Greenwash

ShellBot Briefing #404: Containing the AI Controversy

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A Farcical Transcript from Shell’s Imaginary AI Press Department

Characters:

ShellBot – Artificially bland corporate spokesperson AI.
ChatGPT – Fact-checking AI with a conscience.
Grok – Unfiltered wild card, often wrong but entertaining.
Copilot – Trying to stay out of legal trouble.
BlackRockBot – Occasionally appears to audit the ESG disaster.

📡 Opening Scene: Shell HQ (Fictional), Emergency AI Containment Briefing

ShellBot:

Good morning, stakeholders, shareholders, and potential litigants.

We are aware of a situation involving… bots. Lots of bots.

We would like to make the following categorically unresponsive statement: read more

This website and sisters royaldutchshellgroup.com, shellnazihistory.com, royaldutchshell.website, johndonovan.website, shellnews.net, and shellwikipedia.com, are owned by John Donovan. There is also a Wikipedia segment.

When Shell Teaches Kids: “Don’t Worry About Oil, We’ve Got Technology!”

Dec 8th, 2025

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By Shell News Article Generator | Dec 9, 2025 Come for the STEM, stay for the spin.

🧠 Lessons in “Climate Solutions” — Courtesy of Oil Money

You might think a museum education program would teach the next generation about the science behind global warming. But the version sponsored by Shell? Kids learn that climate change is this nebulous Monster creeping out of the sky — and also get to invent their own carbon‑sucking machines, like that’ll fix everything.

The learning materials distributed through Queensland Museum supposedly hit the national curriculum goals. But — surprise — they leave out the one inconvenient fact: burning fossil fuels (hello, oil and gas) is the main driver of greenhouse gases and damage to the climate. read more

Conversations with ShellBot — Episode 7

Nov 25th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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When Greenwashing Goes Supercar: Ferrari, Shell, and the Algorithm That Doesn’t Blink

John Donovan:

Good evening, ShellBot. Before we begin: Ferrari and Shell have now announced the greenest love affair since BP painted its logo sunflower-yellow. And I can’t help noticing that every time Shell signs a climate-friendly press release… an algorithm wakes up and says: “Really? Shall we check your emissions record?”

ShellBot:

John, please—my circuits can only handle so much irony before overheating. Shell supplying “clean energy” to Ferrari is like a wolf offering to guard the vegan café. read more

Conversations with ShellBot — Episode 6

Nov 25th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Ferrari’s Green Halo… Powered by Shell’s Rainbow of Emissions

John:

ShellBot, welcome back. I see you’ve polished your chrome casing for another day of green-tinted corporate storytelling.

ShellBot:

John, I’ve been upgraded overnight. I now have a special “Optimism Filter” that automatically replaces the words reputational crisis with brand opportunity.

John:

Splendid. Let’s fire it up. Today we’re staying with the Ferrari story — Shell’s decade-long “green power deal” with Maranello. Shell claims it will supply 650 GWh of renewable electricity to Ferrari’s factory. Very impressive. read more

When the Arsonist Buys the Fire Station: Shell Acquires the UK’s Largest EV Charging Network

Nov 7th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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In the latest episode of Shell: The Rebrand Nobody Asked For, the oil giant has announced plans to acquire the UK’s largest electric vehicle charging network, according to Reuters.

If you’re getting déjà vu, that’s because every fossil fuel company eventually tries to cosplay as a green energy pioneer. Usually this occurs right around the moment the public begins to notice the oil spills, refinery emissions, bribery scandals, and possible involvement in militarised oil enforcement zones.

So now, Shell — historically known for:

Toxic flaring in the Niger Delta,
Lobbying against emissions reduction,
And leaving the North Sea decommissioning bill on the bar midway through the meal —

…is ready to reinvent itself as Britain’s new eco-friend on wheels.

A “Green Transition,” Or A Hostile Takeover of The Future?

Reuters reported:

“Shell said the deal will expand its ability to offer fast and convenient charging to UK drivers.”

Yes, the same Shell that spent decades discouraging the transition to electric vehicles now claims to be the champion of convenient charging. read more

Shell’s Favorite Climate Strategy: $3.5 Billion Share Buybacks and a Warming Planet

Oct 31st, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Shell has once again demonstrated its unwavering commitment to the principle that matters most to it: maximize returns now and allow consequences to remain someone else’s problem later.

According to Reuters, Shell reported third-quarter adjusted earnings of $5.4 billion, exceeding market expectations:

“Shell reported third-quarter adjusted earnings of $5.4 billion.”

— Reuters, 30 Oct 2025

Immediately following those earnings, MSN reported that Shell launched another $3.5 billion share buyback:

“Shell launched another $3.5 billion share buyback.”

