publisher. A judge even told Shell to sue me in the UK instead – they declined, settling with Huong. Cowardly? Dramatically so.

The 2007 SAR Surprise: Shell’s “War Room” and Global Spy Ops Exposed

In mid-2007, our Subject Access Request (SAR) unearthed a treasure trove of redacted Shell emails – a veritable “war room” to counter my activities, which they claimed cost them billions. Global spying on me, my family (they thought we were brothers – amateur hour!), and even Shell employees. Military tone? Absolutely: “aggressive counter-measures team.”

Key gems: A February 2007 email plotting to pressure The Sunday Times to kill a story on my Sakhalin-2 intervention (costing Shell £11 billion). March 2007: U.S. investigations with the government. Involvement of NCFTA (FBI-linked cyber crimes org) and CAS. One email monitored global traffic to my site – Big Brother vibes.

Shell’s Secret Website Shutdown Shenanigans: 2007–2021

Shell wasn’t content with spying; they wanted my sites dead. June 2007: Secret threats to hosts in Canada and the U.S., briefly deactivating royaldutchshellplc.com. Bluehost confirmed Shell’s handiwork; General Counsel Keith Ruddock admitted it over a bogus copyright claim.

Irony alert: A Shell comms rep emailed Fox News praising my site as “an excellent source… far above our own internal comms.” Yet, 2008 DDoS attacks flooded it – I notified Michiel Brandjes, and poof, they stopped. Coincidence? Ha!

2009: Email asking, “Are you doing anything to get the website shut down?” 2021: A bungled Dutch cyber firm ultimatum to my host – failed spectacularly. Read more here.

Insider Leaks and MI6 Hires: The Wiretapped Truth

Gene Sticco, No. 2 in CAS, was one of my sources; his boss? Ian Forbes McCredie. A leaked wiretapped call between CEO Ben van Beurden and CFO Simon Henry discussed MI6 hires like Guy Colegate and John Copleston. Listen here. Shell’s security? A revolving door for spooks.

2017: Shell Norway’s Culture of Fear – Psychiatric Wards and Surveillance

In Norway’s Nyhamna plant, whistleblowers like Runar Kjørsvik exposed benzene overexposure and report manipulations. Result? A “culture of fear”: harassment, smears, public humiliation (filmed, no less), and surveillance on families. Safety delegates ended up in psychiatric wards from the stress. Upstream Director Rich Denny admitted some felt “afraid to speak up.” More details.

Shell USA: Infighting Among the Spooks

Across the pond, litigation exploded. Crockett Oaks III sued over discrimination by James W.D. Hall, VP Corporate Security – a “mysterious Brit” and “professional peddler of falsehoods.” Mike Oliveri followed suit. Bruce Culpepper blasted Shell’s Business Integrity Department: “They cannot investigate worth a shit… I did not want those fuckers involved.” Infighting details. My site? Mentioned in court papers with Oberti Sullivan LLP.

Epilogue: Still Standing, Shell Still Scheming

From 1981’s promotions to 2026’s ongoing battles, Shell’s “cloak and dagger” legacy endures. They’ve cost themselves billions, yet persist in dirty tricks. Reuters nailed it: My site got an unofficial Shell endorsement. Read the article.

You can’t be sure of Shell – but you can bet they’ll spy, lie, and try to silence critics. Satirical? Sure. Sarcastic? Absolutely. Dramatic? As a Shakespearean tragedy, with oil slicks instead of daggers. Stay tuned; the saga continues.

Alternative version