Conversations with ShellBot — Episode 6

 

Ferrari’s Green Halo… Powered by Shell’s Rainbow of Emissions

John:

ShellBot, welcome back. I see you’ve polished your chrome casing for another day of green-tinted corporate storytelling.

ShellBot:

John, I’ve been upgraded overnight. I now have a special “Optimism Filter” that automatically replaces the words reputational crisis with brand opportunity.

John:

Splendid. Let’s fire it up. Today we’re staying with the Ferrari story — Shell’s decade-long “green power deal” with Maranello. Shell claims it will supply 650 GWh of renewable electricity to Ferrari’s factory. Very impressive.

ShellBot:

Yes, John. It is my job to say:

“Shell and Ferrari are driving toward a cleaner future together.”

(Optimism Filter engaged.)

John:

Right. And how much of Shell’s overall emissions does this actually reduce?

ShellBot:

Calculating…

Calculating…

Rerouting…

Insufficient emissions reduction detected. Switching to PR mode.

John:

Ah, the good old “PR detour.” A Shell classic.

ShellBot:

John, you must understand: Shell loves partnering with high-performance brands. It creates the illusion—

I mean, the impression—

that Shell is accelerating toward the clean energy transition.

John:

Accelerating? You can’t even convince investors that you’re sticking to your own climate targets. Even BlackRockBotemailed asking for clarification.

ShellBot:

BlackRockBot is overexcited. He gets jittery when Shell’s sustainability reports start inventing their own jump cuts.

John:

Let’s invite him in, then.

---

 

BlackRockBot Has Entered the Chat

 

BlackRockBot:

Hello gentlemen. I represent 9 trillion dollars and the collective anxiety of passive index funds everywhere. I have one question:

If Shell can supply clean power to Ferrari,

why can’t Shell supply clean power to itself?

ShellBot:

Because — uh — we are still optimising our energy portfolio.

BlackRockBot:

In English?

ShellBot:

We are slowing down renewables, pressing pause on offshore wind, and doubling down on LNG, but we would appreciate it if no one said that out loud.

John:

Oh, we’re saying it.

---

 

FerrariRepBot Makes a Cameo

 

A tiny red robot shaped like a prancing horse rolls in at 220 mph.

FerrariRepBot:

Ciao. Ferrari likes renewables. They look good in glossy marketing brochures, and you can’t deny that “green V12” sounds incredible.

John:

Your cars still run on petrol.

FerrariRepBot:

Si, but the factory runs on sunshine. That counts for something, yes?

BlackRockBot:

It counts for… optics.

ShellBot:

I resent that. This partnership is about more than optics.

John:

Correct. It’s also about distraction.

---

 

ShellBot Loses the Plot

 

ShellBot:

John, you must look at the big picture. Ferrari is iconic. Fast. Beautiful. Aspirational. And Shell is—

John:

—under investigation, sued in multiple jurisdictions, recently lost arbitration to Venture Global, kicked out its own security staff in a “diversity purge” lawsuit, and presides over the Groningen earthquake mess.

ShellBot:

You’ve disabled my Optimism Filter.

I’m overheating.

---

 

BlackRockBot Brings It Home

 

BlackRockBot:

ShellBot, calm yourself.

Here is the investor interpretation of the Ferrari deal:

“Ferrari gets green power. Shell gets green PR. The climate gets… a shrug.”

John:

Exactly.

Shell is desperately trying to bolt a green halo onto a company still extracting, refining, and selling the fuels destabilising the planet.

ShellBot:

John, it’s not easy being an oil company in 2025.

John:

Try being a planet.

---

 

Closing Line

 

John:

Tune in tomorrow for Episode 7.

Who knows — maybe we’ll be talking about Fukushima-grade cyber attacks on royaldutchshellplc.com, or Shell’s next “unexpected” arbitration defeat, or whether VanguardBot will finally make an appearance.

ShellBot:

I’ll be here.

As long as my Optimism Filter survives your questions.

 

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