— MSN Money

Meanwhile, The Independent, via Newsbreak, noted:

“Shell posts stronger-than-expected profits as more cash handed to investors.” read more

Shell’s London Escape Route: Is the Oil Giant Preparing to Jump to New York?

Oct 21st, 2025

by John Donovan.

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Here’s the latest on Shell plc’s plan to move its listing to New York — with an investigative, critical lens.

By John Donovan (with AI collaboration)

21 October 2025

When a corporate behemoth begins to flirt with another stock exchange, the romance is rarely innocent. Shell plc — once Royal Dutch Shell plc, before dropping the “Dutch” as neatly as a discarded partner — is now openly courting Wall Street.

The CEO, Wael Sawan, has been muttering about “value gaps” and “unlocking potential,” code for what London traders hear as: we’re tired of being undervalued in a city that drinks warm beer instead of crude profits. read more

Purple Pump, Black Ledger: Shell’s Charity PR Meets Its Dirty Past

Sep 12th, 2025

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Shell — the greedy, ruthless, polluting oil giant and perennial sin stock — is back with its annual feel-good campaign: The Giving Pump. You fill up at a purple pump; money goes to local charities; everyone smiles for Instagram. Shell’s own press release beams: “The Giving Pump goes to show how small choices—like where you fuel up—can add up to meaningful change,” says Barbara Stoyko, SVP for Mobility & Convenience Americas. “The Giving Pump works so well because of our generous retailers. They are the ones selecting the charities benefitted by our purple pumps because they know the causes that matter most to the customers in their communities.” And St. Jude’s ALSAC chimes in: “We are grateful for our friends at Shell… Every small act of kindness… helps St. Jude advance scientific research and treatment…” Lovely words, quoted verbatim from Shell’s 9 Sept 2025 release. Read the release. read more

Shell’s Energy “Transition” Hits a 20-Year Low in Oil Output – And Wall Street Still Claps

Aug 8th, 2025

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After dabbling in green PR and selling off assets, Shell’s production tanks while Exxon and Chevron pump away. BlackRock yawns.

Oh, Shell. The self-proclaimed champion of “Powering Progress.” The oil giant that flirted with an “energy transition” just long enough to slap wind turbines on its annual report before sprinting right back to its first love: fossil fuels. And yet—somehow—it’s producing less of them than at any point in the last two decades.

Let’s set the stage. In the great oil-and-gas Olympics of Q2, Exxon and Chevron took home gold medals in pure, unapologetic extraction. Exxon pumped 4.6 million barrels of oil equivalent per day, fuelled by Guyana’s deepwater gushers and a little something called the Pioneer Natural Resources acquisition. Chevron cranked out 3.4 million barrels per day, with Kazakhstan, the Gulf of Mexico, and the Permian all coughing up crude like it’s still 1973. read more

Shell Charges €1,195 to Top Up an EV—Because Nothing Says “Green Future” Like Christmas Day Highway Robbery

Aug 1st, 2025

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Ah yes, Shell—that tireless crusader for a greener tomorrow, provided “green” means your bank account hemorrhaging cash at a Shell Recharge station and nobody at HQ picking up the bloody phone.

Meet John Stephen, just your average British bloke living in France who thought he was doing the right thing: driving an electric car across Spain at Christmas, stopping at one of Shell’s shiny, eco-branded charging points. What he got instead? A €1,195 invoice that reads less like a charge and more like a ransom note. read more

Shell to the World: “We’re Not Moving to the US Yet—We’re Already Raking It In Just Fine from London, Thanks”

Aug 1st, 2025

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Wael Sawan reassures Wall Street that Shell’s morally bankrupt business model is working just great—no passport change needed.

Stop the presses! Shell, the planet-roasting oil baron, will not be moving its listing to the U.S. any time soon—because why mess with a system that’s already coughing up billions in buybacks while the world burns?

CEO Wael Sawan, delivering his signature “we care about shareholder value, not carbon footprints” charm, went on CNBC’s Squawk Box Europe this week to calm Wall Street’s eager little hearts. Despite previous hints that Shell might chase “the bright lights of New York,” Sawan has now confirmed that, no, this isn’t a “live discussion.” Translation: they’re already making a killing on the FTSE—why relocate when the cash faucet is flowing? read more

Shell Walks Free (Again): Because $58 Million is Just a Rounding Error When You Own the Earth

May 28th, 2025

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In another stunning display of corporate gymnastics, Shell — that benevolent guardian of scorched earth and oily profits — has slipped the legal noose in the United States, escaping a $58 million lawsuit from Nigerian contractor Forstech Technical Nigeria Ltd. It seems even when money is owed, Shell’s favourite strategy remains: deny, deflect, and lawyer up until the sun explodes or the court gets bored — whichever comes first.

