
Another Earthquake, Another Escape Clause
In a move that shocked precisely no one familiar with the Dutch gas saga, the Dutch Public Prosecution Service (OM) announced that NAM — the joint venture between Shell and ExxonMobil — will not be prosecuted for creating “life-threatening danger” in the Groningen gas field, despite years of earthquakes, crumbling houses, and shattered nerves.
The OM admitted that NAM had “consciously accepted the risk” that drilling would cause earthquakes and endanger residents — but claimed that wasn’t enough to secure a criminal conviction. In plain English: Yes, they knew people could be hurt. No, that’s not a crime. Next question.
The Legal Gymnastics
The Dutch Public Prosecution Service said that while the actions of NAM were “reprehensible,” there was no direct evidence linking management decisions to specific injuries or deaths. This despite decades of government-commissioned reports documenting structural damage, falling chimneys, and “persistent psychological distress” among locals.
So, while thousands of Groningen homes are literally collapsing, the justice system decided the bar for corporate responsibility should remain high enough to drive an LNG tanker under.
A Long Trail of Cracks
The Groningen field — once Europe’s largest natural-gas source — has caused more than 1,600 recorded earthquakes since the 1980s. The most damaging struck Huizinge in 2012, registering 3.6 magnitude but enough to shake a nation’s faith in its regulators.
By 2023, the Dutch government had promised to permanently shut the field, after a parliamentary inquiry called the disaster “a national disgrace.” That same inquiry concluded that both Shell and ExxonMobil “placed profits over safety” — earning a collective side-eye from every cracked ceiling north of Assen.
Follow the Money (and the Shareholders)
Shell, of course, has moved on — or so it says. Its latest investor reports show continued focus on gas and LNG as “transitional fuels,” meaning Groningen’s ghost still haunts the balance sheets. Shell’s biggest backers, including BlackRock and Vanguard, are meanwhile cheerleading the company’s “disciplined capital returns.”
Apparently, “sustainability” means keeping dividends steady while roofs collapse.
WTF Shell (and Exxon)?
NAM’s defense — and Shell’s by extension — boils down to a bureaucratic shrug: “We followed the rules at the time.” Those rules, it turns out, were written by the same government cashing the gas royalties. The Dutch taxpayer paid twice: first through the ground, then through rebuilding funds.
Meanwhile, Groningen’s residents are still fighting for fair compensation, trauma counselling, and something that might one day resemble justice.
In Satire and Sadness
Shell’s silence on the OM’s decision speaks volumes. When the dust settles — literally — one truth remains: you can’t spell “gas” without “as,” as in “as if accountability ever applied.”
Disclaimer
Warning: satire ahead. The criticisms are pointed, the humour intentional, and the facts stubbornly real. Quotes are reproduced word-for-word from trusted sources. As for authorship—John Donovan and AI both claim credit, but the jury’s still out on who was really in charge.
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