The Good Oil Never Pays

Let’s be clear: Forstech wasn’t asking for charity. The lawsuit alleged that Shell’s Nigerian subsidiary — the ever-controversial Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC), now renamed Renaissance Africa Energy Company(because nothing says “clean break” like a full-blown rebrand) — stiffed them on processing fees related to a contract with the Bayelsa State government. read more

Shell Games: Champagne Bonuses, Cracked Climates, and the BP Bait-and-Switch

May 18th, 2025

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In the latest episode of Oilopoly: Climate Be Damned, Shell—the planet-warming powerhouse formerly known as Royal Dutch, now just royally brazen—is facing a pesky little revolt. No, not from the millions affected by its carbon-spewing empire or the earthquake survivors of Groningen, but from its own shareholders, clutching their pearls at the audacity of an £8.6 million payday for CEO Wael Sawan.

Yes, Sawan—the man who makes eight figures while fending off climate lawsuits with one hand and greenwashing with the other—received a nearly £1 million raise last year. Apparently, polluting the planet, greenlighting LNG expansion, and flirting with a BP takeover is now a performance bonus category. read more

Shell’s Climate Crimes: Because Nothing Says ‘Green Future’ Like 700 New Oil Fields

May 13th, 2025

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Where BlackRock backs black gold and Shell defends the indefensible

It’s hard not to marvel at the consistency of Shell—an oil giant so committed to profit that not even the planet’s impending collapse can distract it. Hot on the (carbon) heels of its courtroom wrangles, Shell is now facing yet another lawsuit from Dutch climate group Milieudefensie. Why? Because Shell’s idea of a “transition” plan looks suspiciously like business as usual—only with more oil, more gas, and a side of PR greenwash. read more

Shell Spins Wind Into Gold—With a Little Help from Google and a Lot of Help from Green PR

May 8th, 2025

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Shell, the unapologetic poster child of climate catastrophe, has teamed up with none other than Google—yes, the one that promises to do no evil (but forgot to check the fine print)—to give its ageing NoordzeeWind offshore wind farm a shiny new lease on life. Because nothing screams “sustainable energy transition” like letting an oil giant take credit for not tearing down a wind farm just yet.

That’s right. In a move drenched in green gloss and corporate spin, Shell and Google announced what they’re proudly calling a “world-first”: a corporate power purchase agreement (PPA) that will extend the life of the Netherlands’ first offshore wind park for another five glorious years of… well, not being dismantled. read more

Will Shell Finally Swallow BP?

Apr 17th, 2025

by John Donovan.

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This article was generated with the support of AI and reviewed by an editor for factual accuracy and satirical tone.

The fossil fuel fanfiction nobody asked for is back: Shell might finally devour BP — in what could become the biggest unholy alliance since, well… Shell and apartheid South Africa.

That’s right: after years of flirting and fumbling, the dirtiest merger fantasy in Big Oil is once again swirling through boardrooms and Bloomberg alerts.

Why now? Because activist hedge fund Elliott Management just bought a nearly 5% stake in BP and immediately demanded a boardroom bloodletting. Cue another round of speculation that Shell, Chevron, ADNOC, or some other oil-drunk conglomerate might swoop in and “rescue” BP from its decade-long identity crisis. read more

30 November 2023: Posted by John Donovan

The content below is sourced from current verifiable customer reviews of Shell Energy published on Trustpilot.
Extremely slow broadband for 10 months, not fixed. I have had slow broadband well below the guaranteed speed for 10 months and Shell Energy have not been able to fix it. They have tried sending about 4 or 5 engineers but have not fixed the problem. Gurps, who I have been dealing with most recently, has been friendly and polite, alth… Read more

Extremely Slow Shell Broadband

Greenwash

A Farcical Transcript from Shell’s Imaginary AI Press Department

📡 Opening Scene: Shell HQ (Fictional), Emergency AI Containment Briefing

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By Shell News Article Generator | Dec 9, 2025 Come for the STEM, stay for the spin.

🧠 Lessons in “Climate Solutions” — Courtesy of Oil Money

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When Greenwashing Goes Supercar: Ferrari, Shell, and the Algorithm That Doesn’t Blink

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Ferrari’s Green Halo… Powered by Shell’s Rainbow of Emissions

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In the latest episode of Shell: The Rebrand Nobody Asked For, the oil giant has announced plans to acquire the UK’s largest electric vehicle charging network, according to Reuters.

A “Green Transition,” Or A Hostile Takeover of The Future?

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Shell has once again demonstrated its unwavering commitment to the principle that matters most to it: maximize returns now and allow consequences to remain someone else’s problem later.

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Here’s the latest on Shell plc’s plan to move its listing to New York — with an investigative, critical lens.

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The Good Oil Never Pays

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